The Pull of Polaris
by XFauxAfflictionX
Summary: This is the tale of Jasper Whitlock from Stephanie Meyer's Eclipse as seen through his eyes.
1. Prologue and Chapter 1: New Life

**The Pull of Polaris**

_Near or far-_

_Wherever you roam,_

_Look to me_

_To guide your way home._

~Anonymous

**Prologue**

Since the dawn of my existence, I have wanted, needed to tell someone. These memories, these emotions that course through me everyday, they torture me; so mush so that I would be better off standing in a basin of water and grabbing a jagged electrical chord. So, I have chosen you. I want to tell you my story. I want my trials to be yours. And I assume, since you picked up this book, that you want to hear it. So listen closely, for I will only tell this once.

My tale essentially has very little to do with me. The story of my life is the story of the people in it. I have experienced every type of person in my time, from cruel and unforgiving, to the utmost of unconditional lovers. And to understand my story, you must understand theirs. So I will start where I met the first of these acquaintances. Please excuse me if I wander, for the tangents I revisit will hold some merit later on. But for now, I leave you in the American South, a land ravaged by civil war. I leave you with the soldiers who fought there, and the unseen nocturnal threats they somehow managed to evade. I leave you with the hopes that you will understand, and not hate me for what I am. My name is Jasper Hale, formerly Jasper Whitlock… and this is my story.

Chapter 1 New Life

If my memory serves me correctly, October 4th, 1862 was not a good day to be in Galveston, Texas. The ocean winds showed no mercy as they tore through the confederate south. The confederates… _my_ confederates were forced to retreat an hour into our initial dawn attack on the Union's blockade of Galveston Harbor. However helpless we felt at that time, we soon received support from the sea in the form of gunboats Bayou City and Neptune. We watched, more or less, as they successfully captured the Union's S.S. Harriet Lane. We assumed victory.

That's when I received the order. I wasn't outranked by many, but when I received an order from a superior, it was expected to be followed immediately. So, the small contingent of men that accompanied me fell back to the city. Our order was to evacuate the women and children to Houston. It wasn't difficult. The women were terrified; toting their equally petrified children along with them, hand in shaking hand. They searched for any refuge, and we were happy to provide it. The scene reminded me of a misplaced herd of cattle being rounded into a paddock, the way they boarded our ships. I would have laughed, if it weren't heartbreaking.

It didn't take long to get underway. The journey to Houston was relatively bearable, considering the rocking of the ships kept us from dozing off. We unloaded the women, who thanked us graciously, and I immediately returned to the ship and sailed with an even smaller group of men back to Galveston. Rest was not an option. There was work needed accomplishing, and sleep was a luxury we could not afford, at least any time soon anyway.

We easily found the Lieutenant Colonel, the nest superior to me, surrounded by an array of lower and higher officers. I was easily the youngest by years in our small group, even more so than the privates below me. In 1861, at the beginning of this war, I had lied about my age, claiming to be twenty when in actuality I was seventeen. My long limbs and able body didn't hinder my fib, however, and I was enlisted. I wasn't sure how or when exactly it happened, but I was promoted through the ranks to Major. My father described it as inherited charisma, but I've always pondered the validity of such a statement. I always thought I had something… more. But I'll tackle that topic later.

The Lieutenant Colonel didn't know what to do with us. The Confederate Army was still young at this point, and struggling to organize. So, he told my men to skirt the city streets, and make sure we hadn't missed anyone.

That's when I got the order that would damn and save me all at once. He provided me with a mount and I was told to ride the perimeter, and check for stragglers. Like the true southern man I was, I obeyed without a second thought or word. I often question my sanity on agreeing to skirt the city by myself, but it wouldn't have mattered if I'd had ten men… possibly even twenty. But of course, I didn't know that yet.

There are two places I've ever felt the most comfortable, and the first was my home in Houston, with my father, mother, and two sisters. The second was on the back of a horse. If you've never felt the empowerment that comes from riding such a dedicated, powerful creature, it is hard to describe. They have no reason to obey and serve us, and yet they do, unyieldingly. Therefore, I felt commanding on the back such a beast, yet again, my empowerment counted for nigh, and wouldn't last long.

I rode at a brisk trot; it was a speedy gait, yet one that wouldn't tire either of us too quickly. I rode in silence and darkness for probably half an hour, nothing but my small handheld lamp to light the dirt trail I mindlessly followed. The only sound to break the silence was the somewhat labored breathing of my steed and his rhythmic hoof beats, nothing else. No birds, no crickets. I should have found this odd, but when running on nominal sleep, one's senses dull quite a bit.

It was at that half hour mark, when I was only one mile outside of Galveston, that I stumbled upon them. They were a lowly bunch; three women clad in long, flowing white gowns. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't lived in the 1860's how little of a threat women were, considering all men, especially southern men, were taught to show women the utmost respect. With that in mind, I immediately dismounted and approached them by foot.

"Pardon me, ladies, but I was wondering if perhaps you were in need of some help," I said, ever respectful, ever naïve.

As soon as they turned around, my stomach lurched and my brain shrieked in an unknown terror. Although all three were indescribably beautiful, something about them screamed "danger." But of course, with my upbringing, I ignored that sense. I approached them further, and got a good look at their faces.

They were even more beautiful than I initially thought. They were obviously young; couldn't be over twenty. And each one of them had deathly pale skin; skin that put the moon to shame. Their bodies were perfectly angular, no discrepancies to be found. Two were taller, both differing shades of blonde, and then there was the shorter woman… girl. She was shorter by inches, at least, and her brunette hair fell in ocean-like ripples down her back. If the other two were gorgeous, this one was Helen of Troy. I was speechless, breathless, thoughtless, even. I froze, unable to move.

"He's speechless," the tall blonde chimed, and the sound made my heart flutter. It was as unbreakable as stone, and yet as soft as velvet.

She leaned toward me, and something in my mind screamed for me to step away, run if I could manage. She inhaled deeply, and all I could do was stare back at her. My limbs wouldn't move, and my lips couldn't form words. My thoughts were chaos.

"Mmm," she sighed, batting her eyelashes at me and grinning a kind of sadistic grin. "Lovely."

It was then that the smaller girl stepped forward, resting a hand gently but firmly on the forearm of the girl before me. She spoke so quickly that I couldn't make out the words. I remember watching her lips move, still captivated. It was like a love struck puppy marveling over a grown, attractive bitch. I wouldn't have been surprised if I'd started panting.

I was always a good judge of character; of how people interacted with each other. And the way the brunette touched the other girl screamed dominance.

"Concentrate, Nettie," the brunette said, and I'm surprised I didn't have a heart attack at the sound. It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard… up until that point anyway.

The way she said it confirmed my suspicions. It wasn't condescending, but still forceful enough to claim superiority. The brunette was definitely in charge.

"He looks right – young, strong, an officer," the brunette spoke again, but paused as she looked me up and down. I tried to speak, but no words fell from my stunned mouth. "And there's something more… do you sense it? He's… compelling."

I was lost. I wasn't sure what the hell she meant. Were they in trouble? Was someone trying to harm them? Did they need protection? My instincts were giving me clues, but as always, I was ignoring them.

"Oh yes," the blonde, Nettie, quickly agreed. She leaned forward again, a hunger in her eyes that I didn't recognize.

"Patience," the brunette cautioned, her voice smooth. "I want to keep this one."

Nettie frowned, her bottom lip jutting out in a show of distaste.

"You'd better do it, Maria," the other blonde finally spoke, and I wasn't surprised that her voice was just as captivating. "I kill them twice as often as I keep them."

Maria. That was her name. It fit her perfectly. It was simple yet elegant, just like her.

"Yes, I'll do it," Maria agreed, her eyes wandering back to me. "I really do like this one. Take Nettie away, will you? I don't want to have to protect my back while I'm trying to focus."

I should have run. The Lieutenant Colonel would never know I'd even found anyone; no harm done. But I couldn't move. I felt like I'd been paralyzed in place. The hair stood up on the back of my neck, and my insides screamed. But the more I stared at the beautiful creature before me, the more I ignored those instincts.

I barely registered Nettie saying something, and the other two girls sprinting toward the city at an unnatural pace. Otherwise, I probably would have started backing away. Which, as I realize now, would have been the wiser choice.

I had eyes only for Maria, and she seemed the same. She was looking at me curiously, like a toddler at a new toy. The way she scrutinized me made me feel exposed. I felt like she was staring straight into my soul.

"What is your name, soldier?" Maria asked, playing with a large necklace around her neck.

I'm surprised I found the words. I'm surprised I even heard her. "Major Jasper Whitlock, ma'am," I stammered, my voice sounding foreign to me.

"I truly hope you survive, Jasper," she said in her porcelain voice.

I caught the meaning of her statement. I tell myself now that somewhere inside me, I knew what she was about to do. Or partly knew, at least. But the entire statement was overshadowed by the sound of my name falling from those perfect, damning lips. I would have shivered if my body hadn't stopped responding to my thoughts.

She leaned forward, on her toes, as if she were going to kiss me. At that point, I knew. My body tried to respond, but my terror overtook me. Apparently my horse had better survival instincts than me, for he yanked the reins from my grip and tore into the blackness of the night.

It was like watching from another vantage point. I felt strangely separated from the experience. But I remember it, painfully vividly. Forgive me if I become graphic in the details, but this is a moment I feel you must experience thoroughly. While every minute detail may seem sickening to you, imagine if you will, what it was like for me. You may think it unnecessary, but I firmly believe this moment was one that formed my personality for the duration of my future… existence. It will be unforgivably intense, for that is how I remember it, now and always.

Many things happened in the following second. Faster than I'd ever seen a person move, she reached around the back of my neck and held me in her vice-like grip. Her hand was cold; ice cold, death cold. It made me flinch away from her as best I could. I finally decided she was a threat far too late. I reached for my Colt Revolver in its holster and slammed the muzzle against her stomach. I didn't even have time to breathe before I fired.

She didn't even flinch; she merely shoved me backward so I landed on my back. I didn't, however, lose my concentration. I assumed I'd missed the first time and fired again. This time I saw clearly. The bullet glanced neatly off of her skin, as if I'd fired at the iron hull of a navy ship. The bullet whizzed through the air and embedded itself firmly in the dirt a few feet from us. Maria grinned, and began to stalk toward me, taking her time.

I tried to push myself to my feet, but before I knew she'd moved, she was on top of me. She gripped my gun hand tightly, and ripped the gun from my hand. I felt the tiny bones in my palm shatter, but I paid it no mind; I had more pressing matters to attend to. She slammed my hands to the ground, pinning me, and no matter how forcefully I struggled, I didn't move a centimeter. She leaned toward my face, this time angling to one side. She licked her lips, her perfect ruby lips, and grinned maliciously.

I swore all of Texas could have heard my scream when she bit the artery in my neck. I didn't have to see to know I was bleeding… profusely. I could feel the warm liquid seeping from my veins and onto my skin. And the knowledge that she was drinking it made me scream again. She moaned, a low rumble deep in her chest, and pulled her head back, blood… _my_ blood dripping from her lips. Her eyes practically glowed red, perfectly imitating the scarlet of my blood.

She leaned back, releasing my arms and staring into my face. I saw something there I didn't recognize… longing perhaps? But I didn't get to wonder long. The pain began to overwhelm me. It was as if someone had poured boiling acid into my veins; burning its way through every muscle and tissue. I gasped as the burning reached my lungs. I can't even begin to put into words the amount of pain I was in. My limbs felt as if they were being slowly severed by a dull blade.

I writhed on the ground, grasping at my skin and trying to make it stop. I begged her to make it stop. All I heard was the angry pumping of my heartbeat in my ears… and her laughter.

"It will be over soon, Jasper," she said, twisting a loose tawny curl around her finger.

I begged again, this time screaming it. I was gasping… no, choking for breath. Tears of agony rolled down my cheeks as my hands gripped at the cold hard ground. That's when she did something I would come to explain to myself later, yet never forgive her for.

She gripped my wrists again, and held them to the ground. I wanted nothing more than to curl into the fetal position and die, and she was forcing me to endure. My arms screamed in protest, and I verbally conveyed their message.

"Just a little while longer," she hissed into my ear, and the mere sound caused me immense agony.

That's when it reached my heart. I thought I was being turned inside out, starting at my chest. I began to struggle against her harder, screaming and kicking at her. She didn't even budge. Time seemed to stand still as I was tortured. I don't know how long I lay there, restrained by the beautiful Maria, screaming for my life. I begged her to kill me, so many times. Behead me, dismember me, anything to end this torment she was inflicting on me.

She merely stared back at me, her crimson eyes boring into my flesh. I would have looked her in the eyes as I begged, if they weren't clouded with my agonized tears. I began to wonder if I'd sinned in my life, for surely this was hell.

Just when I thought the pain would never end; that this was my life of eternal damnation, it began to slow. It was my extremities first. My fingers tingled, but the pain that caused my fists to clench had eased. The relief crawled inward, slowly, from the tips of my fingers and toes. I grew quiet; my heavy panting becoming the only sound. My mouth hung open as I gasped for air, although I didn't realize yet that I didn't need it. The burning in my chest was the last to die, and I distinctly remember hearing my last heartbeat. I listened, tried to feel the next one, hear it, but it never came.

I stayed where I was for a moment, not moving; I was afraid movement might bring back the pain. Somewhere, deep inside me, I knew. I knew that Jasper the man had died, and that I had become… something else entirely. What, I didn't know yet.

"There, there," Maria cooed, stroking my face after releasing my arms again.

I shied away from her, but only for an instant. Something told me she was no longer a threat. She crawled off of me, but remained on the ground, crouched like an animal and staring at me. As I sat up, I realized the extent to which I had changed.

Whereas it was pitch-black moments before, the colors were suddenly as vibrant as day. I could spot any animal within miles, simply by the heat generated in their bloodstream. Like a newborn child, I felt curiously at my skin, recognizing it's new indestructible state. And very soon, I felt the thirst.

I looked up at her, still strangely evading of her. I was still panting, but I soon realized that it was only an involuntary reaction.

"What…" I began, but my voice sounded different… strange.

"Do you believe in monsters, Jasper Whitlock?" she asked me.

I had never been a superstitious person, but obviously, my opinions had been altered for me.

"To an extent," I replied, still feeling my skin and looking around aimlessly. "What do you mean, _monsters_?"

"I mean vampires," she said bluntly, standing and brushing off her white gown. It was then that I noticed a red stain on the right shoulder, above her breast.

I couldn't answer her. I didn't know _how_ to answer her. She seemed to read this on my face, and she approached me again. This time, I felt absolutely no fear. The wind caught from behind her, and that's when the scent hit me.

It couldn't have done better if I'd been struck with an iron pry bar. I knew it was the smell of my own blood, wafting from her cloth dress, but I couldn't help myself. I inhaled deeply, and I could feel the fierce expression stretching my face. I wanted it so badly. It's hard to explain to a mere mortal what exactly it feels like, to want… _need_ something so badly that it consumes one's entire being. The only way I can even think of describing it is to starve yourself for months, then let someone place a feast all around you, letting the scent devour you. Then you may know a fraction of what I felt at that moment.

"Come," Maria said, holding her delicate yet indestructible hand down to me. "Allow me to show you a world you've only ever dreamed of."

I took it willingly.


	2. Chapter 2: New Family

Chapter 2

**New Family**

Within minutes my knowledge of my changed body was still not complete. I was aware of my rock hard skin, yes, but all other aspects were still sinking in. For instance, this undeniable… no, torturous thirst. I didn't quite know yet what it was I was desperately craving, although I had a small inkling, but every time the wind blew, and the scent of my own blood blew from Maria's dress, my head would spin and my throat would burn. It was a similar burning to when she'd changed me. And I had an incredibly strong desire to make the burning stop. I had a strong feeling she was going to show me, so I followed her silently as she walked.

Now that I didn't have to fear her anymore, I was infatuated with her. She was even more stunning now that I walked with her, discovered how she moved, breathed, spoke. Everything about her made my head spin, just like the scent of blood did. She walked briskly ahead of me, leading me to an as of yet unknown destination. What she didn't know was that my eyes were only for her. I watched her every movement, as if I expected her to grow wings. I actually may have… but regardless, I was keen to her every whim.

"You smell it don't you?" she chimed as she turned to face me, yet kept walking backwards.

"Pardon?" I asked, tearing my eyes away from her body to look her in the eyes.

"The blood. You smell it, don't you?" she said, her hair whipping into her face like wild tree branches.

I didn't answer, but rather let my eyes wander to the stain on her blouse.

She grinned, and the movement dragged my eyes back to her face.

"Come," she said, holding out her hand to me. "I shall teach you."

I reached out and took her hand. I'm surprised I didn't giggle like a schoolboy. Her touch was like a drug; it was immensely powerful yet delicate as a porcelain doll. I was becoming more and more lovesick with her by the second.

"How much do you understand about what you've become?" she asked, still walking backwards and leading me by the hand.

"I'm not sure," I responded earnestly. "I feel… powerful. Unbreakable. And the blood…" I paused, and my eyes darted frantically back to the red on her dress. I was deeply repressing the urge to rip at it and suck the blood off.

"Ah, yes. The blood," she said, deeply inhaling like it was a particularly powerful perfume. "We need it to survive. But you must be careful, young one. You take too many and you will be punished. You _must_ keep the secret."

"What do you mean, punished?" I asked.

"There is a group of vampires in Italy-" I cringed at the word vampire. I wasn't quite used to it yet. "-who are dedicated to keeping our world hushed to the human race. Our existence depends on their ignorance."

"I see," I replied. "How many of… _us_ are there?"

"In all of the world, I've no idea. Here in Texas… probably hundreds. But that's another story altogether."

"I've got time, don't I?" I asked. I wasn't terribly familiar with the myth of the vampire, but one well-known fact was that they were immortal.

"That is true," she said, confirming my suspicion. For a brief second, I worried what I would do with my time when it was no longer numbered. "There have been wars raging here for decades, unbeknownst to humans, of course. The older ones fight for territory."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

She raised her eyebrow in return, and picked at the blood on her dress to send her message.

"Oh," I replied shyly.

"The areas with a lot of human traffic are the most sought after," she said. "Well, the older ones would create armies of newborns to help them stake claim on territory. But when they got out of hand…" she paused, and dragged a finger across her neck.

That struck my curiosity. "How can we… be killed?"

She grinned. "It is very difficult. We must be burned. However, as you can probably glean, most vampires won't hold still to be burned to death. Usually, we must be torn to pieces first. But if the pieces are not burned, we can be… how shall I say… put back together?"

I shuddered at the thought.

"Back on subject, newborns are incredibly more powerful than older vampires while in their first year. But, they are also hard to control. They…" she paused, thinking on something, "are driven by their need for blood, nothing else. A while back, they got out of control and the Volturi came to… quiet them down."

I knew what that meant. "Is that where you come from?" I asked.

Her face hardened, the grin vanishing. "Yes. My territory was stolen from me. I've been trying to form another army to get it back. I picked up Nettie and Lucy recently. They were also stragglers of other wars."

"So then," I paused, thinking back to her story, "what do you need me for?"

She smiled again. "First good question you've asked all night."

I grinned back, and looked around to see where we were. We were farther toward the city, probably minutes from it's borders. The trees were thinning, and the road was splitting in more directions.

"You, along with others, will help me claim Galveston. It is heavily populated, and in heavier populated areas, we can feed quite a bit more frequently. You shall see, Jasper. We will live like royalty, bathing in a bed of blood."

Somehow, the offer excited me. She saw this on my face, and grinned as she turned back to walk regularly.

"Here we are," she said, and stopped. I nearly walked past her, I was so distracted.

I followed her gaze to where the first home of the city stood. Behind it was a scattered map of other homes, and beyond that, the horizon was beginning to glimmer as first light approached.

"Are the myths true about the sun as well?" I asked.

"Depends. What are the myths?" she said sweetly.

"That… _we_," I had a hard time saying 'we,' "cant go into the sunlight?"

"Not entirely. We _can_, we just _don't_," she replied. "First of all, it would be noticeable to humans; I shall show you why later. And second, the day is spent planning, strategizing for our next move."

"I see," I replied, peering back to the horizon.

"We don't have long," she said, following my gaze.

"Then why are we still out?" I asked.

"Because _you_, my young one, need to feed," she said. "You've been eyeing this stain like a rabid dog." She gestured to the red spot on her dress.

I shrugged. No sense hiding what she could plainly see.

She smiled. "Breakfast is served," she chimed.

I looked back toward the house to see a young woman, probably sixteen or seventeen, carrying two empty pales toward a well. I felt repulsed when she said that, and yet, I wanted this girl… needed her. If nothing else made sense, the fact that I was supposed to have this girl's blood did. When the wind picked up and her scent hit me, I almost went rabid.

"Easy," Maria cooed, putting a hand on my chest to restrain me. "You must be careful. No one else can notice. Here, I shall show you."

Maria stalked forward, her figure almost invisible, even to me. Her footsteps were so light that I thought perhaps she was floating a few inches from the ground. And she appeared to be doing just that, the way she flowed so smoothly. The girl had her back to us as she cranked the well. She never saw Maria coming.

Maria tackled her, and her fragile form fell to the ground. The girl started to scream but was cut off as Maria lithely crouched and snapped her jaw down on the girl's jugular. The girl's face was terrified, but I was too distracted by the scent of her blood to care. The girl began to slowly crawl away.

Maria sighed, took a step forward, and slammed a powerful foot down on the girl's legs, obviously breaking them at the knee. The girl seemed like she was trying to scream, but all that came was a strange guttural sound and the gurgling of the blood in her throat and mouth.

Then I realized something else. I felt as though _I_ was suddenly afraid. I felt as if _I_ was in pain. Every time I looked at the girl's face, the feeling grew stronger. I was terrified, actually. I couldn't figure out why, but I couldn't shake the feeling. So I tore my face from the girl's to look at Maria.

She beckoned to me. "Come," she whispered. "Take her."

I couldn't stop myself any longer. I lurched forward, and another trait I was yet unaware of presented itself; speed. It seemed like the moment I jumped forward, I was on top of her. I couldn't help myself; I grinned at this newly discovered trait, and leaned in to her neck. She feebly tried to push me away with her hands. It was as if she were trying to push back a locomotive.

Again, I apologize for the graphic details, but you must understand. The undeniable _need_ for blood is absolutely insatiable, even in the process of feeding. You feel you will never get enough; that this burning in your throat will eat you alive. And I use the term "alive" lightly.

I had never been so animal-like before in my life. It was as if I were a starving wolf, and this girl was a t-bone steak. The moment her blood touched my lips, I was in ecstasy. To humans, blood has a metallic taste; like sucking on an old penny. I knew from numerous fists to the face. However, to a vampire, it is completely unique. Imagine, if you will, the most divine of chocolates, or an incredibly succulent piece of meat. Then you will only begin to understand the sheer addictive property that human blood has on a vampire.

I didn't stop drinking until she was completely dry. Her body had grown steadily more still, and steadily quieter as I sucked the life from her. Now, her body temperature matched mine, and her eyes were a bottomless pit as she stared blankly at the brightening sky. I knew she was dead, but my own satisfaction overtook my sympathy. I wanted more. Millions more.

"Have you ever tasted something so delightful in your entire life?" Maria giggled, crouching next to where I knelt at the body of the girl.

"That, I have not," I replied, sighing deeply, just trying to remember how it had felt. Not only did I feel slightly satiated, but I felt empowered. My skin felt stronger, if that was even possible, and my muscles felt unstoppable. I itched to test them.

I don't know how Maria read me so well, but she must have seen this on my face.

"Race me," she hissed excitedly. "You see that mansion there? On the hill?" She was pointing a long, witch-like finger to a stone manor on a hill in the distance. It shone as simply a black statue against the brightening horizon, but I could still make out it's plantation-style build.

I nodded, and she didn't even need to say another word. We both pounced to our feet and darted down the road, around houses, and over walls. I felt like a raptor. When I jumped, I flew. And when I ran, my surroundings were a mere blur. The only thing I could make out for sure was the rapid form of Maria a few feet from me, weaving through obstacles. We were like one mind in two bodies. We ran the same; we breathed the same, steady pace as we ran. Sometimes she would gain a few feet of ground, sometimes I would. But never once did we loose sight of each other. I could see the smile on her perfect face, and I died to impress her.

I shot forward with a burst of speed, and the obstacles in front of me became almost hard to spot as I approached them so quickly. I distinctly remember hitting something, but I was going too fast to spot it, and whatever it was, it flew out of my way at the impact. I could have screamed in laughter. I couldn't believe how powerful I was, and I had eternity to revel in it.

I noticed the mansion approaching, and barely had time to skid to a stop before crashing through the giant oak doors. I sighed. I breathed softly and evenly, not needing to pant, considering I had no heartbeat to fuel. I waited for a split second, when Maria shot out of the distance to stop right in front of me. Anyone else would have considered how close she was an intrusion of personal space, but I didn't. In fact, I wanted her closer.

"What took you so long?" I played.

She smiled wide, giggling her wind chime of a laugh again. I should have been worrying about my former life. I should have been thinking of my mother, my father, my two sisters. They would be so heartbroken when they learned of my disappearance. But I wasn't. Every time I heard Maria's laugh, or saw her smile, something told me everything would be okay.

I see now that it was a false sense of security.

Maria led me inside, where I was able to explore the giant home. It was three stories, including the underground basement. There were six bedrooms, not that we would be using them. Maria explained our inability to sleep, and it was the first fact I was truly disappointed about. I used to love sleeping. Actually, I believe it was dreaming that I would miss terribly. But then again, this all felt like a dream anyway.

As I descended the stairs of the house, I noticed the two others I'd seen earlier. They were both standing with Maria in the foyer. They spoke in hushed tones, but I still heard a few words.

"… will need more, though. Many more," one of the blondes said. She halted when she heard me approaching.

I paused as I reached the bottom of the stairs, and the two blondes turned to gaze at me.

"Oh, Maria!" the taller blonde exclaimed. "He's positively _more_ stunning than before!"

If I could have blushed, I probably would have. The way she said it made it sound like she was admiring a horse or other type of property but somehow, I didn't mind. On the contrary, I was fond of the attention.

She stepped forward, and held her hand out. "I am Nettie," she said sweetly.

In the fashion I'd been raised, I took her hand, bent my right knee behind my left, and bowed as I took her hand and kissed it. She smiled.

"Such a gentleman," she said as she took her hand back.

The other blonde stepped forward, but instead of holding her hand out, she began to slowly circle me, looking me up and down. She laid an incredibly gentle hand on my shoulder as she walked behind me, and dragged it over my back.

"Tall, well-built," she said. Again, as if inspecting a perspective horse to be purchased. "And beautiful," she said as she came to stand before me again. That's when she held out her hand to me. "I am Lucy."

I took it and did the same as I had to Nettie. "Jasper Whitlock. Pleased to meet you both."

Lucy stepped back to stand with the other two.

"So what's the plan?" I asked, turning my attention to Maria.

"Well… we were just discussing that," she said, playing with her hair again. "We need more. Quite a bit more."

"How many do you think? For taking Galveston, that is? How big is the… group controlling it now?" I was thinking in military terms.

"Whoa, slow down, tiger," Maria joked, and we both smiled at each other. I saw Lucy lean to whisper to Nettie out of the corner of my eye, but I ignored the movement. "There are sixteen. And it's called a coven, by the way," Maria continued. "We'll need at least that, if not more to overpower them. They're mostly males, and as you can see, we already have three women. Not that that has anything to do with how powerful we are."

"Didn't think it did," I added politely, and she chanced another smile at me. "So change more men," I said, but cringed at the thought of anyone else having to endure that.

Thankfully, she didn't read _that_ in my face. "Yes, we will have to. Tonight," she said.

That sparked my memory. "Oh, you mentioned the sunlight earlier…"

Without waiting for the rest of my sentence, she sauntered into the room to my left; a large sitting room. She approached a pair of huge, maroon curtains, and yanked them open.

I couldn't stop the gasp of amazement that fell from my lips. Maria's skin was just as pale as before, but now every inch of it glittered like the sun off of the ocean's surface. She lit up the room. Her dark hair perfectly contrasted the glowing snow-white skin, and I had to blink several times to make sure the image was real.

"A little noticeable, don't you think?" she said, pulling the drapes closed again. I wanted to tell her not to close them… ever, but I held my tongue.

"So," I began, tearing my eyes away from her. "What do we do now?"

She grinned, but didn't answer me right away. She slowly walked toward me, and she didn't stop until we were mere inches from each other. She stared into my eyes, and brought a hand up to stroke my cheek. I sighed, completely at ease at her touch. She gently pushed a stray strand of my curly blonde hair from my face.

"Now," she began, still staring me in the eyes. "We wait for night. Soon, Galveston will be ours."


	3. Chapter 3: Conflict

_*Little author's note: sorry this one's so short, the next few will be longer :-]*_

**Chapter 3 **

**Conflict**

In a fortnight, three new vampires had joined us, all male. Of course, all powerful, all beautiful, and all blood-crazed. I don't know what about me intrigued Maria, but she stayed close to me. She regarded the others as pawns, even Nettie and Lucy sometimes, but not me. I suppose I was glad, but I was still confused. I didn't understand her world just yet.

Of course, she took pleasure in schooling me. She taught me how to kill quickly and efficiently, and in return, I provided her with my military opinion. I needed her, and she needed me. We fit together like pieces of a really messed up puzzle. We fed often, and I grew constantly stronger, as did my new companions. However, I was beginning to understand what Maria meant when she said that young vampires were uncontrollable.

My comrades, whose names were Isaac, Jeremiah, and Joseph, were becoming more and more difficult to deal with. I, of course, was only a few days older than them in terms of… this new life, but I could look at them objectively. They saw in terms of their next feeding; their world was defined by the blood pumping through it. Naturally, if I was near a human, smelled them, I became the same way, but when I wasn't near them, I was able to think clearly. The other three couldn't even do that. And then they started considering ranks.

One day, I sat on the mantle in front of the large fire in the living room. We really had no need for the fire, but Maria liked the look of it, and we wanted it for light since the drapes shut out all sunlight. The other three sat together, away from me. They chattered mindlessly, and usually I tuned them out. But this day, I couldn't.

"I agree," Jeremiah was saying, in agreement to something Isaac had said that I hadn't caught.

"I don't see why we have to follow _her._ Shouldn't it be the other way around?" Joseph said.

"Of course. It's absolutely ludicrous for strong men like us to be outranked by a _woman. _Especially an old one_,_" Isaac finished, picking at his perfectly white teeth.

Joseph tossed a glance over at me, and I pretended to be ignoring him.

"It would be easy, you know," he said, so quietly the scurrying of mice could have drowned it out. "To take her out. She's old. She said newborns are far more powerful in their first year. The three of us versus her? She wouldn't even have time to scream."

That was the final straw. "You better watch your tongue, _newborn,_" I said, quite obviously using the term "newborn" as derogatory.

The three of them turned to face me, surprised I had spoken. I didn't converse with them often, for I found Maria's company far more interesting.

"What, you don't agree? You're okay with being second to a _woman?_" Joseph said, standing from where he was seated opposite the fire. I didn't feel threatened yet, so I didn't stand.

"Yes," I replied bluntly. Maria was incredibly intelligent. She knew how to lead an army, for she had done it before. I did as well, but not an army of newborn vampires. For that, I needed her expertise.

"Oh, come off it," Joseph said, stepping toward me. "You were a military leader, and now you're fine with _this?_"

"If you don't like it, leave," I said, standing to approach him and stare him in his wild eyes.

"Why should I leave? They agree with me," he jutted a finger at the other two. "Maybe you should."

"Oh don't start fights you're not willing to finish," I hissed, and turned back to sit at the fire.

I noticed Lucy peeking from behind a wall opposite me.

"Who says I'm not willing? Don't blow off the question," Joseph huffed, and I heard him take a step forward. "We all agree. We're just pawns of hers. To be pushed and pulled around. I say we form a coup."

"Yeah, you have fun with that," I said sarcastically, rubbing my temples.

He growled at me then, a deep, rumbling sound from low in his chest. I had discovered a broader array of vocal choices, shall I say, within the last few days. We were capable of making animal noises, which somewhat disturbed me. Nevertheless, I hissed back. Not as a challenge, just to blow him off.

Apparently, he didn't see it that way. He lunged toward me, his arms stretched to grab me. I dodged him easily, and he nearly leapt into the fire. I stood sandwiched between him and the other two now, and I didn't like the feeling. Actually, I hated the feeling. So I decided to fight back. I went for Joseph, since the other two didn't seem like a threat… yet.

We collided like two locomotives, the sound echoing off the walls. We growled and bit and scratched at each other like wild animals. But I had the upper hand. I had been trained in physical combat in my human years, so I knew what people expected. They expected you to go for the quick, easy kill; the head or the heart. So they were always guarding them. Of course, it was a little different with vampires considering those things wouldn't necessarily kill them. But the basic concept still applied; they expected you to come at them from the front, the quick kill. The sweet spot, so to speak.

As I said, I knew better. I feinted to the left as he lunged at me again, and he only stumbled past me by centimeters. That's all I needed. I whipped around behind him, grabbed him by his shoulders, and tore him to the ground. The force shattered the hardwood flooring beneath him. I didn't wait for him to recover. I just went for it.

Within fractions of a second, I was kneeling on his chest, taking a huge chunk out of his shoulder with my teeth. I growled as I spit the blood and gore off toward the other two. Joseph's scream made me cringe, it was so shrill and high pitched; a sound no human was even remotely capable of making.

That's when the other two got involved. As I leaned to bite Joseph again, I felt a piercing on the right side of my neck, and another on my left forearm. I had made the most obvious mistake any military man could make; I had forfeited my own protection for a good attack.

I barely had time to notice that Isaac had his jaw tightly clamped on my left forearm, and Jeremiah on my neck from behind. They tore me backwards, and I could hear the tearing of my flesh. I landed on my back, staring at the two of them as Joseph pushed himself to his feet. Jeremiah lunged.

I barely noticed what happened. One second Jeremiah was flying toward me, the next he was on the ground, whining and grasping his right hand; I noticed several fingers were missing, the blood flowing down his wrist. Then I noticed Maria standing slightly in front of me, Jeremiah's blood dripping from her lips. She snarled at Isaac, and he rolled his eyes.

He growled back as he backhanded her, and the force sent her sprawling to the ground. All of a sudden I was aware of a flooding of emotion. Something told me it was hers. She was afraid. Afraid for _me._ That made me angry… very angry.

I practically roared as I sprung at Joseph, who had gotten to his feet just to the left of Isaac. I didn't take him down, however. I planted my knees on his shoulders; my left pant leg soaking with the blood from his mangled left shoulder. I snarled at him one last time as I channeled my strength and grabbed both sides of his head. I didn't stop twisting when I was met with resistance at the halfway mark. I felt Maria's fear again at that point, and growled as I heard the cracking.

It didn't seem like it would be easy, but for me, it was. His head separated like the cork from a bottle of mead. I caught myself on my feet as his body collapsed, his hands twitching and grasping. I didn't look at it as I threw his head into the fire, followed by his body. I panted uncontrollably as I turned back to the other two, and Maria.

"Any other takers?" I barked. I'm sure my eyes were frightening, for I could feel the ferocity in them. I felt like a wild animal.

"Jasper," Maria said sweetly, stepping forward and laying a hand on my chest. "Calm down. They wont try anything again. Will they?" she snapped at them, and they bowed their heads and nodded 'no.'

"Come," she said, taking my hand and leading me away from them and toward the stairs.

I watched them intently, making sure they wouldn't attack us while our backs were turned. I could see Lucy enter the living room to calm them, no doubt. I didn't care. My mind was on fire with rage, and I wasn't sure all of it was mine.

Maria kept leading me until we reached a room, and she lead me inside, closing the door.

"That was a very valiant thing you did," she said calmly.

"It's just disrespectful," I ranted. "You gave them this life, and they take it for granted so easily."

"Shhh," she cooed, approaching me again. "It happens."

It was when she approached me then that I recognized a distinguished scent. It was an intoxicating mixture of lavender, peach, and vanilla. I knew it was her, but I wondered why I hadn't noticed before. Perhaps because the wind had been blowing. At any rate, it nearly paralyzed me.

I looked up at her. She had taken a dress she found from a room somewhere. It was a deep lilac, with white lace trim. I didn't think it was possible for her to become more beautiful.

I sighed, and tried to slump my shoulders. An excruciating sting pierced up my left arm, and my neck and shoulder. I gasped, shying away from the pain. My right hand flew reflexively to my left forearm, and I tensed away from the stinging in my neck and right shoulder.

"It's the venom," she said, laying a gentle hand on the left side of my neck. "I know it stings. There's really nothing to do about it, except time. I'm sorry," she said, looking me in the eyes.

I could feel it. She meant that. She really _was_ sorry for my pain. I smiled.

"I have a question," I said, still wincing at the stinging.

"Shoot," she said, still caressing my neck.

"When I was fighting with him… and not just then. There have been other times. I think I've been… _feeling_ other people's emotions. Yours, theirs. Everyone's. And I felt it as if it were my own. Like _I _was afraid. Like _I _was in pain. Is that normal?"

Her brow furrowed and she looked to the floor. "Hm," she said, more to herself than me. "Strange. It's rare…"

"What?" I asked, still rubbing my left forearm.

"Some of us are more… gifted than others," she said, looking back to me.

She obviously read my confusion. "Some have special abilities. I met one once that could become invisible. But that's the only other one I met. It's possible…"

"Oh," I replied, understanding. "Sorry I killed one of your soldiers," I said, changing the subject.

She smiled wider. "You were defending my dignity, Jasper. If there were ever a noble way to lose a member of one's army, that is it. Tonight, I shall make more. It will be as if nothing ever happened. When you feed, it will dilute the venom. Until then, unfortunately, you will have to live with the pain. But during the day tomorrow, we will set a tentative plan of action. And by the end of the week, this city will be ours for the taking."


	4. Chapter 4: A Plan of Action

**Chapter 4**

**A Plan of Action**

Within three days, our numbers had steadily grown to around eighteen. I had begun to experiment with this… ability, and had discovered much more than just experiencing other's emotions. I could physically make them feel any emotion I wanted. Which helped incredibly in times of debate. I wondered that, if I'd discovered this earlier, if Joseph would have had to die. I might have been able to calm him down… save him. I felt bad for having to kill him, but I would _never_ feel bad for defending Maria.

I figured it out when Isaac approached me one day as we all sat, absently scattered throughout the living room. I didn't know what his intentions were, nor did I care to find out. I merely sighed, and relaxed, not wanting to fight him at all. When I did that, his face changed completely.

"Whoa. Did you do that?" he gasped.

"Do what?" I asked calmly, still perturbed that he even had the guts to talk to me.

"I don't know… I… suddenly got really calm," he said, looking a tad bit awkward.

"Pardon?" I asked.

"I don't know, I thought maybe you did that. Lucy said that you told Maria…"

"Oh. Right. Possibly," I said, scratching absently at my temple. "Let me try something."

All I had to do to become angry was think of Maria's face when she'd been afraid for me. That did it rather well. I assumed that since I had wanted to be calm earlier, and I had wanted him to do the same, that the same concept would work here. I focused on the need to make him angry. Like I _wanted_ him to be as angry as me.

He gasped and staggered backward, his face angry and confused at the same time. Then I calmed again, not wanting my actions to spark another brawl. I didn't enjoy the smell of burning vampire. As I did, Isaac did. His shoulders slumped, and his face muscles relaxed into a natural set.

"Imagine that," he said, more to himself than to me.

"Yeah," I muttered under my breath. "Imagine that. What did you want, anyway?"

Isaac seemed lost for a moment, like he'd forgotten his intentions. "Oh, yeah," he stuttered, furrowing his brow. "Maria asked me to get you. She needs your, uh… military prowess."

I inclined my head in thanks, and walked past him without a backward glance. So not only could I feel other's emotions, I could force any emotion on them that I wanted. Might come in handy sometime…

I entered an adjacent room just at the other side of the living room. Maria sat at a large oak desk, a candle illuminating her moon white skin. A large piece of parchment lay on the desk before her.

Again, I noticed that same lavender-peach-vanilla scent that I had a few days before. I took it in deeply, and approached her.

"You called, madam?" I said, slightly sarcastic, yet still respectful.

"I did," she said, turning from what I now realized was a map of Galveston. She smiled brightly, and again, if it'd been beating, my heart would have leapt up my throat, out my mouth, and out the door. "I need your help with something."

I knelt next to her, examining the map.

"The Wilkinson coven is holed up here," she said, stabbing a knife, the origin of which I contemplated, onto a square she had drawn in the very center of Galveston. "Their numbers vary, but last I counted, which was the day before… you joined us, there were sixteen of them. Give or take a few. As I said, newborns are conflicts in and of themselves."

"Oh yes, I understand that now. _Very_ clearly," I said, and a moment of silent understanding passed between our blood-red eyes.

"Anyway," she said, tearing her eyes from mine and seeming somewhat confused. "I don't know how to go about instigating the attack. We cant just run in, excuse my word choice, but balls first. It's too open, too surrounded by human dwellings. Someone is bound to notice the chaos. And while that wouldn't have bothered me a while back, I have a feeling the Volturi would have my head for exposing us in such great numbers."

"So… what do you need me for?" I asked.

"Your opinion. We must draw them out of the city. We'll have to fight them in the surrounding forests to the northwest," she said, stabbing the knife into the area above Galveston.

I thought for a moment as I studied the map. "Well," I began. "How will we draw them out?"

"I've been considering that," she said, turning back to the map. "I thought maybe if we caused enough of a raucous among the humans, they might come out to defend their territory. If they think they're being encroached upon, they're sure to come out. Maybe not all of them, but enough. If we take out enough of them, then they wont have enough left to fight the rest of us off, and they might surrender."

I knew what she meant by "the rest of us." She knew we would lose some. Quite a bit, perhaps. But in that regard, Joseph had been right. Her newborns were just pawns to her. Somehow, it didn't bother me. I knew she depended on me, therefore I wasn't just one of her pawns. I was safe, for now.

"Yes, but if we pull them out toward the forest, we'll have considerably less maneuvering room," I said. Trees didn't slow us down that much; our reaction time helped us evade them at high speeds. But we did slow down by a fraction when surrounded by trees, and that might be a weakness we couldn't afford. "Maybe…" I said, thinking.

"What?" she said anxiously, and I grinned at the way she practically bounced on the edge of her seat.

"Maybe, if a few of us… and by us I mean, the um… disposable ones, lure them out in the other direction?" I asked, skirting the "disposable" topic with as much optimism as possible.

"How so? And to what avail?" she asked, looking confused again.

"Well, if a few can lure them toward Galveston Harbor, then the rest of us can come in from the north, here," I trailed my finger down the map, "trapping them against the shore. It's a bold move they wouldn't be expecting, since it's a little more out in the open than the northern forests. Also because they probably wouldn't think we'd be willing to sacrifice a few. Which… are we?"

Maria didn't answer me, just stared at me in wonderment.

"What?" I asked, fidgeting under her intense stare.

Her face twisted into a malicious grin. "I adore the way you think, Jasper Whitlock," she said, standing. I realized she'd changed her attire again; she was now wearing a deep navy dress that dipped low on her bosom. Part of me would always be that human man, so of course, I looked.

She didn't seem to mind. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I reveled at her touch. Whereas she was cold and hard when she'd touched me as a human, now she seemed soft and warm. Not warm in the traditional sense; we were technically the same temperature, but she felt warm in my mind.

I smiled. "Glad I could be of service, ma'am," I joked.

Her face turned serious, and she stared me in the eyes. "Thank you."

I smiled again, and no more words needed to be said. But I felt more meaning behind her thank you than just a military problem having been solved. I thought maybe, just maybe, she was thankful to have someone with her that wasn't as disposable as the others. Someone she could depend on. To an extent, I felt the same.

"Oh, I wanted to discuss something with you," I said, and her hands dropped from my neck, to my disappointment.

"What is it?" she said, turning to roll up the map on the desk.

"That… _thing_ I talked to you about the other day… I think it goes deeper than I imagined.

"How so?" she asked distractedly, slipping the map into her dress, which preoccupied me momentarily.

"I, um," I cleared my throat. "I think I can influence people's emotions, not just feel them myself."

That got her attention again. "What?" she asked, her head tilting like a curious puppy.

"Well earlier, when Isaac came to get me, I thought he meant to attack. I didn't want to fight him, so I remained calm. Long story short, when I wanted him to be calm… he just kind of… was."

"Huh," Maria deliberated for a second. "Interesting," she murmured, but I could see in her eyes she was planning to put my ability to good use.


	5. Chapter 5: The Wilkinson Brothers

**Chapter 5**

**The Wilkinson Brothers**

The following night, we were ready. And I was really starting to miss the escape that sleep provided. Being stuck in a house full of newborns with absolutely no retreat was starting to irk me. But, to take care of that, I was looking forward to the fight ahead of us. The thought of loss never occurred to me. We _would_ take Galveston. No question about it.

We split into three groups; one that went into the Galveston Harbor area to cause some mayhem with the tenants, one on the left side of the road leading to the harbor, and one to the right. We figured they would take the main road when they came; they had no reason to avoid it. The group in the harbor needed to be small enough to where our numbers wouldn't be too terribly depleted by their deaths. But, it also needed to be large enough to cause the Wilkinson clan to come out in large forces. So, we agreed on four. Four in the harbor, and seven on either side of the road. Of course, the group in the harbor didn't know they were being sacrificed so that we could have the element of surprise. They were under the belief that they would lure the Wilkinson army into the harbor, and then, after they were trapped, we would come in to "rescue" them. I couldn't believe they actually fell for that. But again, Maria had put my ability to use when she told them this plan, so they were at ease with it. I felt bad, sending four new vampires to their deaths, but I kept telling myself it was necessary.

Maria figured that our scent would give away the road groups' locations, so we hid amongst the houses near the harbor, letting the smell of the humans overpower us. It was difficult for me to keep all the newborns in check when all they thought of was the smell of human blood all around them, but somehow, I managed. This ability was far more useful than I'd previously believed.

That night, as we all crouched in our positions, I studied a rigid mark on my left forearm. It distinctly looked like two crescent moons, facing each other. The moonlight threw their raised form into relief, and I fingered them curiously.

"The venom scars," Lucy said from my left.

Maria had agreed that I should be with one of the road groups, and she would take the other. At first, we debated over the extent of my power; whether I could keep the newborns in check from across the street, but I was able to. I made a mental note to test the exact length at which my ability wore off on the… victim? I didn't know what to call someone I manipulated. So I went with victim, since it was technically against their will.

I sighed, and let my fingers trail aimlessly to my neck, where Jeremiah had bitten me. Sure enough, I could feel the raised, calloused skin there, in the same crescent moon shape as the one on my forearm.

"Ladies love scars," Lucy added, and the remark caught me so off guard that I actually laughed. I had to put my hand on my mouth to stay quiet.

She grinned back. I had insisted that the women stay behind, but they reminded me that they weren't as breakable as human women. In fact, sometimes the women were more ferocious in their violence. I had given in, figuring violence might be something that would help us.

I looked up as I heard a commotion in the harbor. The four vampires were doing their job perfectly. I was impressed with their self-control, even if I was mitigating it. They dragged every last human in the harbor from their dwellings, whether it be a ship, or boathouse. They rounded them into a circle, then their control broke. They went to town… so to speak.

I figured it was better that they got to feed one last time. At least they would remember the perfect, burn-easing qualities the blood held as they were torn to shreds by the Wilkinson army. The thought almost made me shudder. When the scent of the blood reached us, carried swiftly by the oceanic breeze, my control over the other vampires decreased considerably, and almost broke.

I swayed a little, trying to control myself before I built up my control on the others again. I kept having to remind myself that I was only days old, and the smell of blood was just as intoxicating to me as it was to them. Lucy put a hand on my shoulder to steady me, and it helped. I tried to concentrate on her scent to drown out the blood. Lucy was completely different from Maria, as was Nettie, Jeremiah, Isaac, everyone. Each vampire had their own distinct scent. It made me wonder what I smelled like to Maria.

Lucy's scent was a myriad of citrus and wildflowers, and it helped me ignore the scent of the human blood a great deal. I smiled weakly at her for the distraction. She returned the gesture.

Our requiem was cut short by the whipping sound of vampires through the air. I didn't catch all of them, but I counted at least eight darting into the harbor. _Perfect._

They stopped mere feet from the four feeding vampires in the harbor. They stopped, dropped their victims, some still squirming, and looked up at the eight vampires facing them. They were at a strange angle from us, so I could make out some of their faces; particularly the three at the front.

One was taller than the other two, with deep black hair and a lean build. The others were shorter, but had obviously been related in… their human life. They stood slightly behind the tall one, flanking his right and left sides. The rest spread in a triangle pattern behind him.

"Mind explaining what you think you're doing?" the tall one said, his voice ringing loud and deep.

"What's it look like? Feeding," Jeremiah responded. I couldn't say I was disappointed to see him as part of the harbor group. I still didn't appreciate his being a part of the conspiracy to dethrone Maria.

The tall one, who I assumed was one of the Wilkinsons, snarled a low growl of "newborns," then jerked a finger over his shoulders. Five of the vampires behind him sprung forward to attack ours. The fighting was intense. Within a few seconds, we had already lost one. But, in the following seconds, they lost one too.

I peered across the street to where I could see Maria, surrounded by the newborns just twitching for a fight. I couldn't say I wasn't looking forward to it either. We'd been cooped in that house for a week. We needed to blow off some steam.

She nodded minimally, and I grinned. In that same instant, I released them. Feeling their own floods of rage and excitement, our fourteen vampires leapt from their hideaways, and rocketed at the Wilkinson's forces.

If we were expecting the element of surprise, we outdid ourselves. The looks on the faces of the three leaders were priceless. I almost laughed. Maria and I went for them, as the other twelve took care of the other eight. It was an easy win for the others, but the three Maria and I had challenged were obviously older, more experienced. After five minutes of grappling with them, not one of us had fallen. We'd gotten some good bites in, but other than that, no one was receding.

To add insult to injury, I noticed the rest of Wilkinson's army approaching from the north.

I turned to several of our newborns that had just finished tearing theirs to shreds. I asked them to help Maria for a moment as I slipped away. We needed an edge.

So, I grabbed a lantern from a hook on the boathouse and threw it onto the nearest boat. It shattered as it hit the deck, catching the wood all around it.

"Isaac!" I yelled. He was closest.

He approached me quickly, waiting for my instruction.

"Start throwing the pieces onto that boat," I said, pointing at the mangled and twitching body parts of the vampires we had taken down.

Not only did we have to battle with Wilkinson's forces, but we had to clean up our tracks as we left them. I couldn't have the humans coming down here tomorrow morning to find pieces of twitching bodies, glittering in the sun. My plan was to have the bodies burn in the fire, and then be undiscoverable to the humans since the boat would sink. People would suspect something if they found a bunch of burned bodies.

Isaac obeyed, to my astonishment. I didn't think they would listen to me. But, I considered what Isaac had been discussing with Jeremiah and Joseph the other day. They didn't like being under the command of a woman. So, even if they didn't like me, they were more willing to follow my lead. Worked for me.

"And Isaac!" I yelled, and he turned from his duty to stare at me again. "If there's anybody not fighting, or finishing off a fight, send them our way. We're in trouble," I jutted a finger at the rest of Wilkinson's army who had now joined the fight.

He nodded obediently, and went back to tossing pieces into the blaze. The chaos around me was deafening, so I almost couldn't spot Maria, battling against two of the brothers on the other side of the docks.

Again, I had been ignorant of my surroundings. I didn't even hear him approach and tackle me. I'm lucky he was slightly off balance, for he was able to take me down, but he then skittered across the dock, his own force throwing him past me.

I knelt to look up at him, but he had recovered before I had. I realized it was the third brother. He threw himself at me again, and I went to dodge to the left. He obviously anticipated this.

He tackled me backwards, his arms pinning mine to the ground. It reminded me of when Maria had changed me. I struggled against him, which did little good. That's when I became worried. I could feel his hate, his rage. I knew he wouldn't be merciful with me.

He hardly hesitated before leaning in and biting hard on the side of my neck, deadening the muscle there. I screamed; it was an unreal pain. Almost as painful as the venom had been when Maria had changed me.

I vaguely remember hearing Maria scream my name. At the time I thought it was because she was in trouble. Later I realized it was because she saw that _I_ was. Whatever the case, her voice gave me strength. If I had nothing else to fight for, I had her. It was a strange connection between the two of us. Nettie had explained to me that some vampires took mates. I didn't think Maria and I were meant to be _that_, but we definitely had some kind of screwed up connection.

I yanked my head away from him, which tore my neck even more. I threw my legs upward, in between his, and wrenched him off of me. He snarled as he lost his balance, and I took advantage of the tiny moment. I pounced on top of him, pinning him just as he had done to me.

"I want you to know I'm going to enjoy this," I growled, and the ferocity in my voice frightened even me. He struggled against me, but not for long.

This is one of those moments I will not be detailing for you. Not because I think it unimportant, but because the sheer memory of how violent I was with him tortures me. Let's just say his head was _not _the first thing I removed, but the last. He was merely a blob of blood and flesh when I got to that point.

I hadn't realized the battle had gone to a standstill in my frenzy. I was surrounded by nine vampires, all my own allies, all awed at my show of brutality. I looked around, recognizing only the faces of Maria, Nettie, Lucy, and Isaac. I panted as I stood, wiping Wilkinson's blood from my face and arms. Maria looked impressed.

We all stood silently for what seemed like hours, but what was probably only minutes. Then, Maria threw her head back toward the sky and laughed. It wasn't malicious, but something about it was still sickening.

"Ah, you see? I told you this city would be ours! And we only lost nine. Not to bad, all things considered," she said, stepping forward to examine the docks.

I considered her lack of sympathy toward those that died a little disturbing, but then again, how could you care about something when you regarded it as just a pawn?

"We'll have to burn the docks, though," Maria said, disappointed. "Humans wont like this much blood."

I looked down. What used to be a mahogany colored wood dock was now drenched in shining red blood. Vampire's blood. You could actually hear it dripping through the wood into the water below. In life, I probably would have vomited at the sight. Now, I reveled in it.

Maria hopped aboard the boat I had set fire to, which was slowly sinking, and grabbed a blazing torch. She smiled as she threw it back onto the dock, watching the flames lick at the blood. She threw some remaining pieces onto the boat, some of which I recognized as Jeremiah. Couldn't say I was sorry.

She approached me, and her smile faded. She reached up to touch my face, and I reflexively pulled away. I'd had too many vampires going for my face tonight.

She grinned again, and I felt sheepish for pulling away. She reached up again, dragging one gentle finger below my left eye.

"Your eyes are black, Jasper," she said sweetly. "He must have gotten more out of you than I thought."

When my attention was brought to it, the burning sting in my neck was practically throbbing. I tried to move my neck slightly, testing how bad it was. The pain shot down my back, and I involuntarily whined an outward breath.

Maria sighed, and I felt her empathy.

"Come," she said. "You have done well. You all have," she said, turning to face the remnants of her army. "You will be rewarded."


	6. Chapter 6: Rewarded

**Chapter 6**

**Rewarded**

Rewarded. When we did well, we were rewarded. With what you ask? What do you think. We were given our choice of humans, and were allowed to choose how many. After the beating I'd taken from Wilkinson, I needed two, and I still didn't feel satiated. But, I shrugged it off. We still stayed in the same home we had been in, but the city now belonged to us. And there was no threat of takeover anywhere on the horizon.

Maria was ecstatic. I wouldn't use the same term for me, but if she was happy, I was… well, at ease. I wouldn't go so far as to say I was _happy._ I realized now that I was surviving on luck. I needed more training, and so did the others. We won Galveston because we outnumbered the Wilkinsons, that was all. I suppose Maria gleaned this as well, for she put me in charge of the others. It suited me perfectly. I liked having something I was meant for; a purpose.

I began to slacken my emotional hold on some of the newborns, just so they would fight. Just so I could watch them. I needed to see how they thought, how they moved. And it helped. I even instigated fights sometimes just so I could test new theories on defeating them. Ninety-nine percent of the time, I was spot on. The other one percent contained me acquiring a few new scars. But what's a few scars when your body is becoming the marred surface of granite, anyway?

Maria was very pleased with me. We returned to our mansion as dawn approached, and Maria's good mood couldn't be missed. It was like a child on Christmas. She almost didn't know what to do with herself. Success was a natural high for her. She gloated to me as she led me upstairs to find me a suitable outfit; mine was red where it was supposed to be white, and purple where it was supposed to be blue. To put it lightly, I was drenched in blood.

"Oh, Jasper," she sighed, flipping open a trunk in a random bedroom. "It feels so _good_ to be in control again. When I lost my territory last time, I didn't think I'd ever climb this far again. I thought I'd be a straggler forever."

I was sitting on a stool at the end of the bed, watching her rummage through the previous tenant's clothes.

"Where was your last territory? Here?" I asked, wondering if she knew those brothers.

"No," she replied absently, tearing a white shirt from the bottom of the trunk and spilling other garments all over the floor. "Monterrey, in Mexico. It was my birthplace. My human, and my vampire birthplace. Can you imagine how it would feel to own your hometown?"

I thought back to Houston, where my family was probably still grieving. "No," I replied honestly. "I can't." I didn't want to mention that I would never consider bringing this monstrosity of a coven to the city where my family still lived. I couldn't imagine if we ran into them… if I couldn't control myself… I shuddered at the thought of me, or anyone for that matter, drinking the blood of my sisters, my mother, my father.

Maria turned around then, obviously seeing my involuntary shiver.

"Something wrong?" she asked as she approached me with the clothes in her hands.

"No, nothing," I mumbled under my breath as I stared at the ground.

She was quiet for a moment, then she knelt in front of me. She put a finger under my chin to make me look at her, but it wasn't very gentle. It was more like she wanted to try to read me.

"You know, you really impressed me tonight," she said, deciding whatever conflict was raging in my head should stay my own. I silently thanked her for that.

"Did I?" I asked absentmindedly.

"Yes," she said as she started to unbutton my shirt. "I didn't think you were capable of such… hostility." I hardly took that as a compliment.

Once she had it unbuttoned, Maria went to push the shirt off my shoulders. I tried to shrug out of it, forgetting the bite on my neck. I gasped, the pain shooting down my spine again, this time making my head spin. My entire body stiffened, trying to fight off as much of the pain as possible. Maria paused, and walked around me to sit on the bed, where she examined the bite.

"He got you good," she said.

I knew it had healed closed, but that didn't stop it from hurting like it hadn't.

"Really? I hadn't noticed," I said sarcastically through gritted teeth.

She slowly continued to remove the shirt again, this time making sure not to hurt me. She leaned forward, her lips right next to my ear.

"You know," she began, and there was something in her voice I couldn't place. "I could suck most of the venom out. It wouldn't sting so bad."

My brows furrowed at her offer. I hardly considered another bite the cure to this one. But before I could decline, I felt her teeth slice into the side of my neck. I jolted as she did, and I felt her teeth sink deeper. I whined slightly and reflexively pulled away from her. However, I didn't try too hard as I felt the blood exiting my body, the venom with it.

As quickly as she had started, she stopped; licking my neck where she had bitten me. I could still feel a small stinging, but nowhere near what it had been.

"Better?" she asked huskily.

I turned my face so that I could look at her. "Yes, actually," I said, so quietly I wondered if she heard me.

She stared at me for a few seconds, her eyes flitting over the features of my face. Then, just as unexpected as her offer had been, she scooped her arms under mine and dragged me onto the bed. She whipped around to straddle me, grinning as she did. I could feel her emotions then, and they weren't nearly what I expected.

I knew what she wanted right now, so I figured I would feel lust from her. Wrong. It was control she wanted. She was high on her success from capturing Galveston, but she wanted to make sure she was in control of her army, not just the city. Starting with me.

I didn't know what to think. What to do. Should I fight her? If this was nothing but a shallow need for superiority, then should I really indulge her? Then again, I didn't know if vampires were capable of love, so this might be as good as it gets. I sighed and allowed her to undress me further, smiling at what she had created.

We made love for more than half the day. We didn't kiss once.

* * *

When your time isn't limited, you don't realize how quickly it passes. For almost half a year, we held Galveston without a thought nor whisper from any outside forces. We didn't feel the need to make any new vampires, so the nine she had were immensely trained. We became far better soldiers, but to what end? No battles needed fighting…

That's when Maria became greedy. She wanted more. We didn't need more hunting land; Galveston was the perfect size for nine vampires to coincide with ease. No, she just wanted the thrill. It wasn't enough that she had an enormous territory to call her own, and a strong following ready to fight for her. Not to mention she had me wrapped around her perfect little finger, willing to provide her with any luxury, whether it be physical indulgence, or just plain bloodletting.

I couldn't resist her. This was the only existence I knew, and she was incredibly… how shall I say… persuasive. She gave me everything I wanted and more; blood, the army to call my own, not to mention the physical relationship that developed after that night.

And I use the word "relationship" lightly. I say it because it was a system of relating, nothing else. Our bond was definite, but not lasting. All I had to do was say "no" and her clutch on me would loosen. But I couldn't. It seemed that I would shame her. She gave me everything I desired, was it so wrong that I pamper her?

Every time she thought I might be wavering in loyalty, she would reel me in again, seducing me into that same deadly dance. Our coven was like the family that seems perfect on the outside, but hides so much more on the inside. Outwardly, we were perfect. Our newborns worked together like never before. There were no fights between us unless I allowed there to be. Even Maria, Nettie, and Lucy could cooperate more easily. But on the inside, something was going wrong. I couldn't see it yet, but I could feel it. Maria was starting to eye other cities, wanting more land. She started changing more newborns again, and she started to pay more attention to my loyalty, if you catch my drift.

She was worried that I would see where this was going. And I did. I knew what her plan was. She wanted to just make legions of newborns, take more cities, and then dispose of the newborns once their usefulness wore out at the year mark. I knew it, and yet I did nothing. Her hold on me was tighter than ever, suffocating in a metaphorical way. So much so that the oxygen stopped reaching my brain, and I thought all this was normal. That this was just how it worked. Again, I'm using oxygen as a metaphor… I obviously don't breathe.

After only seven months, she was prepping us to invade her hometown of Monterrey. She made it look like she cared about us; telling us to tell _her_ when we were ready. When we were strong enough. I don't see why. At the number of twenty, we outnumbered any other coven within hundreds of miles. We worked together so well that it was safe to have that many. But in the end, I trained them all, sometimes pitting them against each other so they could practice. I would never let them kill each other, but I let them do some damage. After the months of this, they were incredibly well trained for newborns. Sometimes, even I would get involved, so that they knew what it would be like to fight a grown vampire.

Of course, I wasn't that much older than most of them, some (like Isaac) I was only days older than. But I was far more experienced, so they listened. Maria had become rather fond of me, and considering I was repressing her tight grip on me, I practically worshipped the ground she walked on. I knew she was controlling me like a dog on a leash, but I ignored it to keep my sanity. I had to feel like _someone_ cared about me in this life.

So, we made our way to Monterrey. The group controlling Monterrey, the one that had taken it from Maria the first time, was an army of only nine newborns, and two older vampires controlling them. I tried to convince Maria to leave some of our force back in Galveston, but she wouldn't hear it. She wanted to destroy the vampires that stole this land from her. So, twenty-three against eleven, she unleashed us.

It was as if you had chopped the legs off of a pig, set loose a lion, and expected the pig to hold it's own. We took them down within two hours, only losing four in the process. That victory was unheard of. Maria would gloat that it was my having trained them. She was just winding me tighter with every compliment, every daytime reward.

The city changed hands without a single human noticing. They didn't even detect the fire we set to burn our enemies. It was a flawless capture. And again, Maria was ecstatic. Again, we were handsomely rewarded. At the end of one year, we owned most of Texas and northern Mexico.

However, at the eighteen-month mark, I was the only original member of her army, minus Nettie and Lucy. We had lost Isaac fighting for Monterrey, and most of the others taking the rest of Texas. She just kept changing more like nothing had happened. She was careful yes, but her lack of affection toward the lives of her soldiers was becoming increasingly disturbing to me. The same pattern continued for years, over ten to be exact. We kept taking more and more territories, changing more and more soldiers as the others perished.

That's when the others came from the south to dislodge her. I don't think she realized how close she came to loosing me.


	7. Chapter 7: Defending Territory

**Chapter 7**

**Defending Territory**

It was early on a foggy night when we got the message. We regularly sent soldiers to skirt the borders of our main cities: Monterrey, Galveston, and (to my disappointment) Houston. We rarely had any commotion. It was usually just a straggling newborn feeding in our territory. But this night, it wasn't just a false alarm.

It was one of our older soldiers, around eight months old, who gave us the message. He had been in one of the smaller cities, Hidalgo to be exact, feeding when he saw them coming. When he reached us, he was terrified. His fear nearly knocked me off my feet. When Maria asked him how many were coming for us, his fear reared up like a flame. I actually had to take a step away from him.

"At least thirty, maybe more, coming from the west. It's two armies, their leaders working together. We can't take thirty!" he was practically shaking.

"Contain yourself!" I said, stepping forward and calming him. I couldn't take dealing with his fear any longer.

He visibly relaxed, but his eyes were still wide with panic. I turned to Maria.

We were standing in a large, plush home, the one the last coven had inhabited before we annihilated them. She was wearing a more Latin attire; her bright red dress bunched in large folds below her waist and dragging behind her. She had found me a plain white shirt and black pants, but she really wanted me to dress as an aristocrat. This was all a game to her. She wanted to be a queen, and she wanted to drag her prince with her.

"I will have to change more, then," Maria said, completely at ease.

"There's no time," the messenger said. "They were headed straight here! Even if you have time to change more, he won't have time to train them," he jutted a finger at me.

Maria was quiet for a moment. "Even so, it is better to have large numbers, even if they aren't trained. Maybe they'll take out a couple before they fall." Again, her lack of sympathy was alarming. She turned to me. "You shall help me." She didn't wait to see my completely surprised face before turning to dart out the door.

I followed, but I was afraid. I'd never changed a single vampire. That was her job. I was afraid of the emotions that would torture me as I changed more soldiers.

"I…" I stuttered, still following her at a brisk walk. "I'm not sure I can do this."

She reeled on me. "You're not afraid, are you?" she said, her eyes piercing into mine.

I actually backed away from her. When her territories were threatened, she turned into an animal. And not one I would pet, either.

"I… no. I just… worry what their emotions will do to me," I said, not meeting her gaze.

"Ignore them then," she said blankly, and turned away to keep walking. That meant this discussion was over. I sighed and followed obediently.

In total, we changed three new soldiers in an hour. And I was exactly right with my expectations on their emotions. I felt like _I_ was dying all over again. _I_ felt the burning in my veins as they lay on the ground, writhing in pain. They were so mystified when they first saw me; so unaware of the threat. They were so afraid when they knew what was happening to them. It was a mirror image of the night Maria changed me, all but a year and a half ago.

I could feel their power. Once the change was complete, they were undeniably thirsty. But, unlike when she changed me, she didn't allow them to hunt right away. Keeping them under control was a daunting task to me, considering how thirsty they were, but failure was not an option. I knew Maria's temper was running thin right now, and I didn't want that spark in her eye to turn into a wildfire.

She told them that if they wanted to feed, they had to fight for it. So, dazed and confused, they followed her. Well… us.

We gathered at our mansion, everyone fidgeting under the suspense. We knew what we were in for. Maria was more bothered by the trouble it caused her, not actually worried about losing any territory. I thought she was under reacting. Thirty? We'd never faced a force that big before. Many of us would be fighting two at a time. And that worried me.

I approached Maria, standing slightly behind her. She was staring at the horizon, waiting. She knew the army approaching us would likely stop to feed, but that was all. They would be here in a matter of minutes. I peered up at the half moon shining down on us, wondering how much time we had until dawn. I didn't still want to be fighting when the sun came up.

"Maria," I said softly so that only she and I could hear.

"Yes," she replied curtly, the threat on her territory stressing her.

"I need to know something," I said, stepping up so I was right beside her.

She turned her head to look at me, her eyes quickly but noticeably flashing to one of the scars on my neck.

"Tell me I'm not just one of your pawns," I begged, my voice sounding quite a bit more vulnerable that I planned it to be. "I need to know I'm fighting for something."

She actually turned her whole body to face me as she considered my query. She was quiet as she stared at me.

"Maria, your silence hurts more than words would," I said, sure that my face was giving me away.

She looked me in the eyes, as she replied, "No. No, Jasper, your not. You know that."

I wasn't so sure. "My strength is fading. I'm just over a year old. Has my usefulness waned as well?"

Her brow furrowed, but not in a condescending way. It was more like thoughtfulness.

"Of course not. You're not just one of _them_ to me, Jasper. You are so much more useful than them," she said.

"Is that all I am, then? Useful?" I asked, my voice now sounding accusing.

She looked hurt. She opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted.

"Enemies approaching!" one of the soldiers to my right called. "Seems to be over thirty!"

Maria's lips pursed into thin lines as she looked away from me and toward the soldier.

I looked toward the horizon, where I could see the dark cloud that was our enemies approaching. I looked back at Maria, who seemed torn between finishing this conversation and turning to fight.

"Don't worry," I said, my voice harsh. "I know what's more important to you." I turned away from her, walking out in front of our line.

"You have been trained well," I called to all of them, without turning to face them. "I have faith that you could each be outnumbered by three and still rise victorious. I have truly enjoyed training you all. And if you don't fight for me," I paused finally turning to look at the beautiful Maria, who was now flanked by Nettie and Lucy. "Fight for her," I raised a hand in her direction.

Many of the soldiers loosed battle cries. I turned away from them again. "Give them hell!" I called, and the vampires around me charged forward with me, hissing and growling at our approaching enemies.

I use the locomotive metaphor a lot, and that's because that's what it looks, sounds, and in some cases smells like. Our two armies collided, not bothering to stall before we hit. I actually clotheslined two vampires with one swing of my arms, both of them slamming to their backs on the ground. The impact actually drove them into the dirt. I growled a low, menacing rumble, and one of them truly looked scared. Once I felt their emotions flooding into me, I realized he was. I didn't care. Maybe he shouldn't have threatened our territory.

I knelt between the two of them, grabbing each of them by the hair and ripping their heads back. I turned to the one on my right, the one who didn't seem as afraid. I grinned as I ripped into his neck with my teeth. The bite went all the way to the spine, exposing the ashen bone there. He screeched, but I didn't give him much of a chance. I could feel the other vampire in my grip struggling as he watched me finish the job with a brute yank of my arm. I tossed the head aside, turning back to the other vampire.

He struggled against me, clawing at my arm and kicking at me. He was quite a bit stronger than me, but my grip was solid. I realized that vampire fingernails must also be capable of breaking our skin, because his dug right into the muscle of my forearm. I merely grinned wider.

"Please don't!" he begged. "I'll surrender!" he begged again, still scratching at my arm. His eyes were wide with panic as I leaned closer to him.

"Maybe you should have thought of that earlier," I said, and twisted his head so harshly that it didn't even hesitate at the halfway point. It tore right off like parchment. I inhaled deeply, looking up to see several more vampires charging me.

"Come on, then!" I screamed, throwing the head of my most recent victim at them.

One of them battered it out of the way, and charged at me. This time, I took a different approach. I dipped to the right, and his charge whizzed right past me. I used my momentum to ram another vampire, sending him sprawling to the ground. I knew I had fractions of a second to act before the one who'd charged me initially wheeled to ram me again. So, instead of taking time with beheading the vampire I had tackled, I resorted to ripping both his arms from their sockets.

He howled in pain, and I could hear the other one whizzing through the air behind me. I rolled to the left, and he flew past me again, this time crashing into the vampire I had just rid of his arms.

I stood, and leapt onto the back of the first vampire, and he thrashed, trying to get a hold of me. But he couldn't. I grabbed his hair, tearing his head to the side, and sank my teeth into the side of his neck. I tore off a nice big chunk, spitting it onto the gore-spattered grass below me. He screamed, but didn't lose his concentration. Instead, he reached above his head to grab the shoulders of my shirt and throw me forward; over his head and onto my back on the ground in front of him.

He crouched to bite, but again, I rolled away. In my time spent studying the newborns, I learned that evading them was an extremely useful trick. They went straight for the obvious kill, and if you maneuvered around them enough, they became confused for a split second. A split second was all I needed.

As he paused, trying to push himself upright again, I wheeled by body weight backward, throwing a roundhouse kick to his jaw that I knew broke the bone. He staggered sideways onto all fours, one hand gripping at his jaw. I launched myself off the ground, flying through the air and landing with one leg on either side of him. I hissed as I twisted his head just as I had the other two. I was getting used to this.

I stepped off of him in disgust as his body fell, twitching, to the ground. I spat on him as I walked away, tossing his head aside. The scene around me seemed like chaos. There was fighting everywhere. Screaming filled the air; a wicked, animalistic screaming. I worried that the humans a few miles from here would hear.

That's when all the emotion hit me. It was a tirade of rage, fear, and anxiety. It nearly made me double over. I stopped dead in my tracks, trying to get a hold of myself. It turned out to be a huge mistake.

I was tackled from behind, and as far as I could tell, by more than one vampire. One of them had me in a chokehold, one of them had bitten my left forearm and another had done the same to my right, and they were holding my arms out so I couldn't fight back. I tried to pull my arms from their grasp, but all I managed to do was tear my own skin. The one that was behind me kicked the back of my legs, and I fell to my knees. I lurched forward, hoping to throw the one behind me forward. It worked.

He was thrown onto the ground in front of me, but I was still held by the two who had their jaws clamped on my arms. I went to throw my weight to the left, so that I could hopefully work my way out of the teeth of the one on my right. That, however, didn't work.

He merely clamped down harder and I felt his teeth hit the bone. I stifled a scream as the one on my left did the same, but actually cracked the bone. Then I felt another set of teeth clamp down on my left arm. I struggled against them, but to no avail. They held me tighter, pushing me farther into a bow, tearing at my arms.

I looked up to see the one I had thrown off, and was astounded to see it was a female. She was sulking toward me, a wicked grin spreading her obviously Mexican features. The ones holding my arms stopped shredding at the flesh, and just held me in place.

"You're the one who's helped her take Texas and most of Mexico, aren't you?" the woman said.

I tried to struggle again, but yet another set of teeth fastened onto my upper right arm. Now I had four restraining me, two to each arm.

"Not necessarily," I said, and my voice sounded tortured.

She knelt in front of me and forced me to look her in the eyes.

"She killed my mate," she said, her grip on my face tightening.

At that moment I wondered where my allies were; why no one had stopped this madness. I thought perhaps that we had lost, and I was just the last one standing.

"Well, I'm terribly sorry, madam. Maybe he should have thought twice before attacking me," I responded, and spat in her face.

She growled a low, threatening snarl, then her hand drifted to my neck.

"I'm going to enjoy this," she sneered.

I felt her long fingernails dig into my throat on either side of my jugular. I tried to scream, but no sound escaped. That's when I felt the others begin to ravage my arms again. I tried desperately to throw them off, and sometimes I actually managed to throw one of them off balance. But before I could gain any leverage against the others, whomever I threw off would be on top of me again. The fact that they were still behind me didn't help me at all.

I was lucky they didn't manage so sever my limbs. But the pain of what they were doing to me was excruciating. I figured this woman wanted to watch me suffer first. And suffer I did.

I didn't realize what was happening to me. My eyesight started to falter; first it was fuzzy at the corners, then it became darker. My movements were slow, terribly slow. I felt like I was stuck in a time warp. I moved slowly, while they continued to mangle me. My airway began to constrict; not that I needed the air, but it still didn't make sense to me. These things hadn't happened to me since my human life.

My sight started to go black then, and parts of my body actually stopped responding. The pain was unreal. If I could have screamed, I would have been. I wasn't ready to give up, however. I kept fighting, even though every move I made felt like slow motion. Each time I moved, fire raced through my body. I began to panic when my sight continued to stay black.

I thrashed against them blindly, and then I heard yelling and commotion. I distinctly remember two pairs of the teeth that were mauling me disappearing. I could still hear commotion and yelling, but my sight was still not returning. I felt the remaining vampires drop me, and when I hit the ground, I actually managed a scream.

When I started, I couldn't stop screaming. If I thought being changed was bad, this was strictly the deepest pit of hell. My limbs felt like they were truly on fire, and every time I tried to move them, they burned hotter than a flash furnace. I tried to take in another breath to scream, but my breath hitched. I began choking, feeling the hot liquid of blood in my throat, my mouth. My airway was almost closed now, my throat burning wildly.

I tried to feel around for anything to tell me I was still alive, but all I felt was the blood-drenched grass. My muscles were screaming in agony, begging for something I didn't know how to give them. I actually started to tremble then, and they progressively worked up into small seizure-like convulsions.

I heard someone speaking, and I tried very hard to cling onto the voice. It was male.

"What's wrong with him?" I heard the voice say, obviously somewhat worried. So at least this wasn't an enemy come to finish the job.

Then I heard that ever-familiar voice; the voice that always managed to calm me, even though we had our differences. Maria.

"He has too much venom in him to function properly," she was saying, and she sounded panicked. "Quickly, find someone. Anyone. Any human. I don't care if it's the human President, just _go_!"

I reached out blindly, but my hand was trembling so badly that I doubted it did much. Luckily, she found it. I hadn't expected such a gesture from her, but she was gripping my hand tightly. I grasped hers firmly, my sight still black as pitch.

"Easy, Jasper, it will all be over soon. Just _don't_ let go of me, okay?" she said, and I could hear her right beside my ear.

I tried to nod but a sudden blaze raced down my spine, shocking my legs. I mustered another scream. Surely this couldn't be real. I felt Maria's hand tighten on mine, and the pressure made my arm burn hotter.

I whimpered and tried to pull away from her. She held fast though, and the stinging continued. I rolled over sideways; the movement making me convulse again, and spat a huge amount of blood from my mouth. I tried to take in another breath but my throat felt like razors. I moaned and tried to lay as still as possible as my body tried to eat me from the inside out.

Maria never let go. I could smell the human blood, but I didn't care. I didn't even raise my head. My shivers had become so bad that every single one tortured me. I didn't want to risk movement.

"Here," I heard that same male voice say, and felt the soft pressure of warm skin against my lips. I could smell it- human blood.

Opening my mouth to bite sent a shock down my jaw and neck, but I did it anyway. I soon found the warm liquid flooding into my mouth, and I drank. Drank like I would never drink again.

The trembling was the first to go. I assumed it was because my muscles were finally being provided the blood they desperately needed. Then it was the burning in my veins that dissipated. Then my vision began to return, first in small dark patches, then fuzzy images, then a stark imitation of normal.

I barely moved my eyes to look around. Familiar faces surrounded me; all of them were part of my army. And of course, there was Maria. But what surprised me was her face, and the emotions I felt emanating from her. She was worried at first, then relieved. She studied my every move, like she thought I might fall apart any second. I realized that her hand was still tightly wrapped around mine.

I released what I now realized was a human wrist, and fell back onto the grass to take a deep breath. Everyone's relief flooded through me. Maria's hand relaxed, then released mine. I just lay for a moment, trying to control myself. I knew I still didn't have nearly enough blood in my veins, for the stinging continued. But at least the tremors and blindness had stopped.

I leaned up slowly to a sitting position, Maria reaching out to help me. I didn't need it, but I let her support me.

Everyone was still watching me. I sighed.

"Well," I said, and my voice sounded like I had just swallowed a bucket of jagged rocks. "That was fun and all, but let's _not_ do that again."

Everyone laughed, but Maria's sounded strained. I hoped I had put things into perspective for her.


	8. Chapter 8: Recovery

**Chapter 8**

**Recovery**

Maria helped me to my feet. I stood cautiously, wondering if my still weak muscles would support me. Luckily, they did. But I felt strange; tired and shaky. I could usually run a thousand miles and not be tired. I was confused, and a little scared. I didn't like feeling weak. Maria held onto me for a few minutes, probably to make sure I didn't fall. I held onto her too, uncertain that I wouldn't.

I was satisfied that my limbs would hold, and I chanced a look around. Bodies littered the field where we had met the attacking armies, some still twitching. Our army surrounded Maria and me, peering around anxiously. I didn't have the dedication to count, but it looked like we had about twelve left. Not bad for twenty-three against an army of over thirty.

"What…" I began to ask, but my voice still sounded slow and jagged.

"We were winning," Maria began, walking over to one of the bodies and tearing a part of its cotton shirt off. "I was held up with the leader of one of the armies when I noticed you were in trouble. I sent this one," she pointed to a male soldier, "to assist you."

I turned to face him, and got a look at him. I recognized him from several training sessions, but I had never taken the time to speak with him. He wasn't much taller than me, but he was a little better built. He wasn't too broad, but he seemed like he knew how to manage his stronger build. He had high cheekbones, but they were offset by the fact that they sunk in a little. He had shaggy black hair, but it still looked like he actually went through the trouble of taming it on better days.

"I thank you, friend. Surely without you, I wouldn't be here to speak to you," I said, holding out my hand.

He took it in his strong grasp, shaking it lightly. I thought maybe he thought it might break off. Again, I wasn't totally sure it wouldn't.

"Not a problem. And don't call me Shirley," he said, smiling wide.

I grinned in return, taking my hand back. "Names Jasper, but you probably knew that already."

"Peter," he said, grinning again, and the smile was a more genial quirk than I had seen in months.

"Like I said… we _were_ winning," Maria began again. She was wrapping the cotton shirt around a large piece of timber, where she promptly used a match (I wondered where she'd been keeping the small matchbox) to light the torch and throw it off into the middle of the field. "As soon as I was finished with that leader, I came to help. I had to ignore several, and they got away to the north. I think around nine or so. I'd bet all my territories that they're headed for Fort Worth."

Fort Worth was one of our northernmost territories, along with Dallas. We usually kept some forces there, but not a big enough one to fend off the attackers that got away. Maria and I exchanged glances, and I figured we were thinking the same thing; we're going to loose Dallas and Fort Worth. We may be able to hold onto the southern territories of Houston and Galveston, possibly Austin if we got there in time.

"I assume this means we keep Monterrey?" I asked, considering that _we_ were still here, and the enemies weren't.

Maria nodded curtly. I could tell she wanted to be angry about Dallas and Fort Worth, but things here were more pressing.

She sighed. "Well," she said, eyeing the flames that were now spreading through the blood-soaked plain. "I think you should feed again, otherwise that venom will start to torture you again."

I nodded, and she tentatively led me into town. I fed on two more humans, and finally felt back to normal. It made me wonder how many times I'd been bitten. However, my skin put it into perspective. As I looked at my arms, I realized exactly how many times I'd been bitten. Upon the other scars I had, now my arms were riddled with them. I sighed, missing my perfectly flawless newborn skin.

I could tell that my… experience had changed the way Maria regarded me. Positively or negatively, I had yet to find out. But regardless, she was gentler. Like she didn't want me to think she didn't care. I wondered if it was the conversation we'd had before the fight.

We all walked back to the plantation, all silent. I figured some of them had seen what was happening to me, and could barely even consider what it must have felt like. None of them spoke to me, except Peter. He was cordial, didn't treat me like a battered animal. He ignored the fact that I was covered in my own blood, and just talked to me. I rarely answered his statements, but the talking actually helped me to not think about the fight. If I did, I would start to panic, realizing how close I'd been to death. He seemed to read this, and was content with just talking and letting me listen. It was an incredibly decent gesture of him.

When we reached the house, the sun had already risen. We hurried to get inside, the sun glancing off our skin. Everyone was still eerily quiet.

Maria didn't stop in the living room with the others to talk about victory, like she usually did. Instead, she took me by the hand and led me to one of the ground-floor bedrooms. She directed me across the bedroom and through another door. I realized it was a bathroom. A tin tub shined dimly from the corner. She started the water, and the pipes groaned as it sprayed into the basin. At that time, indoor plumbing wasn't typical, so I figured whomever owned this place before was endowed enough to afford it.

Now that I wasn't being distracted, I was stunned into a frozen position. I'm sure I resembled more of a statue than a man. I stared straight ahead, yet didn't look at anything in particular. I could tell Maria was bustling around the room, but I paid her no mind. And it barely registered when she touched me.

I stayed frozen in place as she slowly undressed me. I could tell in my peripheral vision that the clothes were even more drenched in blood and dirt than I'd thought. My delirium only worsened, and when she tugged on my arm, I didn't even budge.

I could tell that Maria had stepped in front of me, but I was looking right through her.

"Jasper," she said quietly, and I could tell, through her voice and emotions, that she was worried sick.

The break in the silence that her voice caused made me jump and shy away from her. Every sound reminded me of what it had been like; to feel their crushing teeth on my bones, knowing it was going to mean my death. Every small sound was an instant replay of my tearing flesh, my unresponsive body.

"Jasper," she gasped again, worried even more that I had shied away from her.

She embraced me, and the touch did nothing for my disorientation. I didn't care that I was naked, I didn't care that I was covered in gallons of the human's blood that I'd mangled in my hunger. I just didn't care.

She tugged on my wrist again, and this time I allowed her to drag me to the tub, and help me in. I still stared straight forward, but I noticed that she had removed her dress, and was now in only the petticoat. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, a petticoat is like a slip-dress that goes underneath the actual dress. It's usually made of some kind of extremely light material, and is very simple in its coverage. It's an old tradition, I know. So am I.

Maria walked around behind the tub and out of my vision. Bad idea on her part. The sound of her behind me, knowing that I couldn't see her, recalled the feeling of the four vampires behind me, unable to stop them from mauling me.

I jerked sideways, making sure to get her back into my visual field. The movement caused the water in the tub to slosh violently, some of it jumping over the sides. She noticed, and I felt a twinge of pity surge from her. She knelt next to the tub, staring in my eyes. I looked back, but still felt as if I were looking past her. She picked up a sponge from an old wooden table, dipped it in the water, and began to squeeze it gently on my skin. The dried blood flooded off with the cascading water.

That's when I finally started to relax. My subconscious finally accepted that the threat was over, and thank God for that. Everything started to make sense again. I sighed, finally looking back at Maria rationally. She looked relieved.

"You okay?" she asked quietly, careful to keep her voice gentle.

I nodded, not sure I was capable of speech.

She sighed in relief, still squeezing the water over my tense shoulders.

"You know, I thought about what you said," she said, still keeping her voice low. "And I realized that you were right when I saw you there, facing them."

I considered this. "How so?" I asked. I was right. My voice broke.

She ignored it. "You're not just a tool to me, Jasper. I don't think I realized that until tonight. I know Lucy told you about the concept of mates. I don't really think we should be that, but maybe companions. If a vampire doesn't find a mate, they either find companions, or make them. So, I guess, in simpler terms… friends."

I raised my eyebrows. "Friends?" I asked, and the word sounded a tiny bit condescending.

"Yeah," she said shyly, and this was one of the first times I saw her "tough" mask begin to fall.

I shrugged. "Sure," I said simply, and allowed her to bathe me until the water around me was crimson with the blood from my body.

After some time passed, my reaction to what had happened seemed a little silly. I told myself it was my self-preservation mode in overdrive. After making sure my sanity had completely returned, and allowing Maria to dress me in cleaned clothes, I joined what was left of our army in the sitting room, where most of them promptly ignored me. I kind of figured they wouldn't know what to say to me. _I_ wouldn't know what to say to me.

"You sane again?" was not one of those things I would have said to me. But of course, Peter said it.

I brought my head out of my hands to stare up at him. I was sitting in front of the fire, letting its warmth lick my back. I half huffed a laugh.

"Yeah, I suppose I am," I said, and he took a seat next to me on the stone hearth.

"So how long have you been… with Maria?" he asked me, pretending like he hadn't seen me inches from death earlier that night.

"Oh, year and a half, give or take," I said, watching some of the other soldiers play fighting. "How 'bout you?"

"Couple months," he said.

I cringed. I wondered if "couple months" meant he was nearing a year. Maria had started to personally "dispatch" those who'd outgrown their usefulness and hadn't died in combat yet. And she'd discussed the prospect with me a while back, and I hadn't really liked the idea of personally killing my own soldiers. But, of course, she had started to convince me that they were just pawns.

"I watched you fighting out there," Peter said, pulling me back to reality. "Before that group got to you, that is. You were like lightning, even to my eyes."

I scoffed. "Thanks. I've, uh… had practice. I kind of know how newborns think… how they feel. They're a bit stupid. No offense," I said, but still didn't turn to look at him.

"None taken," he replied. "Lucy told me about your ability. You really make people feel however you want them to?"

I decided to give him a crash course instead of answering. I worked up my own bit of anger before loading it off on him. He straightened, his face confused. Then he looked back at me.

"Whoa. You really do," he said, and I grinned.

"So," I began anew, changing the subject. "You seem far more rational than any of the other newborns I've met. S'there a reason for that?"

"Not sure," he replied, his eyes trailing to the pair of dueling newborns that I had been watching. "I don't really enjoy the fighting. I'm good at it. But I don't enjoy it. I suppose that helps me see things objectively."

I considered this. I could see how that would help. If you hate the fighting, you're far more willing to avoid it. And when aversion isn't possible, you'd probably want it to be over quickly. We sat in silence for a moment, listening to the crackling fire and wrestling of the newborns.

"If you don't enjoy the fighting, why did you decide to stay with us?" I asked. None of the newborns in our army were forced to be here, they just didn't know any better. I figured I could leave whenever I wanted, but to what end? So I could just start my own army and take Maria's land from her? No, this was my life. This was all I knew.

"What else is there? Go off and join some other army, and maybe end up having to fight you? Fight her? Nah. I figure this is as good as it gets. Plus I'd rather bet on the winning team, if you know what I mean," he said, nudging me in the ribs.

I half laughed. He had a point. Maria's army was far more powerful than most other armies. Not just in number, but in brute strength.

"I want to thank you again," I told him, without looking him in the eyes. "Most of the newborns I've worked with wouldn't have spared me a second glance."

He smiled that same amiable smile. "And I say again," he said, standing from the stone hearth. "Not a problem."

He patted me lightly on the shoulder, and walked away to converse with some of the others.


	9. Chapter 9: Mutiny

**Chapter 9**

**Mutiny**

I truly appreciated having someone besides Maria to converse with. Contrary to popular belief, women are not so easy to deal with twenty-four seven. Hard to believe, I know.

Peter and I became quite good friends. He even took private lessons with me, if that's what you'd call them, to improve his fighting skills. He was an amazing fighter, as he said, but he had the typical flaws of a newborn. So I taught him my tricks; avoid them a lot. It confuses them. Then you can catch them off guard with a back or side attack.

He appreciated my council, and in return, provided me an escape from the everyday, anger-infested atmosphere of our army. He became my gopher, in a way. He even flanked me in battle, always an arm's length away to my right. Maria was glad I'd found someone to share my experiences with. She wasn't thick; she knew I didn't talk to her about everything. Years passed, and to my amazement, Peter survived.

My bond with Maria had strengthened again after the battle for Monterrey. She realized how badly she needed me, and I accepted that. We worked together peacefully when we traveled back to Houston and Galveston. The battles were still intense; those nine that had escaped us at Monterrey had made quite an army for themselves. They had taken Fort Worth and Dallas, as we expected, but the fighting quieted when they learned that they were _not_ going to take Houston, Galveston, and Monterrey from us. They were content with keeping northern Texas, and letting us keep the southern territories. There was still fighting, of course, but mostly feuding and border disputes. We never expected the next threat to plague us would be one of our own.

It was actually during the day that this one struck. We were all cramped up in the house. Since the fighting had slowed, we didn't do much planning anymore. We knew where our territory borders were, and that was that. Maria was still greedy for more, but for now, she was content with what we had. So, the days were now used for other things.

Yes, sometimes _that_, but most of the time training. Maria's forces were expected to be the absolute best, and it hardly made sense to me. She disposed of them once their incredible strength expired after a year, so I didn't see the point in training them. Besides a waste of my time. Yet then again, what else was I going to do?

Maria was with Nettie and Lucy in one of the bedrooms, talking about God knows what. And maybe he didn't even want to know. I know, I have a sick sense of humor.

I was with Peter and the rest of the soldiers in the living room. We'd all actually been feeling extremely comfortable lately, minus me. I wasn't sure why, but I had been feeling strange emotions from Lucy and Nettie. Perhaps they were getting tired of this and wanted to leave. More power to them. If I weren't scared stiff by the prospect of walking away, I probably would have done it already. Maybe. Possibly.

A few of the soldiers were playing a mutant form of poker after which the loser had to take a bite from one of the others. I enjoyed watching; it toughened them up a bit. However, Peter was dancing on the balls of his feet, rolling his fists around at me, muttering some gibberish about "defeating the master." It was rather distracting.

"Come on," he was saying, mock punching my jaw. "Bet I could take you."

I sighed, rolling my shoulders, but I still didn't stand. I knew who would win, and I didn't want to hurt him.

"Seriously," he said again, this time punching my arm rather hard. "You taught me your tricks. Let's see if you've lost your touch.

Some of the newborns looked away from their game to watch intently as Peter tried to taunt me into a play fight. I looked at the table where the newborns were sitting, only to see the one who wasn't looking at me, a female named Carolina, stuffing an Ace into her sleeve.

"Carolina is cheating," I said, and grinned at her disappointed face as she pulled the card out. Peter turned to look and see what she'd done.

A perfectly executed plan. Except I hadn't planned on Carolina cheating; she'd done that of her own accord. I lunged off of my usual seat on the hearth and tackled Peter to the ground.

He half yelped, half screamed in surprise. I couldn't help but laugh at his exasperated face. But he recovered quickly, just as I'd taught him. We didn't try to bite each other, afraid that we might accidentally do it. We merely tried to pin the other. Usually, our fights were over if either of our teeth touched the neck of the other. That meant that in a real fight, you'd already be dead.

We tousled a bit, trying to gain an advantage over the other. He was now a few years old, so our strength was pretty well matched. We tried to grab each other's wrists to pin them, and the exchange looked more like bickering five-year old girls. Several of the newborns laughed.

We knocked over pretty much everything in our path; the leather sofa, a small table… one of the newborns. Neither of us could gain any advantage.

"Perhaps the master's lost his touch, eh?" Peter laughed as he began to back up to a wall.

I began to back off with my offense slightly, letting him slam my back to the wall. He was grinning, like he thought he'd won.

"One thing about teachers," I said as he kept me pinned by the collar of my shirt. "They wouldn't be the master if they didn't always keep a couple tricks to themselves."

Before he could even start to be confused, I wrapped a leg around the back of his knees, yanking them forward. He staggered, and it was my chance. I put both hands around his neck, and kicked away from the wall with unbreakable strength. He fell backwards, and I used my momentum to drive him to the ground. The impact shattered the wood flooring beneath him. He remained slightly shocked for a second, and I pinned his arms down, my teeth at his neck.

"I win," I whispered, and he huffed in disappointment.

I slowly stood, holding out a hand to help him to his feet. He smiled and took it, staggering to his feet.

I distinctly remember being flooded with dangerous emotions at that point. Malice, jealousy, things of that nature. The toothy smile coming from Peter told me it wasn't him. The other newborns had returned to their poker game again, and unless Carolina was cheating again, they shouldn't be feeling that way.

Apparently seeing my troubled face, Peter's grin disappeared, and he asked, "What is it? What's wrong?"

That's when I knew.

"Maria!" I yelled, and right as the realization hit me, so did the sounds of an all-out brawl. Peter and I shared a glance so quickly that it wouldn't have been seen by anyone else. We bolted up the stairs, our powerful legs actually cracking the wood.

I tore down the door where I had known Maria was. The wood splintered into thousands of tiny particles, raining down on Peter and me. The image that I saw tore me into pieces.

It was Maria, backed into a corner, her neck in Nettie's jaw, while Lucy had Maria's right forearm. I knew what they were planning. If they killed Maria, all her territories and armies would belong to them. The thought terrified me. Nettie and Lucy were far more hostile; to the point that they weren't the least bit worried about the Volturi.

I launched forward, tackling Nettie sideways; she seemed like a bigger threat to Maria at the time. Peter went for Lucy as I threw Nettie backwards. I didn't immediately attack though.

"Don't do this, Nettie," I warned her, the hint of a threat in my voice.

She snarled back at me. "Oh, you always were Maria's little lap dog," Nettie hissed, showing her teeth. She kept sidestepping, trying to find a lapse in my defensive stance in front of Maria. But every time Nettie moved, I moved; our steps seemed like a dance, the way were were perfectly attuned.

"Oh all right then," she hissed again. "I didn't want to, but I guess I'll have to kill you first."

She jumped forward, and I jumped to meet her. I could tell she was going for my neck; a newborn's move. She had watched me train them so many times that I had a hard time believing that she would make such a mistake. I hardly dipped to the right, so that my body was still between her and Maria but my neck out of her range. Or so I thought.

As I was slightly bowed to the right, evading her attack, she arched her head and snapped at my chest. Her powerful jaw clamped onto my left collarbone, snapping it in several places. I yelped in agony, but I used the force of her lunge to my own advantage.

I feigned falling backwards so she would let go, and once I was on the ground, I wrenched my leg under hers, causing her to hit the ground again. I felt my collarbone snap back into place as I leapt through the air to pin her to the ground.

"Last chance, Nettie. What'll it be, life or death?" I asked, my harsh voice even frightening me.

"Oh, let me see here. A mundane life of servitude, or a painful death inflicted by my master's guard dog," she feigned thinking. "I'll take option C."

She grabbed my shoulders then, kicked against me, and threw me up over her head. I slid across the wood floor, cursing it for being so slick. I slammed against the bed, causing it to crunch and snap into a heap against the wall. I decided that this had to end. Now.

My heart panged for the woman I had lived with for so many years right before I launched through the air at her. Her blonde hair whipped about her beautiful face like there was wind about her. Her teeth were bared like a rabid dog, but she never expected my next move. It was something I had considered doing for a while but hadn't tested.

I planted my knees on her shoulders, and threw my weight to the right in a spin. I heard her neck snap right before it tore from her body. The shrieking scream she let out was cut off as her body collapsed to the floor beneath me. I looked to see Maria holding Lucy's arms behind her back, and Peter approaching from the front.

He hissed as he beheaded her too, and everything was silent. Nettie's dying scream rang through my ears like a cannon had just gone off right next to me. I noticed several of the newborns standing at the door, stunned. I panted as I turned to them.

My face was set in a scowl as my two recent companions' dying emotions coursed through me. They had been so angry… and then so scared.

I looked to Peter and Maria before turning to the newborns. "Burn the bodies."


	10. Chapter 10: Lost

_*Again, sorry for the short chapter. They will get longer.*_

**Chapter 10**

**Lost**

Maria deeply appreciated my aid in her fight with Nettie and Lucy. She truly hadn't expected it, and had I arrived even seconds later, she would have been receiving a serious demotion. I didn't mind. Our relationship was strange, yes, but we were naturally always there to protect each other.

But of course, within a few months, Maria started to push her luck again. Not just with her enemies, but with me. And she dragged Peter into the gloom with me. She was growing tired of having to "dispose" of the yearlings herself, so she put Peter and me in charge of that. It didn't bother me at first. I actually looked at it as a way to blow off steam. Peter didn't quite feel the same.

The first time I did it, it was a rush. It was different from killing enemies because our soldiers never expected it. In that regard, I didn't have to feel their fear for long. So it became an ambition. I kept track of exactly when the newborns would reach their year mark, and I would dispose of them to the day of when they were first changed.

The plantation we'd been inhabiting had a small basement, mostly used for storing wine and other trinkets. It was cold, dark, and gloomy. Perfect. I had Peter send them down one by one. I made a small fire in the corner, and the newborns always thought it was just for lighting purposes. I remember always having a witty remark for them. And they never saw it coming until it was too late. Sometimes a few of them would be prepared, but that usually didn't help them. A very few got a bite or a hit in beforehand, but not much.

It always went something like me rolling up my sleeves as the new victim walked in. I would be ever so convincing with my facial expression, and if they suspected something I would calm them into a paralyzed state. I would slowly walk up to them, and acquire a devilish tone as I said something like "Maria sends her highest regards for your year of loyal service." And _bing_, that was it. If they even saw me move, their eyes barely had time to go wide before their world went black. And as Maria's armies started to grow again, so did the number of killings. So I had help. Maria assigned Peter to actually help me. He didn't enjoy turning on vampires that trusted us, but he was very good at following orders. He killed them, but I could tell it was like battle for him; tolerable, but uncomfortable.

It was a rainy September night when my world really started to fall to pieces. Peter and I were in the basement, "cleansing" the army. From the get go, he seemed anxious… nervous even. I didn't inquire as to why; I simply figured he was averse to another night of killing.

We were about halfway through when Peter's anxiety peaked. He would try to convince me that a few of them had potential. He compared them to himself, who was still miraculously alive after three years; and still useful. But I always said no. Maria's order was "kill them all." And when Maria told us to do something, we did it. No exceptions. I considered sending Peter away and finishing up by myself. His powerful negative emotions were distracting me, and that was something I couldn't have happen.

Just as I was about to do just that, the next vampire walked in; a female. Despite the fact that her eyes were shifting nervously, she was very stunning. She wore a simple white frock, her wavy fire-red hair falling in ripples down her slender back. She had her arms crossed over her chest, almost holding herself. I sighed. Women were always harder for me to kill.

Peter stepped forward, his body practically shaking. I could feel his terrible anxiety, and I furrowed my eyebrows at him. He confused me. He never acted this way. He furrowed his brows in return, almost seeming apologetic, then he turned like lightning to face the woman.

"Run, Charlotte!" he practically screamed, and she didn't wait for him to finish his statement. She flew up the stairs of the basement so fast that she crashed right through the wood door at the top. Peter dashed after her, moving like the wind. The spraying of the shards of the door sprinkled to the floor of the basement like ice petals.

I simply watched. Were I human, I would have been thoroughly confused. But I knew exactly what was happening. I could feel it in both their emotional ties. They were mates; kept furtive by God knows what force.

I watched as Peter's shadow of a figure vanished. I sighed, averse to pursuing him. What would I do if I caught them? Kill him? No, I couldn't do that. So I prepared myself for the loss of what I considered as my only friend as I heard the dazed exclamations of the other vampires upstairs.

"Farewell my friend," I said under my breath as I turned to face the fire, where the most recent body still burned.

I heard Maria enter, heard her descend the stairs, but I didn't turn. My insides were burning like the fire I stared at. Peter had this woman Charlotte, Maria had her armies and territories, and what did I have? Confusion and isolation fueled by naivety.

"What the hell was that?" Maria asked, her voice and emotional atmosphere very harsh.

"What did it look like? Peter and his _lover_," I said the word with forced distaste, "off for a nice escapade of their undying devotion."

I could hear the disdain dripping from my words.

"Why did you stop them?" she asked, stepping nearer to my back.

"By stop, you mean _kill._ I could no sooner kill him than kill you," I said, my voice breaking in its weakness.

She was silent for a moment.

"Besides," I said, absently running a finger over one of my many scars. "They won't pose a threat."

"And you know this, how?" she said, her anger still quite palpable.

I didn't feel like explaining myself to her. I wheeled on her. "They got away. Can't say I'm sorry. If you want to punish me, punish me. If not, get the hell out and let me finish my work here. I still have several newborns to mercilessly execute."

She stared back at me, her anger filtering into every pore of my body like a sponge. She huffed a sigh, whirled in a show of her scarlet dress, and stormed upstairs. The next victim walked in, completely unaware. I took my anger out on him. And it would torture me later on.


	11. Chapter 11: Truth in Misery

_*Well, this is it folks. Up til now, they were all written. But this is the one I last finished, so now it might take me a while longer to update since I will actually be writing them. But no worries, I write fast.* _

**Chapter 11**

**Truth in Misery**

I refused to accept that Peter was really gone. He was the only civilized life form I had encountered in my time as a vampire, and I hated the thought that I would now be surrounded by nonstop hatred and rage. But that is exactly what happened. With Peter out of the picture, taking with him the constant flow of positive emotion, the negativity all around me struck me down.

It was crippling; the pessimistic outlook everyone around me was exerting. I hadn't realized its extent until now. And the killing, that's what really hit home. I supposed I was always concentrating on Peter's emotions when I killed the newborns, so now I felt nothing but their fear and sheer feelings of betrayal when they knew what was going to happen to them. I started to become clumsy; several of them got a few good bites in. I couldn't understand why everyone around me was so angry yet so content. They never questioned their existence. They just followed blindly. Blind; under Maria's convincing little blindfold. It was the same blindfold I had allowed her to shield me with over the years.

Now, with it gone, I was lost. I felt even more blind than before; wandering aimlessly in a well-lit room with people all around me. They were there, but none of them saw me. I suppose you could call this a mid-life crisis for me. But… did I have a mid-life, since there was no end in sight for this life? So I guess it was just life crisis. I could barely handle it. After a year without Peter, I was going mad. He had been an anchor for me. He had kept me grounded, and now I was being blown every which way. Yes, I realize I'm overloading you on metaphors. But that's how I really felt.

I dreaded the end of the year. I went into a miserable frenzy every time it was time to cleanse the army again. Every single murdered newborn's emotions stuck to me for days. So multiply that by how many newborns I'd be killing, which averaged ten, and you get my drift. By the end of the cleansing, I was practically staggering around, drunk on the terrible sensations of the dead newborns. And I don't mean the good kind of drunk. I mean the puke-your-brains-out, hold-your-temples-because-your-face-might-split-in-half-any-second kind of drunk.

After two years without Peter, I _was_ mad. And by mad I mean crazy, not arrg. I would start to hyperventilate every time I had to cleanse the army. Maria was mystified. She couldn't understand what I was going through, but then again, she _couldn't_, could she? She didn't feel the dying emotions of every vampire and human around her. I could even feel the emotions of _animals,_ for God's sake. The very sight of me terrified them, and it didn't help my hysteria either. I considered telling Maria that I couldn't handle it any more. I even confronted her once.

She would just become upset, rant on me about being weak, and somehow convince me to continue. She was difficult to argue with. It was either her way or no way. I wasn't sure what "no way" was, but I didn't really want to find out.

After three years, I was crazy _and_ depressed. I started to have waking dreams. I would be participating in regular activities when the faces of the newborns I killed would hit me; on the back of my eyelids, as if I were watching their dying moments all over again. Their emotions would hit me again, and I would hardly be able to shake them. My actions confused Maria more and more by the day.

By the end of four years, I was starting to experience small types of paralysis from the images and depression. They were so strong that my body would stop responding to me and freeze up. Sometimes I would actually have to lie down to avoid collapsing into a pathetic heap on the ground. Which, as you've probably figured, is very strange for a vampire. That ground, by the way, was now a smaller plantation-type home in Houston. We'd had to vacate the one in Monterrey when it was put up for sale to the humans.

During the following year, I became hypersensitive to emotion. That's why I felt it when Maria's emotional atmosphere shifted. For four years, she'd been confused by my depression. Now, she was angry. Malicious, actually. Slightly reminiscent of the way Nettie and Lucy had seemed before they turned on us. The thought terrified me. Would she really kill me? After all we'd been through. It was the only thing on my mind for the longest time. I went through horrific scenarios in my mind of how she would do it.

Would I be capable of defending myself if she did? She was the sun my world revolved around (so to speak). I couldn't kill her. And the fact the she could kill _me_ tortured me. I would never think of hurting her, and here she was, plotting to do the same to me. I was out in the yard, which was where I did my regular cleansings now, pondering this as I killed more of the newborns. I tried to keep my thoughts away from the killing, but I could no easier tear apart the two strongest magnets in the world. Actually, I might be able to do that, but that's because my muscles are stronger than my will. Well… they were then.

I had just finished killing one of the newborns, and was piling the pieces into a fire, when I sensed a familiar emotional environment. I couldn't place it, but I knew I recognized it. I tried to ignore it as I threw an arm into the flames, leaning away from the ashes that jumped out at me. But the sensation only got stronger, until it was accompanied by a familiar scent. Like… musk and puppy fur. Strange, I know.

I stared into the nearby trees as I heard a rustling. I readied myself for anything as I listened to the sound of approaching footfalls. I showed my teeth in a growl, just for impression. But my defensive position was shattered when the figure stepped into the dancing glow of the flames.

"Hello, old friend," Peter said gently as he stepped forward, that old smile gracing his so memorable face.

"You look like hell," he said when I simply stared back at him, utterly speechless.

He stayed where he was in the tree line, I'm sure because he didn't know how I would react. _I _didn't know how I would react yet. I was too stunned to move.

He sighed. "I've discovered a paradise, Jasper," he said gently, taking a step toward me.

I didn't move, but my daze slowly wore off. I didn't know what to do yet, so I decided to just listen to him. "Go on," I said, and my voice was surprisingly threatening. He didn't seem fazed.

"Charlotte and I… we didn't know where to go after we left… what to do. We just wandered north for the longest time. I don't know how long we wandered, but we ended up in Missouri and…" he paused, his eyes lighting up.

I simply stared at him, still just listening. I knew that deep inside me, I silently blamed him for my five years of suffering, and I was suppressing the urge to take vengeance.

"You don't have to live like this, Jazz," he whispered, and the nickname threw me a bit. He seemed awed by something, but I couldn't place what.

"What do you mean?" I asked, and my threatening tone was decreased by my curiosity.

"We encountered others up there. And they didn't want to fight. There were no armies, there was no killing. They lived _peacefully_, Jasper. They're just nomads. They feed when they want, they're careful not to attract the Volturi, and they own no territory. When we ran into our first bunch, we were ready for a fight, and that actually _surprised_ them! They just started talking with us, asking us about ourselves. They were so peaceful. I couldn't have ever imagined such a life, Jasper! But it exists, it really does," he finished, and I noticed he was holding out a hand, as if trying my make me follow.

I sighed, trying to process what he'd just told me. I sat on a log I had half chopped for the fire, and he took a seat beside me, still studying my face. He didn't seem to think I might attack anymore.

"So why have you returned?" I asked, guarded.

"For you, Jasper. I _saw_ how you despised this life; _saw_ how you despised the fighting. You can walk away. You can be content," he offered, now resting a hand on my shoulder.

I thought about it. Could it really be true? Was he just bating me? Did he have an army of his own and he was just trying to get me to join?

I looked at him then, trying to judge his facial expression. He was completely content, and his emotions didn't betray him. So this was true… but did I actually have the strength to walk away? I considered my options.

If I stayed, I would face this constant depression, this torturous life. I would be surrounded by hate, surrounded by rage. I would return to those malicious emotions I was feeling from Maria, and the possibility of having to kill her flooded my mind again. If I left, I would live peacefully with Peter and Charlotte, away from the dejection.

To say it lightly, my mind was made in under a minute. Maria would miss me, but I was sure she would replace me easily. She was a con artist like that. I needed more. So I stood, the motion slightly frightening Peter.

"Let's go, then," I said, smiling. Peter sighed in relief, and his smile was so bright that I actually felt a twinge of his happiness.

We walked together toward the tree line, but I paused. I didn't turn back to the house as I murmured, "This was over before it even began."

Something in me told me she was watching. Something told me she had heard.


	12. Chapter 12: Liberation

_*Sorry the chapters are moving kind of quickly, but there really was no way to go through this part slowly without it becoming boring. So just hold on to your hats!*_

**Chapter 12**

**Liberation**

For some reason, the depression was still following me. I supposed it would start to wane the farther I got from Maria, so I was anxious to cover the distance.

"Where is Charlotte, anyway?" I asked as we walked.

"She's still in Missouri. I…" he trailed off, looking for words.

"You didn't know how I would react, and you didn't want her to get hurt?" I finished for him.

He looked at me, half thankful that I understood, half surprised. I shrugged. I kept tossing looks over my shoulder, somewhat expecting Maria to come up on us at any moment to kill me. Apparently Peter saw this.

"You know I've discovered a great way to ease tension," he said, and I looked back at him questioningly.

"_Run_," he said, and took off.

I didn't wait, just followed. He was right. Running helped. It made me realize that I was putting so many problems behind me. By the minute, I was putting miles between me and that afflicted life. Miles between me and the killing. Miles between me and Maria.

I smiled for the first time in nearly six years as I bolted over grassy plains, rocketed over jagged rocky cliffs. I knew Peter was behind me, laughing at my enthusiasm. We ran until the sun began to rise. We were just inside Arkansas, when Peter decided we needed to get into the shade. There weren't any humans near, but we weren't taking any chances. I was still very adamant about my avoidance of the sun. Come to think of it, I'd never seen my own skin in the sunlight.

We found a forest a few miles from civilization and stopped for the day. I was still ecstatic about not having to destroy Maria, but suddenly my hunger was unbearable. I realized I hadn't fed in over a week and a half. I'd gone longer, but it never ended well. I shared this with Peter, and he felt the same. He had traveled to find me, and hadn't stopped once to feed. That fact stunned me beyond belief.

The nearest town was a city called Magnolia. We trailed the outskirts, and only took one human each. We wanted to cause as little disruption as possible, and it still confused me. I was always tense, always waiting for an ambush. I was always on guard, always searching my surroundings for enemies. Peter tried to convince me that that part of my life was over, but it didn't sink in. I couldn't let go of the life I'd known for a little under a century.

That night, we ran just as fast, and ended up inside Missouri by daybreak. Our speed surprised me. I'd never run so far and so fast in my… life. I'd never needed to. All I had ever needed had always been within state limits, if not just outside them. Peter said that him and Charlotte had been staying on the outskirts of Jefferson city, and we were in Springfield when we stopped; approximately 120 miles northeast. Peter suggested that we continue traveling through the day, just keep to the shadows.

The proposal astonished me. Never in my time had I traveled during the day. We always hid indoors. No matter what. I just stared in disbelief.

"It'll be fine," Peter said, brushing my worry aside like fallen leaves. "It's kind of overcast too, so we'll be fine."

I still stared at him. His smile vanished.

"She really brainwashed you, didn't she?" he said, studying my face. I didn't respond. I knew he was right, but I wouldn't admit out loud that I had let her get in my head.

Needless to say, we traveled during the day. I felt anxious the entire time. Peter seemed mostly at ease, and it confused me greatly. Was I really headed for such an easygoing existence? This seemed too good to be true.

Within the hour, we reached Jefferson City, where Peter led me to a ranch style home. Charlotte stood on the front porch, garbed in unfamiliar clothing, looking (and feeling) relieved. She sheepishly waved at the two of us. Her skin glittered brightly, and I had to squint my eyes as I looked at her scarlet-surrounded face.

I tentatively stepped out of the trees, the sun bouncing off of my skin like a rock across water's surface. I studied my own flesh; pale but brilliant. The site still irritated me in the tiniest way.

"Hello," Charlotte said, and her voice sounded like birdsong.

The dress she was wearing was very different from those that Maria constantly wore. Whereas Maria's had always been large, billowing dresses, Charlotte's was slim and fitting. It really emphasized exactly how perfectly flawless her body was. I silently chastised myself for looking at her that way. I know that sounds strange to you, but keep in mine the times I was raised in. My upbringing somehow remained when all my other human characteristics had been destroyed over the years.

As Peter and I approached, she flung herself off of the porch and into Peter's waiting arms. They didn't kiss, but the embrace made up for that. It was oddly very intimate in its simplicity. She stared at him before turning to face me. Her face hardened and I quickly followed why.

Her eyes were initially on my face, but they now trailed my neck, where I remembered there were several scars. Then her eyes found the ones on my arms, and her face and emotions turned to that of pity. I crossed my arms, feeling suddenly insecure. Apparently she noticed.

"Excuse my stare," she said, pulling her eyes to the ground.

"It's quite alright," I replied, looking down at the scars myself. They weren't quite as noticeable in the sun since the glowing overpowered them, but they could still be seen. "I deserve the harsh looks."

She looked apologetic. "No, no you don't. You were following her orders, just like we did. We were all blind."

I shrugged, blowing off the suggestion. I didn't like being reminded that I had followed her so blindly.

Charlotte lead both of us into the house, where I was introduced to several new objects I had never seen before. One of which was a vacuum cleaner. Charlotte had to explain it to me several times before I understood how it worked. And even then I just smiled and nodded so I wouldn't seem like an idiot. I had been so removed from the human society for so long that I hadn't kept up with their technology. And apparently their fashion, as Charlotte so delicately put it. Yes, I am being sarcastic.

In the months that followed, I was introduced to a completely new style of living. I fed when I needed to, and every other moment was my own. I could do whatever I wanted (mostly). I obviously couldn't do anything that would provoke the Volturi. I could be out in the sunlight if I wanted to, as long as no humans were around; though I rarely did since my insecurity about sunlight was so deeply embedded. I should have been happy beyond belief.

Should have. Wasn't. I didn't understand why, but the depression had never faded. I had thought that surely it would die when I left Maria. But it hadn't. Yes, it had lessened, but it still took a toll on me. It wasn't noticeable to the other two for a little while. But I couldn't hide it for long.


	13. Chapter 13: Starvation

Chapter 13

**Starvation**

I just couldn't figure out where this depression was coming from. The only emotions I was getting were Peter and Charlotte's, and they were far from negative. So why did I continue to feel this way? It was flat out confusing. I began to think a lot, just about my… life in general. It was hard to call it a life at that point. I could hardly believe it had really been almost fifty-five years since I'd been changed. Not like it flew by or anything, but it still didn't feel real. I would have never thought myself capable of the violence I had thrived off of for those years.

Peter noticed my silence, but mostly let me be. He knew I needed space; I needed time to put my life back in order. Everything I'd known had been shattered within the week, and I was completely and utterly lost in a world that had grown up without me. Human technology was revolutionizing in ways I never thought possible, and vampires were coexisting harmoniously here. I began to think perhaps vampires _could_ dream, for there was no way this was real.

But it _was_ real, and I could hardly cope. Not just with new living, but with the depression. It was constantly growing worse. Have you ever been so tired that you walk or drive somewhere without hardly realizing you have? That's how I was acting. I would go out at night to feed, and when the sun rose that morning, I would feel like it had been someone else I was watching, and not actually me. It frightened me a little; I didn't know what I was capable of when I wasn't aware of my surroundings.

So I began to wander… aimlessly, really. And I ended up somewhere in that huge forest, lost and dazed. I could have easily found my way back to the house through scent, but what was the point? My life was just as monotonous as it had been with Maria, only safer. So I collapsed against a giant fur tree, buried my head in my hands, and closed my eyes.

We cant sleep, that's true. But I was becoming very good at displacing myself. I could close my eyes and pretend I wasn't really there. It was like a waking dream, and it helped me cope, if only a little, with the depression. I don't know how long I sat there, but I was aware of several nightfalls before I was shaken from my reverie.

It was Charlotte. She stepped out of the dusk darkness and approached me slowly. I looked up at her, and her reaction to seeing my face told me I looked like hell.

"Oh Jesus, Jasper," she cried, and knelt next to me, combing her delicate fingers through my tangled hair. It was a very odd thing for Charlotte to use the lord's name, for she didn't believe he even existed. That meant I _really_ looked like hell.

"You've been out here for nearly a week," she whispered, still combing my hair. I dropped my head back into by knees, sighing and shifting away from her. "What's wrong?" she asked sweetly, forcing me to look back at her with a gentle finger.

"I don't know," I confessed, yanking my head away from her touch. I knew it was rude, but my decrepit mental state was crippling my manners. "I just feel like death all the time, and I can't figure out why."

She stared at me for a while, until I realized Peter had walked into our little clearing. He cursed when he saw me. Well how bad could I be? This was getting a little ridiculous.

"You need to feed, Jasper," he said, sounding a little scolding. "Now."

My subconscious cringed at the thought. Of course consciously, I had no aversion to the proposal. I would figure it out soon enough.

Peter stepped forward and held a hand out to me. I hesitated before letting his faultless grip yank me to my feet. I actually staggered, and he had to hold me to keep me from falling. I hadn't felt this weak since I was mauled at the fight for Monterrey. My legs shook slightly and my vision felt flawed.

"How long has it been since you fed last?" Peter asked as Charlotte stepped back, still making sure Peter was supporting me. I thought about it, and could barely recall. "Five weeks?" I said, and Peter cursed again.

Just for the record, going two or three weeks is normal for us. Peter lead me for the longest time, and I barely paid any attention to where he was taking me. I just knew how weak I was; I even fell once. I zoned out until the scent of humans hit me. I tried to focus on the alleyway Peter was leading me into. Had he lead me into the city? I didn't care enough to check.

I did, however, start caring when a human girl walked down the alley. I stared up at her from my vantage point leaning against a building wall. She approached Peter and me, her face awed at our beauty.

"Is he okay?" she asked sincerely, and I hated the fact that she cared so much about me, and I was going to kill her.

"He will be," Peter replied, staring at me.

I pushed off of the wall, my flimsy limbs still fragile. I stepped toward her, reaching toward her face. She seemed surprised, but didn't step away. I silently wished she would. I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck and pulled her close.

When my teeth broke her skin, her emotions crippled me. The absolutely undeniable fear was like tiny chainsaws in my veins, tearing every available organ and muscle. Her regret followed, and she tried her hardest to push me away. I hated myself. I was living her death.

Once I had drained her veins, I gently set her on the ground, only then realizing that I was muttering nonstop "I'm sorry."

I could hear Peter's worried voice speaking, but all I could hear was a ringing in my ears. I realized it was my own anger and sadness taking a physical effect on me. She had wanted to know if I was _okay._ Her mother would be wondering the same thing about her. Maybe her siblings, if she had any. A fiancé? That last thought made me collapse to the cold concrete beneath me.

I felt Peter's reassuring hands on me at once, trying to help me up. I shoved them away violently.

"Please, just leave me," I begged, and realized that I was hyperventilating. Obviously, I don't need to breathe, but it was my body's natural reaction.

His surprise filled me, just adding to the bedlam of other emotions coursing through me. But he didn't move. He watched me for a second, then knelt next to me, speaking swiftly and softly.

"I will _not_ leave you here, and not just because I care about you. It's because I know you'll just lie there until the sun comes up, and then we'll have a real problem on our hands. Now come one. Come home. You can curl up and suffer all you want at home," he said, and it didn't sound condescending. It sounded like he wanted me somewhere where he could keep an eye on me. I would have cherished the sentiment if I wasn't being swallowed whole by the grief monster.

He held out his hand again, and I just looked at it. He sighed, and grabbed my hand, dragging me to my feet. I hardly remember staggering with him like a drunk all the way back to the house. I barely remember him setting me on the couch in the sitting room, and me curling in on myself like a dying animal. I barely registered his and Charlotte's worried voices murmuring like they were under water. I was just trying to pull myself together. I was far past splitting at the seams; I was just trying to sew myself up before I spontaneously combusted.

It took me at least a day to get a hold of myself. I felt physically sick with the depression. My body ached as I sat up on the couch, staring at two very concerned faces.

"I guess I have some explaining to do," I said, and my voice was harsh.

Peter barely missed a beat. "No you don't. I think I understand it now," he said, his arm around Charlotte's shoulder. She was leaning against him, her head resting against his collarbone.

I peered around. Sunlight was pouring in the windows, cascading over the hardwood floor. I was still not used to the light.

"I think you've become…" Peter paused, searching for words, "like _this_ because of the emotions of your victims. I saw it when you fed. I don't know if you realize, but you apologized to that girl until her dying breath."

I stared back at him. It all made sense; I felt stupid for not realizing before. I was depressed because I was reliving death every time I fed. The fear, the regret, and then the pain. It was all mine every time I took a life. How could I have not noticed? But now the question was… what now? Was I just supposed to _not_ feed? Could I die from that? Right now I didn't care.

Peter and Charlotte looked after me for a few days, until they saw that I was back to my normal depressed state instead of my manic depressed state. I know, not much better. It was when they went out to hunt one night that I made up my mind. I didn't find any reasoning behind my decision, but I just had to do it. I was drowning, and I had to find dry land. Soon.

I went and threw on some of the clothes in one of the bedrooms, then went to a mirror to actually try to fix myself up. I only then realized exactly how hellish I looked. I tried to comb a hand through my mane of blonde locks, to no avail. I gave up and headed to the front door. I grabbed a long-sleeved, high-necked coat from a hanger and opened the front door. I peered around the home that had set me free before turning and walking aimlessly into oblivion.


	14. Chapter 14: The First Time in A Century

_It only takes a moment_

_For your eyes to meet and then_

_Your heart knows in a moment_

_That you'll never be alone again._

~"It Only Takes a Moment", Hello Dolly

**Chapter 14**

**The First Time in A Century**

I don't know how long I ventured through states, over state borders, through days, weeks, and months. I starved myself for as long as possible before caving and feeding. It always tortured me afterward, but what choice did I have? This was the only way to live… or so I thought at the time. It's hard to admit this to you, mostly because it's hard to admit it to myself, but I really began to ponder ways to kill myself. I knew a fall from any height wouldn't kill me, so I started to think creatively. There were a few ways I thought of, and both of them terrified me.

The first was going on a frenzied rampage and let the Volturi take me out. But I was afraid. I didn't know how they would do it; if they would be at all merciful. The other option was to burn myself alive; lock myself somewhere where I couldn't escape(that in itself proved troublesome, since I could muscle my way out of any situation), and set the fire. I knew it would hurt, but I was starting to think the sleeping abyss would be better than the waking.

It was an overcast day in 1931 when I walked into a rain-drenched Philadelphia. I could smell them all around me- humans. Completely unaware that a monster was walking into their city. I tried to steer as far from them as possible to keep myself from the temptation. The new fashions that had erupted after the 20s stared at me from many shop windows, and I couldn't help but wonder how utterly out of place I must look. I could see my reflection in the glass, and my eyes were black as pitch. I could smell the scents of food cooking in the human restaurants, and I tried to ignore those too. While they would have been tantalizing in my human life, they were actually quite repulsive to me now, and all they did was make me aware of my very real vampire hunger.

I strolled down the sloppy street before me, pulling the collar of my coat up high on my neck. I knew humans wouldn't be able to see the scars as well as vampires could, but I was still self-conscious of them. I could see the light fighting against the clouds, and I began to get nervous about it winning. I was still anxious about being out in the daytime, even if I was sheltered. So, I waged my choices.

I could either keep my distance from the humans and risk the sun coming out to expose me, or torture myself by slipping into one of these shops. I chose the later. I decided to go into a diner so that the smell of their food might drown out the scent of humans. I picked the first one I saw and pushed through the door.

The first thing I noticed was an unbelievably strong scent. Not bad, just strong. I can't even begin to explain how wonderful it was. It was like freshly pressed cotton and pine trees after a rain. My senses came alive at the scent, as if expecting something. I didn't know what yet.

I immediately analyzed the small diner. There was a family of four seated at a booth table to my left, and another two at a table a few feet from me. I could make out the scent of coffee where it had been spilled on the carpet and not properly cleaned. To my right was a bar, where a male bartender looked at me welcomingly. There was one man at the bar nearest to me, and at the far end, a woman that I clearly identified as a vampire.

I was shocked, to say the least. No vampire I knew would torture themselves by sitting in a human restaurant. She was petite, probably no taller than four foot, eleven, but it was hard to tell since she was elegantly perched on a barstool. She wore very strange clothes, even for the times. And her hair was typical of the flappers of the twenties; cropped short and flipped every which direction. There was a glass of water on the bar in front of her, but she hadn't touched it. The dew from the sides bore no fingerprints as it crawled onto the bar in a puddle.

She turned her head, and as soon as she saw me she hopped from the stool and began approaching me. I tensed. I thought perhaps she meant to attack. That was the only explanation my past could offer me. But her stance and emotions told me otherwise. She walked with a confident grace, but not one that was threatening. She was smiling, her moon-white teeth shining brilliantly. And the emotion I felt from her was completely unfamiliar to me. But whatever it was, it was unbearably strong.

She walked right up to me, so close that any human would have considered it an invasion of personal space. She stared me in the eyes, and I noticed how strange her eyes were. I was used to two colors of eyes; red and black. Hers were a radiant honey golden color, and they were intense to a fault. I questioned my sanity at that moment, for there was no way she was a vampire.

"You've kept me waiting a long time," she said. The sound nearly floored me. If I'd thought Maria's voice was beautiful, this woman's was an angel's laugh.

I thought of the only response I could. I channeled what I would have said if I were human. I looked at the ground as I said, "Sorry, ma'am."

It was then that I felt her hand in mine, her skin as perfect as crushed velvet. I didn't cringe away, nor did I even continue speaking. I just stared back at her as she held my hand in her perfect little grasp. The same unfamiliar emotion I'd been feeling from her intensified, and I craved more.

Without making sense of my own actions, I squeezed her hand in a show of acceptance. She smiled, and turned me around to the door. She walked close to me, like too close wasn't close enough. Strangely, I felt the same. For the first time in nearly a century, I had hope.

Let me get one thing straight. In both my lives, human and not, I never believed in love at first sight. I thought it was a silly scenario cooked up by humans to make life seem easier. Within five minutes of being with this person, whose name I still didn't know, everything I had known and believed was shattered.

She led me around streets, down alleys, and into some kind of building. I was too stunned to protest. And to be completely honest, I didn't want to. I hadn't felt such positive emotions since… well, _ever._ I couldn't identify the emotion, but I was feeding on it like blood. I merely concentrated on that single emotion for the longest time, until I realized we were in some kind of run-down factory warehouse. That's when she stopped and turned to me.

"Hello, Jasper," she said, and that actually frightened me. Did she have an ability too? Could she read minds? Yes, I know, that's ironic. "My name is Alice, and from the moment of my changing, I have known we would be together. I can see the future, you see, and I always saw you, bundled up in that ridiculously hideous coat, walking in to find me. And I've spent every night of the last two years ordering a glass of water, which I never drank, and waiting for you."

Great. What was I supposed to say to that? 'Well hello, Alice. I'm Jasper, but you already knew that. I have more baggage than a 747 (which is actually a type of airplane that hadn't been invented yet). I would love to be with you, but you see I'm on a mission to kill myself because I can't seem to get away from this depression. Good day to you.' Yeah, that would have gone over well.

So I resorted to stammering, "Jasper. Jasper Whitlock."

"I know," she said without missing a beat. "I'm going to speak swiftly, so listen closely. I've seen visions of a life you've probably not even thought possible. Every time, I see a family of vampires. Not a coven, although that's technically what they are, but a family. They feed off the blood of animals, and they coexist with humans harmoniously. I've already started to feed on animals, that's why my eyes are yellow. They seem happier than anyone I've ever met, and I want that for us. Every one of my visions has seen you unhappy. I can't possibly imagine what could make a person so sad, but I will go out of my way to remedy that. I feel like I've known you forever, and I just want it to continue that way. So I guess what I'm trying to say is… will you stay with me?"

Memo to self; information overloads are bad for the brain. I felt like a child lost in a grocery store at the moment. But I was still considering her proposition. It seemed far too good to be true. In my life, if things seemed too good to be true, they usually were. Feeding on the blood of animals? Could it really be that simple to avoid the depression? But then again, what did I have to lose? If it didn't work out, I would continue on my conquest for death.

"Yes," I said, and there was far more conviction in that one word than I thought I had in my entire being. The smile she gave me flooded me with that same unfamiliar emotion. I furrowed my brow in confusion. "What is that?" I asked, my confusion very obvious in my voice.

"What's what?" she asked, squeezing my hand, which she had never let go of.

"I sense and manipulate emotion. And you… I've never felt anything like I'm feeling from you," I said, staring in her strange eyes.

A look of dawning apprehension fell on her face. "Dear Jasper," she began, and stepped even closer to me, so that her tiny body was pressed (innocently) against mine. She raised my hand in hers, pressing it to her flawless cheek. She cradled my hand for a moment, staring at me.

"Have you never felt love?" she asked, and suddenly I understood.


	15. Chapter 15: Destination, Anywhere

**Chapter 15**

**Destination, Anywhere**

I had never been happier in my entire life than I was in the mere minutes I'd already spent with Alice. Now that I knew this emotion as love, I was ecstatic and terrified all at the same time. No one, and I mean _no one_ had ever expressed love around me before. I'd felt a small bit of it every time Peter looked at Charlotte, but of course I didn't know what it was at the time. But I was afraid. I didn't want to let myself get close to Alice since this life we were headed for might not work out, and then I'd have to leave her alone. I'd never noticed how perfect life could be until now. I'd always just blown in the wind, going with the motions. Now I was truly free. The only hindrance to that was the thirst.

I knew it would be difficult. After all, I had been trying to starve myself for long periods of time, and it hadn't really worked out. But I was willing to try. If it would mean living, and living _happily_, I would do anything.

I didn't know what to do now. Would we just head for this coven? Alice answered my questions, which I came to realize was because she foresaw me asking them. I loved that about her.

"I don't want to go just yet," she said, picking at some bark of a tree.

We had left the warehouse and fled for the woods. We both felt confined in the city, and wanted the fresh, non-humanized air of the wilderness. It helped my thirst, which was steadily growing worse.

"I want to know everything about you," she said, spinning around in a showy fashion. The clothes she was wearing, as I now realized, were slightly reminiscent of the Vaudeville era. They were bold, daring, and flashy. But they still looked _great_ on her, don't get me wrong. The outfit consisted of an incredibly short skirt, which was still a little bit taboo, considering the times. The shirt was an off-white color, with frills billowing down the front and lace trimming the bottom. The heels she was wearing gave her a little bit of height, but not much; she was still only eye height with my lips.

"Everything?" I asked, smiling. For some reason, my long-gone sarcasm had returned. "Okay, I was born in Houston, Texas in 1842, weighing seven pounds, six ounces…"

"You remember your human life?" she asked, completely awestruck.

"Well, yes, all of the vampires I knew did as well. Do you not?" I asked, walking around in an aimless circle in our dark little clearing. I was much more content now that the sun had gone down.

"No," she said, fairly disappointed. "I remember up until I woke as a vampire, nothing before that."

I frowned. I couldn't imagine not having the ancient memories of my parents and siblings. Sometimes I would think of them, trying to make sure I never forgot their faces. My parents were probably long gone by now, and my sisters were probably old with children, grandchildren. But I wanted to remember them, no matter how old I became.

"I got visions, and at first I didn't understand them. But when I began to find that what I saw eventually came true, I figured it out. And I got one single vision very frequently, and very vividly," she said, a look of distant recognition in her golden eyes.

I figured I knew which vision that was. But she explained anyway. "It was always the same. That's how I knew that one day, some day, it would happen. So I sought out that diner, and sat at that damned bar every night for two years, waiting for your troubled little face to stroll in, lost as ever."

She walked up to me again, and laid a hand on the chest of my jacket. "And I would have waited a thousand more years for you to walk in," she said, giving me a loving glance.

She continued to stare until she realized she had more to say. "Oh yeah. I want to know your past. I've summed up mine in three sentences. I see the future, so not knowing your past irritates me."

I loved how blunt she was. There was no skirting topics; she just got right to the point. But her proposal irked me somewhat. I didn't want her to know about the killing. I didn't want her to know that I was a murderous monster for nearly sixty years. But I couldn't bring myself to lie. So I told her _most_ of the truth.

"I was changed in 1862. I joined the confederate army when I was seventeen. I was twenty when she found me. Her name was Maria. She was with two others, Nettie and Lucy. I stayed with them for the longest time, and some others came and went. But I began to find their lifestyle… troublesome. So another male, Peter, and his mate Charlotte left with me," I said, and realized we had started walking. Where? Neither of us knew nor cared. We were walking for walking's sake. And I loved it.

"I was with Peter when the depression hit me," I said, looking at her to judge her expression. She wasn't confused by the statement, as Maria had been by my state of mind. She was merely sympathetic, and waiting patiently for me to continue.

"I didn't know where it was coming from, that's what troubled me so. I couldn't fix it if I didn't know what was wrong. It just ate away at me for the longest time. Peter was the one to figure it out. I had wandered away from them to see if solitude helped. It didn't. Apparently I was gone for a few weeks, and when they tracked me down, I was practically starving. I was a mess, to put it lightly. Peter helped me into the city, which was in Missouri by the way, to help me feed. That's when he figured it out," I paused, not feeling the desire to explain to her how I lived the death of my victims.

"You felt their emotions as they died, didn't you?" she asked. I silently thanked her for her brilliance.

"Yes," I replied, stuffing my hands into the front pockets of my coat. "It's like I'm dying when they do. Every. Single. Time. It was just too much to bare."

She grabbed my arm, pulling me to a halt. She sauntered in front of me, and threw her arms around me. I fought the incredible urge to break down. I had been lost and depressed for so long that the simple act of her embrace threatened to shatter what was left of my sanity. I just stood there, stiff as a rock, silently staring at her small form wrapped around me. She didn't seem to mind that I wasn't reciprocating.

"This will be perfect, Jasper," she said, looking up at me but keeping her arms tightly wrapped around me. "You'll never have to feel that again. You will finally have peace."

It did seem that way. I sighed, and was able to actually relax for the first time in… God knows how long. Alice felt this, and squeezed me tighter before breaking her hold and continuing to walk.

"What about you?" I asked.

"What about me?" Alice replied, swinging my hand back and forth like a child.

"Well you've given me a basic summary, but no firm details. Where did you… wake up? How long ago?" I asked, staring up at the few stars that peaked through the silver clouds.

"I actually 'woke up'," she made air quotes, "in an asylum. The vampire who changed me had apparently just left me there because I was completely alone in a padded cell. I was obviously quite capable of getting out, and I found a small cemetery out behind the building. I found a headstone with that day's date on it, and assumed it was supposed to be mine. It read 'Marie Alice Brandon.' Hence the name," she said.

"So why not Marie?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because it's boring," she replied, and I couldn't help but smile.

Alice stopped abruptly, and when I turned to her, her eyes were completely vacant. I squeezed her hand, but got no response.

"Alice?" I asked.

Just as quickly as it had happened, it had stopped. She looked at me like nothing had happened at all. I just stared.

"What… was that?" I asked.

"That was one of my visions," she said, and there was a monotonous tone to it.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I just saw… nothing, it's nothing. I just hadn't realized how thirsty you probably are," she replied, and began looking around, apparently trying to catch the scent of some animal.

I wondered what she'd seen. It was definitely me, but doing what? Killing people? Had I been violent? I realized that such a prediction could be very real, considering exactly how thirsty I really was.

"Have you ever had animal blood?" she asked me, and beckoned for me to follow her.

"No," I replied earnestly. Why would I have ever even tried that?

"I warn you now- it's disgusting compared to human blood," she said.

"You've had human blood?" I asked. I'd thought that since she had the visions of drinking animal blood that she had just started doing that immediately.

"Long story," she said, making sure not to look at me. I stopped walking.

"We've got time, don't we?" I asked.

She finally turned to me. "Hopefully, yes. Eternity, even. But it's a story for another time," she said, her smile returning. "There," she continued. "Smell that? It's white-tailed deer. They're fast, but obviously not as fast as us."

I sniffed. It was a familiar scent, but one that I had ignored most of my life. I looked at her, feeling a little awkward. She smiled at me, and the look was promising.

"It's not going to keel over for you," she said, and held out a hand.

I sighed one last time before rocketing after the scent. It wasn't difficult to follow. It was sporadic, yes, but it did hold some form of linear movement. So within seconds, I had her in my sight, and within a few more, I had her in my teeth.

The doe's blood was very strange, and Alice's description had been spot-on. It _was _disgusting compared to human blood. I recoiled, scrunching my face in revulsion. I could hear her laugh behind me.

The sound of her laugh made my body go rigid. I felt like angels were descending on me. I shivered, and she stopped laughing. I knew she had seen, but I hoped she wouldn't dig much into it.

"I know it's difficult to imagine living on _that,_ but it gets easier," she said, kneeling next to me.

I looked at her, and considered what it would be like. In under a minute, I decided I would do anything for her. I mentally chastised myself for letting my guard down. I was trying my hardest to be guarded, and to her, I was an open book.


	16. Chapter 16: My Last First Kiss

**Chapter 16**

**My Last First Kiss**

Alice and I didn't see any reason to hurry to find this family. We would move at our own pace, learn about each other, and everything would work out. It was nice having someone who could see it coming. It made me incredibly optimistic about the whole experience. Except for the fact that I was hiding my scars from her. And the part of my past that entailed those scars. She was so pure, seemed so innocent, that I couldn't imagine the shame I would feel when she found out I was a monster. I say when because it was only a matter of time. I knew she would see them, whether it be a slip of the coat or in a vision. But I was determined to keep them from her as long as possible. Maybe if she got to know me, she would accept me when the time came.

I could tell she knew. She could see my hesitation every time she got close. I would let her hold me, curl up with me, but that was as far as it went. I was dying inside every time I had to pull away, but my desire to keep my shameful secret hidden was much more overpowering. I wouldn't even let her wrap a hand around my neck, for I knew the raised skin of the bites would catch her attention.

We had started to leisurely head to Washington, where Alice had seen this family. The Cullens, she called them. She described them to me; a father who had never tasted human blood, with a wife that he saved and subsequently fell in love with. Two sons, and a daughter. All adopted, obviously. One of the sons was huge and brawny, and was fairly new to this life. The other son was smaller; probably seventeen when he was changed, with rich bronze hair. The daughter was a blonde that even Alice said was gorgeous. And all of them were happy.

"Tell me about where they live," I said one day as we sat in a little clearing.

We had stopped traveling due to our proximity to a city; I didn't know which one. We worried someone might see us.

"It's a huge white house," Alice said, twirling the ripples of her skirt in one of her tiny fingers. "The father, Carlisle, is a doctor, if you can believe it," she said.

That stunned me. Why would any vampire subject themselves to such torture? Well I knew one thing, no _sane_ vampire would.

"They have lots of money, not that it matters much," she said, scrutinizing a dirt stain on the skirt. "And they're very happy, Jasper. Happier than even I thought possible in this life."

"I had thought the same until a few days ago," I said. She stopped playing with her dress, and looked up at me. The sun glanced off of her skin like diamonds, and the sight took my breath away.

"Really?" she asked, and she sounded amazed. "Because I was the same. I knew you would come, I knew what I would say, but I never knew I would feel like this. I…" she trailed off.

"What?" I asked, smiling. I was thankful she felt like I did. I felt like our 'relationship' was so strong, and I hardly knew her. I didn't want her to get spooked by the fact that I already (despite trying to convince myself otherwise) loved her.

She didn't answer, but instead crawled to where I was sitting against a tree, and crawled into my lap. I tensed again, going on guard about the scars. She stared at me for the longest time. I felt that same romantic emotion from her and I couldn't help but smile.

"Your emotions give you away, my darling," I said in a mock critical tone.

She acted like she hadn't heard. Her eyes flicked from my eyes to my lips, and the light went on in my head. I analyzed the situation immediately. If I let her kiss me, I risked her seeing or touching one of the scars on my neck. On the other hand, her emotions were intensifying my own, and all I wanted was a kiss. Just… one…

Her lips were against mine within that millisecond, and I couldn't stop myself. I was kissing her with more passion than I'd ever done anything. Every time my lips moved, the passion I was feeling from her intensified. It was slightly reminiscent of the depression, only in a completely different way. When I'd been depressed, it had actually taken a physical toll on me. Now, her passion was doing the same.

I felt like I was being electrocuted. My spine went rigid and my muscles felt like wax; they were melting at her touch. I was panting, and I actually felt like I needed to fuel something; if it wasn't a heart, then it was this overwhelming fervor.

She leaned forward more, and her hands were suddenly on my chest. I really didn't know what I was doing, but I let my fingers wander to her slender sides. At my touch, she shuddered, and it drove me mad. I kissed her harder, leaning forward away from the tree. One tiny hand began to crawl up my chest to my neck.

I froze, my lips becoming unresponsive to her kiss. Right as her hand wound around to wrap around my neck, my hand grabbed it so quickly and tightly that I barely registered the movement. She squeaked in pain at the grip.

"Don't," I begged, my voice giving away my terror.

She pulled away quickly so she could look me in the eyes. "What?" she asked, panicked. "What's wrong?"

"I…" I began, but I had no explanation. "Just… don't. Please."

The look she gave me was heartbreaking. Not only that, but the worry coming from her was intoxicating… in a bad way.

She pulled her hand from my grasp, and I let her go. Confusion flickered across her face, and then her hand went for my neck again, this time to test my reaction.

I yanked my head away. "Alice," I begged again, and my voice was actually shaking.

Her hand paused, but didn't fall. She looked at me. "You can trust me, Jasper," she whispered, and there was both worry and sympathy in her words. "I would never hurt you."

"It's not that," I said. I was frantic to find some explanation… any explanation that would keep her from finding out. "I just…" I trailed off, still lost for words.

She slowly reached for my neck again. I didn't have the will to stop her again, or the explanation to back it with. So I tensed for the storm, and looked away from her. I felt her hand touch the skin, moving the collar of the coat aside.

She didn't give any physical reaction to the scars, but I felt her surprise. Then it turned to more worry. Her hands went straight to the front of my coat, and I just let her. What choice did I have? I sighed, my breath shaking, as she unbuttoned the front of it. That's when she gasped.

"Jasper, who _did this to you?_" she asked, running an incredibly light finger over the scar on my collarbone where Nettie had bitten me all those years ago. I scoffed, knowing how much worse her reaction would be when she saw my mangled arms.

"I'm afraid I haven't been completely truthful with you, Alice," I said, my voice still unsure.

She wasn't angry at my secret keeping, but sympathetic. She stared in my eyes, waiting for an explanation.

For the next hour, I explained to her about the armies, the killing of newborns… everything. Confessing to her broke me. I just knew she would be disgusted at the unjustified murders I had committed. I knew she would hate me, leave me, and both of us would be alone. I should have known better.

When I had finished my last sentence, I stared at the ground, my hands actually shaking. I couldn't bear to lose her… not this one.

"Why were you so afraid to tell me that?" she asked, curling up into my left side.

"You're not repulsed?" I asked, looking at her.

"Why in hell would I be repulsed?" she asked, and her tone made an anxious giggle escape my lips.

"I don't know. I just thought you might think you'd fallen in love with a monster," I said, twirling her short hair in my left hand.

"Nothing you could say or do could make me love you any less," she said, sitting all the way up and staring me in the eyes. "But rather, I will love you more for all your flaws, Jasper Whitlock."

Her emotions gave credit to her claim, and I was stunned. No one had ever loved me like she did, and I couldn't see why. I didn't deserve her devotion, not in the slightest. But I _needed_ it. It was like a drug to me.

I kissed her again, this time completely unrestrained. She returned the gesture tenfold. Her emotions couldn't have been any stronger at that moment. And her passion became mine.


	17. Chapter 17: Detox Just to Retox

**Chapter 17**

**Detox Just To Re-tox**

"So why didn't you see it coming?" I asked Alice when the sun had gone down. I was wondering why I was able to keep my scars hidden for so long.

"My visions are subjective," she said, picking a leaf from a tree and tearing at it mindlessly. "I only see someone's future when they've made a definite decision. You hadn't planned to let me see… hadn't planned to let me kiss you. So when you made that last minute decision, that's when I would have seen it. But I was obviously… preoccupied," she said, grinning sheepishly.

I nodded. Her ability was fascinating to me. And since she didn't remember her human life, it was one of the few things I could inquire about.

"So you can see the future whenever you want to?" I asked.

"If I try," she said, tossing the shredded pieces of the leaf to the ground. "But the strong ones are the ones that just come to me. Like the one of us in the diner did. Since you'd been so unhappy with Maria, and then so depressed with Peter, your future was always the same. You were always considering something more, so that 'something more' was always out there waiting for you to find it."

I smiled.

"I need to feed," Alice said, picking at her teeth with a fingernail.

"Alright," I said. I had just fed on that deer a few days before, so I was still okay. But she hadn't fed since before she'd met me. "I will be waiting for you," I said as she turned to walk deeper into the forest. "Every second until you return."

She smiled as she began skipping farther from me. "Sure you'll last two seconds without me?" she asked playfully.

"No," I said honestly. The smile on her face widened, and she dashed after a scent.

Not that I had wanted it, but alone time really helped me get things into perspective. The things I knew for sure; first, my life was finally turning from its disaster course, and second, I was desperately in love with Alice.

I wandered for a bit, letting her have her privacy. I didn't want to be one of those Velcro guys. Yes, I know, that hadn't been invented yet either, but you catch my drift. I wandered aimlessly until I found that I had stumbled on a log house in the forest. I went to turn and run, knowing I would feed on them if I caught their scent, but it was too late.

The wind picked up. I firmly believe that if it had just been the scent of humans, I might have been able to walk away. But it wasn't. Someone was bleeding. Suddenly I felt like I was somewhere in the trees, watching this uncontrollable beast wheel around and rocket into the front door. I couldn't stop him any more than a fly swatter could.

I tried to stop him, I really did. I screamed to him about Alice, how badly she wanted this new life. I screamed at him to try to make him see that she would be upset. I tried to convince him to find some animal, no matter how small. Just don't take a human life. Not when he was so close. He didn't listen.

When it was finished, I slowly returned to my own body, and I was distraught. Three people. I had killed and fed on three people. A mother, a husband, and a son. I was standing in a living room, surrounded by their bodies, terrified out of my mind at what I had done. How could I have just done that? Not been able to stop myself… and massacred three people. I could feel all three deaths screaming inside of me, threatening consume me.

I collapsed to my knees and pushed myself into a corner, where I pulled my knees up to my chest. What had I done? I was hyperventilating, just to feed my growing panic. Alice… what would Alice think? That I was weak… too weak to live this life. Her proposition had been so simple; feed on animals. And I couldn't even handle that.

I don't know how long I sat, curled in that corner, cowering in fear. But she came soon enough. I heard her footsteps first, entering the clearing where the house stood. Then her feeble voice, "Jasper?"

I didn't answer. In fact, I tried to push myself farther into the corner. Then the sound of her tiny feet entering the threshold hit me. I looked up out of my knees to see her peer straight at me. Her face was full of condolence, and she began to walk toward me. I moved before she could get there.

Within a few seconds, I had gone to her… collapsed at her feet. I was hyperventilating worse now, my entire body shaking. I grasped her hand tightly.

"I am so, _so_ sorry Alice," I begged, just waiting for the rejection. "I know how much this new life means to you, and I… I just couldn't stop myself. I tried, I swear to _God,_ I tried. I could see myself, and I…" my voice hitched in my throat, and I was suddenly sobbing tearlessly.

She collapsed to her knees next to me, and words weren't necessary. She just wrapped her arms around me so tightly that it would have strangled any human. But it wasn't tight enough for me. I grabbed her hand, and she pulled me closer, causing me to fall off of my knees and plunge awkwardly into her embrace. She just rocked me like a child, speaking comforting words, but I didn't hear them. My own self-loathing was ringing in my ears.

"Shh," she cooed, her voice a placating quiet. "It's okay, Jasper. It's going to be okay. It's not your fault. I had problems too," she said, stroking a hand over my hair.

"You're not…" I paused, trying to catch my breath so I could speak. "You're not angry?" I stammered.

"Of course I'm not angry, Jasper," she said, squeezing me tighter. "I told you, I love you. You, and all of your flaws."

"You should be," I said, composing myself. "Yell at me, hit me, do _anything,_" I begged. "I don't deserve sympathy."

She pushed away from me so she could give me a scolding look. "Don't you dare say that," she said, but she was still being comforting. "I understand what you're going through, Jazz. You're a prisoner in this body Jasper; trapped behind a cage of these scars. All I want to do is set you free," she said, pushing some of my hair from my face.

She sat with me for a long time, holding me and talking me down. I couldn't understand why she was so forgiving. I was a monster, a murderer. I deserved nothing less than punishment, and she was just understanding and forgiving. It was daylight when she finally calmed me. But we still just sat together, silent.

"You okay?" she asked, so quietly that it was barely audible to even me.

I was afraid my voice might betray me, so I merely nodded. Her grip on me began to loosen. My hand flew to her wrist, holding it.

"Don't," I said, holding her hand up to my lips and keeping it there. "Don't leave me just yet."

Her eyes softened. "I just had an idea. I will be right back," she said, and I was still reluctant to let her get up.

"I wont even leave your eyesight," she whispered right into my ear. I was content with that.

She stood lithely and walked to the other side of the room, where she picked up a violin that was leaning against the wall. She walked back over and immediately sat next to me again. She smiled at me before she raised the bow to the strings, and closed her eyes.

"Music always helps me," she said, and I could see the thought process flashing across her face.

"How long has it been since you last played?" I asked.

She giggled. "A really long time. But bear with me. I know one song by heart."

She dragged the bow over the strings, testing it. It was out of tune, but she quickly tuned it, and looked at me.

"I love you," she said, and the sincerity was evident.

She began playing then, and the song was absolutely flawless. I was motionless through the entire thing, until the last dying vibrato note. I just stared straight ahead, the song making me think about several things.

"What are you thinking?" Alice said quietly, setting the violin down.

"Oh, I was just thinking about my past. I think it's safe to say it was a train wreck waiting to happen," I replied, looking at my hands absently.

"What about your future? What do you see in that?" she asked, tapping her feet together like a child.

"You see the future. You tell me," I said.

"But I want to hear what you expect out of it. Come on, tell me," she said, leaning toward me like an anxious child at story time. "You're not shy, are you?"

I considered for a second. The words that came out of my mouth astounded even me.

"I see myself with the most astoundingly beautiful, funny, quirky woman I've ever met. I see myself discovering her favorite flower so that I could line her hair with it every morning- just to spite such flowers because they would seem ugly in comparison. I see myself wearing her favorite color, so maybe I might steal her piercing gaze more than usual. I would spend every day trying to think of new ways to make her laugh because… because she has a laugh like the bells of an angel. And I would spend my nights making love to her so passionately that hopefully she would recognize that my love for her is unconditional and eternal; more so than I could even begin to put into words. And finally… I would find a way to make her kiss me every second of every day. For without her lips, I would beg for death. That's where I see myself in the future."

As I looked back up, Alice was staring blankly at me; unmoving and silent. Her eyes were so motionless that I had to ask.

"What? What is it? What did you see?" I asked, wondering what this vision could be of.

"Nothing. I didn't see anything, Jasper. It's just… those are the most beautiful words I've ever heard. And I was just wondering if a motionless heart can still melt," she said, smiling that heart-jerking smile.

I looked bashfully at my feet. I would have blushed if I'd been capable. She crawled into my lap on all fours, her brow furrowed in adoration. She leaned forward then, and planted an incredibly sweet kiss on my lips. A tingling sensation ripped into my mouth, and I couldn't help myself; I gasped at the feeling.

_*Author's note: I wanted to link to the song I imagined Alice playing, but it keeps cutting off the youtube part. So type that part in, then this: .com/watch?v=JSnR80kY0m0. Ignore the video, just listen to the song :-]*_


	18. Chapter 18: Overwhelmed

Chapter 18

**Overwhelmed**

We traveled for a few days without stopping. Alice was always trying to find ways to make me more comfortable, and I was always stunned. She discovered that I always relaxed when we were touching. So, she used that to her advantage. Every second of every day was a stolen glance, or touch, or kiss. I couldn't help myself; I was falling for her harder than a comet to earth.

We were in Iowa when Alice surprised me again. She had gone out of her way to check where civilizations were, so we could steer clear of them. We had stopped at the Des Moines River to feed, and Alice was washing dirt from her shoes and legs. I watched her intently, studying her every move. She fidgeted under my gaze, but didn't say anything.

She suddenly stopped moving, staring blankly ahead. I patiently waited for her to come back to reality before asking, "What was it?"

"The Cullens," she said, looking disappointed. "They've moved. Or rather, they're _going_ to move. It looks like they're going to Alaska. I wonder why."

"Who knows," I said, splashing water onto my face and shaking it out of my hair like a dog.

Alice grinned, and I should have taken more heed to the mischievous feelings she was emitting.

She pounced at me, knocking me backward into the river. A giant splash erupted onto the shore, and she laughed hysterically. I leaned up, my entire lower half under the rushing water.

"Hilarious, Alice," I said, wiping water from my eyes. She just kept laughing as she stepped forward to help me out of the river, my pants and coat completely waterlogged. I took her hand and took a step to the shore.

I yanked her toward me, jumping to the side so that she could fall straight into the river, face down. She sat up, pouting and crossing her arms like a child.

"I hate you," she said sarcastically, standing to let the water cascade off of her. "You always make last minute decisions. And I end up face down in a river."

"You started it," I said, sitting on a rock on the shore and dumping water from my shoes.

She trudged out of the river, her clothes practically falling off from the water weight. She watched as I did my best to wring out the bottom of my shirt. I threw the big coat off to my right, where it happily puddled. She bit her lip when she didn't think I was watching.

She pulled off her jacket and tossed it onto the ground. She walked up to me, grabbing the bottom of her shirt and pulling it up over her head, revealing her bra.

"Well, they'll have to air dry now," she said, tossing the shirt aside.

_Shit_, I thought. _Shit, shit._ I knew what she was insinuating, and I didn't know if I was ready for that. If we went that far, she would have my whole heart, and I had never let anyone get that close.

She put both hands on my chest, and leaned in to kiss me again. Each time I kissed her, it was like the first time. She paralyzed me, in every way. My mind refused to work correctly, and my body just shut down. She knew this, and used it to her advantage.

If you've ever thought mental emotions can't have a physical effect on someone, I'm here to tell you that you are W.R.O.N.G. Her emotions were so strong that they doubled mine… tripled them, even. It was twice as bad as the depression had been. While the depression was singularly my own, this was my own passion being doubled by that of hers.

I felt her fingers at the bottom of my shirt, and I shuddered at her touch. She giggled as she slipped my shirt off, but a small squeak escaped her lips; I had forgotten she hadn't seen my arms yet.

I sighed, completely self-conscious. Alice scrutinized the scars, tracing a few of the worse ones with her fingers. She looked me in my miserable eyes, then her lips went to one of the scars on my neck. She traced her lips across each scar on that side of my neck, then started tracing them to the ones on my chest.

I hadn't realized exactly what her emotions were doing to me. I was practically winded from panting, and my limbs felt like jelly. I realized with some insecurity that I was shaking. It was like her passion was actually burning through me, like venom does. But this was in a good way. Such a good way that I was having trouble controlling myself.

My knees actually buckled and I began to slide down the rock I had been perched against. She never stopped kissing my skin; she just knelt with me. Her hands found their way to my wrists, where she pinned them against the rock.

Hundreds of memories flashed into my head then; Maria holding me down when she'd changed me, the many times I'd been pinned by attacking enemies- the pain that went with it. I jumped and whimpered slightly, yanking my hands away from her.

"Please don't do that," I asked, and I could tell she understood. She gave me a sympathetic look, and continued to kiss the scars near my neck. She traced the one on my collarbone, making sure not to let her teeth touch my skin. She was brilliant. She had already figured it out; I couldn't be pinned because of the memories of it, and I definitely couldn't feel teeth on my skin. I didn't know how I would react to that, but I was silently thankful that I wouldn't have to find out.

Her enthusiasm heightened again, and this time it nearly floored me. It was like burning, in an extremely good way. I gasped, and it only excited her. She began to kiss my chest, lower and lower as she pushed me back onto the ground. She straddled me, and I couldn't handle the intensity any more.

I held a trembling hand out and pushed against her lightly. I didn't trust my voice with words, but I managed to stammer, "wait."

She huffed a sigh; I could tell she didn't like being interrupted. "Unless you want this to be a _very_ short experience, you need to try to temper your emotions," I said, my panting hindering my speech slightly.

I could tell she understood now. And I had hoped she would make an effort to not torture me like this. I didn't expect her to like what she was doing.

"No," she said simply, and began kissing my chest again. She actually made an effort to make her raging passion _more_ intense. I couldn't handle it any more. I moaned loudly and gripped at my hair, so hard that I thought I might pull some out. I laid my head back onto the ground, the effort of holding it up somehow becoming too much for me. My shaking was so bad now that I was actually shivering.

Alice laughed. "_That's_ what I wanted," she said. I had been fighting her most of the way through our time together, and I could sense her relief when I finally surrendered. She smiled and began kissing my chest again.


	19. Chapter 19: Self Control

**Chapter 19**

**Self Control**

Alice's skin danced in the sunlight as she lay curled in my left arm. I mindlessly traced patterns on her back as she perched her chin on my chest to look at me.

"Can I give you something?" I asked.

"Oh, like what? Like a present?" she asked, smiling like a child on Christmas.

"Um, sort of," I replied. "But you can't re-gift this one."

She raised her eyebrow questioningly. I took her left hand in mine, bringing it up to rest on my chest, where my unbeating heart lay silent. "As hard as I tried to keep myself guarded, I have failed. And I fell for you so hard it actually hurts sometimes. You have my whole heart now, Alice. I know it's not a good gift. It's broken, tattered, and practically useless. But I firmly believe you are the only one that can put it back together. Please be careful."

She stared back at me, and a twinge of affection came from her.

"You have mine too, Jasper," she said, bringing her hand up and stroking my face. "And I will walk on eggshells to keep yours safe."

I bowed my head and pressed a kiss on her forehead. She smiled, and wrapped her arms tightly around me as best she could.

We were lying on that same sunny patch next to the river, only with far less garments on. None, actually. The sun was doing it's best to cling to the horizon, and it was casting the most brilliant colors on the clouds above.

We lay in silence for God knows how long. Then Alice patted my stomach playfully.

"We should probably get going," she said, pulling away. I groaned as her touch left me.

She shifted around, finding each article of clothing I had eventually torn from her body. She tossed mine at me as she found them. I watched her every move, intoxicated.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you it's rude to stare," she said as she slipped into her underwear and bra.

"No," I said, which was a lie. My human mother had been the best I could have asked for.

She giggled, then her face went flat. I followed her eyes to the skirt she was putting on, and I swear I actually blushed.

It was torn so badly that it wasn't even wearable. Her shoulders shrank.

"Sorry," I stammered, thinking back to when I had undressed her.

"It's okay," she said, though I could tell it wasn't. "I instigated it."

"True," I said. I stood, slipping into my pants quickly. "I'll get you a new one."

Alice froze. "You? Go into a store and get me a new skirt? No offense, but I really don't think that's a good idea."

I shrugged. "I'll be okay. As long as I feed first," I didn't even believe my own lying words. "Besides, what are you gunna do? Go get one in your underwear?"

She thought about it. "I'd rather hurt their eyes than kill them," she said, and I laughed. That was true.

"Well, look," I said, pulling on my shirt. I realized that my clothes weren't even remotely damaged, and I grinned bashfully. "Will I hurt anyone?"

She smiled, then her eyes went blank for a second. When the vision was through, Alice's hand flew to her mouth in shock, but she was smiling extremely brightly.

"What? What is it?" I asked, taking a few steps toward her.

"Oh. Nothing. It's nothing," she said, but she was still smiling like she'd just seen the Easter bunny. "And no," she continued, her voice surprised. "You wont hurt anyone. If you feed first."

I decided to blow off the previous comments. "Good. Will I actually be buying these clothes, or will I be using my sneaky theft skills?" I asked, wondering where I would come by any money.

"Don't steal," she said, and fished through a surviving pocket in the skirt. She handed me a wad of cash.

"Where, per se, did you get this?" I asked as I unfolded the bills.

"That house. I thought we might come in need of it eventually. I'm glad I took it. I hadn't realized you were… such an animal," she said, grinning and poking at her ruined skirt.

"Hey, that was your fault!" I retorted. "_You_ were torturing me with such strong emotions. What was I supposed to do? You overestimate my self control," I said.

I finally realized exactly how much money she'd given me. There had to be at least a thousand in my hand, maybe more.

"Alice!" I exclaimed. "Do I really need this much to buy you some clothes?"

"No, but you'll need it. Trust me," she said, grinning and looking away from me. My curiosity peaked, making me wonder what she'd seen. But I knew she probably wouldn't tell me if I asked, so I turned and picked up the scent of humans to follow it to the city.

She was standing in front of me within seconds, her face completely serious. "It will be difficult," she said, her hands on my chest. "More painful than anything you've experienced. But please… just think of me, and you wont hurt them."

I stared back at her. Her brilliance always astounded me. She had already figured out that she meant more to me than anything, so the thought of her might be strong enough to hinder my thirst. I smiled, kissing her forehead.

"Piece of cake," I said nonchalantly. "Figuratively."

She laughed, and stepped back as I rocketed toward the city. I knew what I faced, and it terrified me. The sun had finally peeked below the horizon, but it's lasting remnants were still lighting up the horizon. That meant that it was roughly six o'clock. I hoped the store would still be open.

I came across a few deer on my way, and fed on two of them- just to be safe. It wasn't even minutes before the lights of the city were glittering in my line of sight. I took a deep breath, then headed into the dimly lit streets.

I steered as clear of every passing human as I could. I wasn't breathing so that I wouldn't smell them, but I knew I would have to when I went into the store. The clerk might think a guy with crazy eyes and an unmoving chest was a little bit strange.

I found the first store and went in. The clerk greeted me from the cashier desk, but didn't come to help me. I thanked God that I could hold my breath for a little while longer. I browsed, always steering clear of the clerk. That's when I realized I didn't know Alice's size.

_Shit_, I thought. Well, it couldn't be that difficult. Small or extra small. So I picked something that looked strange to me- something she would probably like. I grabbed a small and an extra small, and turned to go to the desk. I clenched my teeth hard as I took my first breath.

I couldn't have been in more pain if I was knocked down by a bulldozer, set on fire, and torn apart piece by piece. And then eaten by some huge animal, just for kicks. The burning in my throat was far worse than anything I'd experienced, mostly because I knew I couldn't satiate it. I staggered backward, closing my eyes tight.

"You alright, sir?" the clerk asked, and it brought me back. I tried to command myself as I looked up at him.

"Yes," I said, my voice sounding strange. "It's just… headache."

He nodded, then began ringing up the clothes. I did everything imaginable to distract myself. I counted backwards from one hundred, I tried to memorize the prices of everything around me- anything to divert my attention. But the only thing that worked was picturing her face.

I went through all of her expressions as I handed him a bill and he began to fish for change in the register. Smiling, laughing, even frowning- all of her facial expressions. They almost made me forget. Almost.

He held out the change, and I took it quickly. The control could only last so long. He told me to feel better, which was slightly ironic to me since he would have to die for that. I grabbed the skirts and rocketed out of the store. I should have been worried about moving too quickly to be considered normal by human eyes, but all I was concerned with was getting away from him.

I immediately stopped breathing once I was out of his sight. I was incredibly relieved. I had done it. I hadn't hurt him. I began walking quickly down the street, when I saw the glowing. It was a neon sign, blinking on and off in brilliant white shades. It caught my attention, and when I read it, everything fell into place.

It read O.C. Cobb, Fine Jewelers. I put two and two together. Why would Alice be smiling like a child when she saw me going into the town? Why would she hand me far too much money? I smiled, astounded at how utterly amazing she was.

I took a deep breath as I stepped into the store.

"We're just about to close," a woman said nicely from behind a glass casing.

I pictured Alice's cute little face when she'd seen the vision, and it was much easier to turn to the woman and say, "I'll be quick."

I walked straight to the rings, my mind reeling in thought. She knew it was coming, but I still wanted to do it. Just because she knew it was coming didn't mean it was any less important.

Much to my disappointment, the woman walked over to the case, staring down at them.

"Got someone special you're shopping for?" she asked sweetly.

I looked her straight in the eyes. "Undeniably and unbearably special, she is," I said, and the woman's face lit up at my enthusiasm.

"What kind of diamond?" she asked, and I was thankful she knew exactly what I was looking for.

But her question struck me. "I have absolutely no idea," I said honestly.

I was finding it much easier to deal with her scent than I had with the other store clerk. I realized it was because my mission in this store was far more important to me than the last one had been. The thought of Alice's face when I… it would be priceless. And that image helped me tremendously.

The woman took several rings from the glass casing and showed them to me. I knew a few things about Alice's fashion sense, so I was able to rule out a few of the more boring rings. I wanted something symbolic, and simple diamonds just didn't cut it.

It was the seventh ring she showed me that I fell in love with. I immediately slapped all the cash on the counter, and the woman laughed at my zeal. She picked out the price from the bills, and put the ring in a maroon velvet box for me. I smiled very wide as I took it and thanked her.

"Good luck," she said as I got to the door.

Now came the hard part.


	20. Chapter 20: The Proposal

**Chapter 20 **

**The Proposal**

I was terrified as I walked through the forest, following my own scent backwards to where I had left her. I had never even been in a real relationship before Alice, and now…

I couldn't think of what to say. The same-old, same-old traditional saying wasn't good enough. She was far too special for just something ordinary. But what could I say that would even begin to tap into how I really felt about her? Nothing came to mind. And my thoughts continued to be blank for the duration of my traveling through the giant trees.

When I found her, she was sitting cross-legged on a large rock by the riverbed, smiling like a child.

"I take it you figured out what I saw?" she said. I didn't reply, only handed her the skirts I had bought. I turned my back on her, and began pacing anxiously.

She slipped into one of them and stood, watching my every move. When I finally got a hold of myself, I turned to see her staring at me, not smiling anymore.

"Jasper, don't be afraid…" she began to say, but I cut her off.

"Please let me speak. If I don't get it out now, I'll lose the words," I said, and approached her.

She just stared at me, waiting patiently. "I have never known love, Alice. At least not from anyone in my vampire life. And it shocks me every day I'm with you."

I took both her hands in mine and held them up between us. "I know I haven't been the easiest man to deal with, but you'll have to trust that I will learn. My humanity was shattered by years of killing, and I am willing to work to get it back."

Alice's excitement flooded through me, and I had to stop for a second to control myself.

"I am flawed, imperfect, and completely undeserving of your devotion," I continued.

Alice meant to object, but I nodded "no" to stop her interrupting. "But I will spend every day and every ounce of conviction in this scarred body trying to become the man you so wholly deserve. So I guess what I'm trying to say is…"

I paused, as I knelt in front of her. For the first time since meeting her, Alice was frightened. But it wasn't in the traditional way. It felt… different. Like a _good_ frightened, if that's possible.

"Will you wait for me?" I asked, opening the box that I had retrieved from my pocket.

The many facets of the diamond sent glittering specks across Alice's loving face. The gold ring itself lit up the box with the moonlight it refracted, and the two heart-shaped rubies that were set on either side of the princess-cut diamond seemed to actually be smiling.

Alice was smiling like she was about to cry, and she collapsed in front of me, throwing her arms around me.

"Whom else would I love?" she whimpered in my ear, stroking my hair. "Of course I will wait for you, Jasper. I will wait for tomorrow. And all tomorrows."

I threw my arms around her, and she backed away slightly so she could kiss me. She was frantic, like she would never kiss me again. I kissed her back, exactly the same.

She pulled back, cradling my face in her hands, hysterically happy.

I looked down, pulling the ring from the box. She held out her hand, and I realized with astonishment that her hand was actually shaking.

Before putting the ring on her finger, I brought her hand to my lips, kissing it lightly. The shaking stopped.

I had never been happier as I said, "Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place. Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace. Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste. It all revolves around you. And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide. Storm clouds may gather, and stars may collide. But I love you. I love you, Alice. Until the end of time." She gasped as I slipped the ring onto her tiny little finger.

Alice looked like she would have been shedding tears of joy if she were capable. She kissed me again; a kiss that put all others to shame.

_*F.Y.I. Since this one is so short, I'm posting ch. 21 with it. And yes I know I quoted Moulin Rouge, but it's a good line!*_


	21. Chapter 21: Cross Country

**Chapter 21**

**Cross Country**

Alice was ecstatic. And her happiness made me smile nonstop. She was skipping every step, yet she never let go of my hand. She had suddenly become a hopeless romantic, and she forced us to stop regularly so she could prove it to me. Not that I objected.

However, physical love was hard to handle with Alice. She overloaded me on passion every time, and sometimes I couldn't move. I had to start turning her down because she was actually exhausting me. I hadn't thought that was even possible. But it was. She understood every time I turned her down, but every time I didn't she was unbearably feverous.

We began to race each other, the running giving both of us a sense of purpose. Like we were headed for something greater than just a family, and speed was the key. We reached Montana in under a week, and we were in Dawson City in the Yukon Territory of Canada a few days after that. Alice had seen the Cullens in Denali, Alaska. She had started to see some other vampires sometimes; ones she hadn't recognized. But she said that their eyes were gold, like ours were. Mine had slowly changed the more I fed on animal blood.

We started to travel more slowly, knowing that this would be our few remaining days of solitude. I was excited to meet this family, yes. But I wanted to just be with Alice right now. So we stopped more often, sometimes just to talk.

We were in the Alaska Mountain Range on our final day. We knew we would reach the Cullens at least by the next sunset, so Alice wanted to stop one final time. She sat me down on a fallen log, and she plopped down next to me. She leaned against me, her head on my shoulder.

"They'll be surprised, but hospitable," she assured me. "They're incredibly sweet people, Jasper," she said as she eyed her ring. "Especially the red-headed mother, Esme. From what I've seen, she actually treats them like her children. She loves them like children."

I sighed, imagining how remarkable such a life would be. I would have a family again, and I would get to spend every moment with my Alice. It was perfect.

"Oh, wow," Alice gasped, sitting up straight and pointing to the north. I followed her finger to where erratic dancing lights flitted over the horizon. "Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?"

I looked at her. "Yes. I have."

She slowly looked back at me, dazed by my words. She smiled, and intertwined her fingers with mine. "Love struck fool," she said.

"You like it," I replied, and she smiled as she leaned back against my side.

"I hope you like it there," she said absently.

"We could choose to live in a dumpster and I would be happy if you were there," I said, shoving her playfully.

"You know what I mean," she said, and smiled back. "They interact with humans on a regular basis and… I know how difficult that is for you. I had that vision of you in the store, buying the clothes. I never want to see you in pain like you were then. I just hope it gets easier."

That statement frightened me a bit. A regular basis? I could barely handle having a single human around me every once in a while…

"Your worried, aren't you?" she said at my silence.

"Of course I am," I said. "I don't want to ruin more people's lives by my weakness."

"_Don't_ call yourself weak," she retorted, and it was slightly scolding. "It's torturous, I know that. Just because you have a hard time overcoming does not make you weak."

I died to say "yes it does," but arguing with Alice was futile, so I let it go.

"They will help you," she said, her hand resting on my leg. "They know how difficult it is."

"But I thought you said the father had never tasted human blood?" I said. Apparently, I had still decided to argue with her.

"Actually he _and_ the blonde daughter haven't. But that doesn't matter. They will understand, Jazz," she said, looking me in the eyes.

I sighed. If they didn't, I would just have to seclude myself for a while. Just to make sure I would be able to handle it.

Alice and I watched the Northern Lights all night, and when the sun rose we began walking. We were leisurely in our pace, and Alice held my hand the entire way. Outwardly, she was as calm as a lake surface on a windless day. But her excitement was boiling through me. When we began to get closer; into land she'd seen in her vision, she quickened the pace. I just followed quietly. The more excited she became, the more anxious I was.

The last time I'd been around a large group of vampires, it hadn't ended well. Large groups just made me nervous. I hadn't realized I was using my ability until Alice stopped abruptly and turned to me.

"Don't be scared," she begged, pushing hair from my face.

"What?" I asked, trying to cover it up. I didn't want to ruin her mood. "I'm not, where would you get that idea?"

"You're giving me your emotions, Jasper," she replied, and I slumped my shoulders in defeat.

"It's just… large groups of vampires make me nervous," I said, shuddering at the memory of several of my worst bite scars.

"It's all going to be okay," she said, hugging her arms around me tightly. "And I say that in all honesty. I've seen it. Everything will be fine."

I nodded, but my anxiety didn't dissipate. She could obviously tell, so she cuddled up next to me as we kept walking. She made sure to keep me close as we walked up a short driveway. I could feel it from her; this was it.

It was a huge three-story house made of oak. There were windows everywhere, which confused me a little. There were two cars parked out front; one Rolls Royce, and one Coupe deVille. A man's car and a woman's.

Alice let go of my hand, which actually peaked my unease, and knocked on the front door. I walked slowly up the stairs behind her, peering around for any threat.

"You know what you're going to say, right?" I asked, still looking out into the surrounding area.

"Of course," she replied, bouncing on her heels. I smiled at her childish ways.

The door creaked open.


	22. Chapter 22: The Cullens

**Chapter 22**

**The Cullens**

It was a woman; one that I recognized from Alice's descriptions. She was almost my height, with a perfect heart-shaped face and fiery red hair that fell in ripples down her back. She looked older than most vampires I had met; probably in her mid twenties when she was changed. Her face was so welcoming that I couldn't help but smile at her. Esme.

"Hello," Alice said sweetly, holding out a hand. "My name is Alice."

The woman shook her hand agreeably, and opened the door farther so she could get a good look at us.

"Hi," Esme said. "I'm…"

"Esme," Alice finished for her, and Esme recoiled in surprise.

"Why, yes. How did you know that?"

"Long story," Alice chirped, and reached for me. She wrapped a hand under my arm and yanked me forward. "This is my mate, Jasper."

Esme's eyes immediately found a few of my scars, which Alice had forced me to expose. She had said she wanted us to keep nothing from them. Esme didn't show any sign of caring about them, but her astonishment hit me.

"Hello, Jasper," Esme said, that same smile gracing her lips again as she held out her hand. I took it, but my inner southern gentleman kicked in. I bowed slightly and kissed it. Esme giggled, and it sounded like wind chimes.

"You'll have to excuse Jasper. He's a hopeless romantic," Alice said, and I sent her a chastising look, as if to say, "don't lie."

She ignored me.

"How can I help you two?" Esme asked, still smiling.

"Well, you see," Alice began anew. "I get visions of the future. Ever since my changing, I saw myself finding this little rascal," she pulled me closer, "and coming to find you. Your family, that is. We want to live like you do. Perhaps be a part of your wonderful life, if you'll have us."

Esme's face lit up at the suggestion. "Wait here," she said as she turned to face into the house.

"Oh you don't need to call Carlisle, he's on his way down," Alice said, and I squeezed her hand.

"Um, darling… you're probably frightening the nice woman," I said, smiling at Esme. But she looked like she had already figured Alice out.

That's when Carlisle descended the stairs just behind Esme. He was tall and strapping, with a face that put male models to shame. His slightly dark blonde hair was slicked back in a business-like fashion, but he was very warm and welcoming. He approached the door, analyzing Alice and me.

"I couldn't help but hear your conversation from upstairs," he said, holding out a hand to shake Alice's and mine. We gave our names, and he smiled.

"Well, why don't you come on in and we can talk," he said, and Esme stepped back to hold the door open for us.

The atrium of the house was huge, with slate tiles lining the floor beneath us. An enormous iron chandelier hung above us, cascading the entry with strange yellow light. Beyond the stairs was a dining room table (which confused me terribly) and directly to my left was a small sitting room complete with a white couch and Baby Grand piano.

"We would be happy to have you," Carlisle said, smiling a toothy grin.

I was stunned. Was it really that simple?

"Great!" Alice exclaimed, and Esme laughed at her. "We have traveled very far to find you. It's wonderful to finally meet you," Alice continued. "Where's Rosalie? I would really like to meet her."

"I'm definitely going to have to get used to that ability of yours," Esme said. "Rose, would you come down here please?" she called.

I barely registered movement, but within seconds, a woman had descended the stairs. When she stopped at the bottom, I was bewildered. Just for the record, I think Alice is the most stunning creature I have ever met, but this one was definitely right on her heels.

She was a tall, striking blonde whose face rivaled those of ancient myths of beauty. Sirens, they were called. Women so beautiful that passing sailors could not turn away from them, but rather sailed to their deaths, for the Sirens were beautiful but deadly. The description fit her ironically well. Rosalie was grinning only slightly, but it still took my breath away.

"Hello," Rosalie said, and shook Alice's very enthusiastic hand. Her eye went immediately to Alice's shining ring on her left hand, and then she truly smiled. She turned to me.

"Rosalie," I said, and kissed her hand just as I had done with Esme. "I am Jasper."

She acted like people greeted her like that every day. "I'm afraid Edward and Emmett are out hunting, but they should be back shortly," she said, eyeing a ring on her own finger.

"Why don't we find you a room, then?" Esme said sweetly, and turned toward the stairs. I looked warily at the front door again before following Alice and Esme up the stairs. Alice pranced down the hall after Esme, but I strayed a little behind them. For some reason I was feeling a bit claustrophobic. I could hear Alice chatting quickly with Esme, but I didn't really listen to their words.

"You seem a little anxious," a voice said to my right, and I jumped slightly. It was Rosalie.

"Really? What gave me away?" I said sarcastically.

She smiled. "They really are great people," Rosalie continued without answering my question. "I can't imagine living anywhere else. Or any _way_ else."

"Trust me, you don't want to," I said, and I could tell she sensed the story behind my words. Her eyes flitted to one of the scars on my neck so quickly that I barely caught the movement.

"It's a long story," I said, stuffing my hands into my pockets uncomfortably. "Maybe Alice can explain it to you."

She nodded. "It looks like they've found you a room," she said, pointing to where Alice had pranced into a room. "It was nice meeting you."

I nodded, and she disappeared. I nonchalantly walked to the room where Esme stood, talking to Alice. It was then that I realized the room they were occupying already had belongings in it.

"Alice," I scolded. "This obviously belongs to someone else already."

"But it's got the best view!" Alice protested.

"Oh, it's fine," Esme said, smiling brilliantly. "Edward won't mind."

Edward. Alice had explained him a few times. He was the only one without a mate. Alice _would_ pick his room.

"Carlisle, would you help me please," Esme called over the balcony down to what I was assuming was a living room.

Carlisle sauntered up the stairs at a human pace, and approached Esme. "Alice likes this one," she said.

"Then by all means, she can have it," Carlisle said. I already felt guilty. Alice (and me by association) was taking Edward's room, and he wasn't even here to protest. I made a mental note to apologize to him when he returned.

It took Esme and Carlisle the whole of ten minutes to clear the room completely and put Edward's things in the living room downstairs. I was finally alone with Alice in the empty room.

Alice was right. The far wall of the room was pretty much all window, and beyond them was a spectacular view of the mountains. I took her hand and pulled her in next to me.

"We did it," I whispered into her hair, and she sighed in relief.

"It's everything I ever imagined and more," Alice replied, looking back into the room. "We'll need a bed, though," she added.

For some stupid reason that is beyond me, I asked, "Why?"

She raised an eyebrow and shot lustful feelings at me.

"Oh," I said, and bashfully turned away from her. Yeah, _that_ would be a nice conversation with the Cullens- ' hey, can we borrow like, a hundred bucks. We've just been engaged, and we act like it, too.' Whoopee. Something to look forward to.

Alice's sight went blank with a vision, and then she turned to face me, smiling.

"Edward and Emmett are on their way!"


	23. Chapter 23: Brothers

_*Just for the record... I FUCKING LOVE EMMETT! He's like the brother I never had.*_

**Chapter 23**

**Brothers**

Alice took my hand and led me out of the room onto the catwalk leading to the stairs. She was practically dragging me as she skipped down the stairs. She stopped in the foyer just as I heard two pairs of footsteps coming up the porch outside. There was deep talking and laughing, too. I took a deep breath, and Alice hugged me closer.

"Something wrong?" I heard Esme ask from behind us.

"Oh no, not at all," Alice said, turning to face Esme and smile. "Emmett and Edward are home. I wanted to say hello."

"Oh," Esme said sweetly, but I could tell she was still getting used to Alice's premonitions.

The front door slid open, and I got my first view of what would become my brothers. On the left was the shorter boy; pale skin, as always, and bright bronze colored hair. He was muscular, but lean; probably about seventeen or eighteen when he was changed. The other was huge, to put it lightly. He was at least a few inches taller than the other, who I knew as Edward. The big one, Emmett, was smiling brightly, and his build would confuse anyone. He looked warm and welcoming, yet capable of dismantling a car in under two seconds. Both of them stopped dead when they caught sight of Alice and me.

"Edward, Emmett, this is Alice and Jasper. They're here to join our family," Esme said pleasantly, smiling and clapping her hands together once.

Edward's surprise went to shock as he saw my scars, then he smiled and held out a hand to me.

"Pleasure," I said, shaking his strong hand. I fought the urge to immediately apologize to him for taking his room.

His face went flat for a second, then he smiled at me. "It's alright. There was an ink stain on the carpet in there anyway," he said, and I was flabbergasted.

"Oh yeah," Alice said, turning to me. "I forgot to tell you… he reads minds."

"Right," I said, coming to terms with the fact that my mind was no longer just my own.

Edward smiled wider, obviously hearing that, too. He in turn shook Alice's very enthusiastic hand.

"How did you know that?" Edward asked her.

"I get visions of the future," she began. "I could kind of see it."

Edward raised his eyebrows in amusement. "Wow. I'll have to test that one some time."

"Feel free," Alice said, grinning.

Then Emmett stepped forward. I could tell by the way he moved- he was young. Not necessarily a newborn, but very young. I tensed automatically. He didn't even notice as he stepped forward, but Alice did. I felt her squeeze my hand reassuringly. Instead of shaking her hand, Emmett gave Alice a giant bear hug.

I silently wondered if he was part bear himself. Edward laughed.

Emmett turned to me, and my amusement at his form dissipated. His hand flew out to shake mine, and I jumped back a little and tensed. I didn't like when newborns reached for me. It was usually followed by a brutal bite. Emmett, however, smiled wider.

"Twitchy little devil, in't he?" Emmett said, facing Alice.

Alice nodded wholeheartedly.

I huffed a disappointed sigh at myself as I reached out my hand to shake his. His grip was incredibly powerful and it made me wonder if he was still within his first year.

"No," Edward said, and I looked at him, confused at first. I was definitely going to have to get used to that ability. "He's just very strong."

Emmett looked like he completely understood the silent conversation that had just occurred, as did Esme. Alice was only slightly lost.

"Your things are on the couch, Edward," Esme said, smiling guiltily at him. "Alice liked your view the best."

I looked at Edward apologetically again, and made an effort make my mental "sorry" very loud.

Edward nodded at me appreciatively, and thanked Esme.

I bowed to them, and backed toward the stairs. I just wanted to be alone with Alice for a little while. Apparently, she didn't get the hint.

"Where'd Rosalie go?" she asked, and within seconds Rosalie was at the bottom of the stairs behind us.

"Right here," she said.

"Wonderful!" Alice said. "I was wondering if you or Esme might have any clothes that would fit me. I've been in these for longer than I'd care to explain."

"I'm not sure either of our clothes will fit you," Esme said, sizing up Alice. "But you can certainly go buy some more! It's overcast right now, if you'd like to go now."

Inwardly I was screaming "no!" but on the outside, I appeared as calm as ever. Edward was the only one to look at me.

"I would love to!" Alice exclaimed, bouncing on her heels. "It wouldn't be a hassle, would it?"

"Certainly not," Carlisle answered. "You're part of the family now. Our money is yours."

Alice clapped her hands together, her face practically lighting up. I wanted to sigh, but I knew someone would notice. And as of now, Edward was the only one who knew I didn't want her to go. I was thankful he wasn't bringing it to anyone's attention.

"Do you want to come, Jazz?" Alice said, turning to me.

I grimaced. It wasn't that I didn't want to go… well it was… but on top of that I knew I would suffer through the entire thing.

"Oh," Alice said, her excited mood dying.

"Don't mind me," I said. "You go on. I'll stay here."

"You sure?" Alice asked, and I could tell the question went much deeper than the Cullens probably perceived. All except Edward, that is.

"Yes," I lied. "I'll be fine. You go shopping."

I didn't know why, but the thought of staying here without her terrified me.

"Alright, that settles that," Esme chimed. "We can take my car."

Together, Esme, Rosalie, and Alice headed through the dining room to where a door opened. Right before going through, Alice turned back to me, and I felt a twinge of regret from her. I merely smiled and forced her to be calm. I didn't want to ruin her new experiences with this family by my weakness. She had every right to go.

I turned back to face Edward and a widely smiling Emmett.

"Would you excuse me?" I said politely, and made every effort to not look desperate for solitude as I rocketed up the stairs and into the empty room that now belonged to Alice and me. I shoved my hands into my pockets as I stared out the window, pacing as I was already counting the seconds until she returned. It almost made me laugh; she hadn't even left the driveway yet. I fought the urge to run after her and never let her go.

After a few minutes of frantic isolation, I heard a polite knock on the open door behind me. I turned my head to see Edward's shining figure standing half in the door.

"I was wondering if you needed a distraction?" he said nicely, and I finally appreciated his gift.


	24. Chapter 24: Distraction

**Chapter 24**

**Distraction**

"She sees the future, huh?" Edward said, but it was more of a statement than a question. I followed as he lead me back downstairs for an as of yet unknown reason. "How does that work?"

"They're subjective," I answered as we passed a plaque of graduation caps. I made a mental note to inquire about those later. "The real strong ones just come to her. Others, she can try to see herself. But she can't see them unless the individual involved has made a definite decision. Last minute choices are hard for her to see."

"Hm," Edward replied, leading me past the dining room to the same door the three women had left through.

"I have an ability too, but it's not nearly as useful as hers," I said, looking around the laundry room we were now going through.

"Yeah, I saw that when Alice was leaving. Was that you distorting her emotions?" Edward asked, opening another door.

"Yes," I replied. I noticed he was leading me into a huge garage filled with several cars. "I sense and manipulate emotion."

"I could think of quite a few situations where that would be more useful than premonitions," Edward said, smiling at me.

We descended a few stairs into the garage, where I noticed Emmett standing in front of one of the cars. It was a 1930 Royal duPont G with a deep red finish. The silver grill and wheel wells shined so brightly that the lighting of the room caused them to cast reflections on the surrounding cars and walls. Of course, I knew nothing about cars at the time, so I didn't know how incredible such an automobile was.

"They finally started making them in colors in '26," Edward chimed, apparently gleaning my inherent stupidity when it came to cars from my thoughts.

But seriously, where would I have learned about cars? I had never needed to use one…

"This is Rosalie's, but the fanbelt's been giving her grief. What do you say we see what we can do?" Emmett said nicely, and I resolved myself to the fact that even though Emmett was young, I was going to like him. Thoroughly.

Emmett wrenched open the hood, his incredible strength almost denting the front.

"Careful," Edward chastised. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

"True," Emmett replied, laughing. "Rose would castrate me."

Edward laughed a loud busting snicker as he leaned in to examine the engine, and I merely watched. He reached into the engine, fidgeting with several things. I died to ask him how the whole thing worked, but I didn't think I would understand anyway.

"It's confusing, but you get the hang of it," Edward said, and I huffed. I had appreciated his earlier use of the ability, but it was slightly irritating.

"Sorry," he said, and I gave him an apologetic look. I hated him knowing every negative thought I had about everyone else. "I just kind of hear them all… I can't tune them out."

"That must be irritating," I said, stepping closer and peeking in to see what he was doing with the car.

He was removing a long, belt shaped object that I assumed was the fanbelt. It was covered in black, as were his previously spotless hands. He placed it on a workbench behind him.

"Some times more than others," he said, and tossed an annoyed glance at Emmett, who guffawed and shrugged. I could kind of guess what he was referring to. I sometimes had random thoughts about Alice that I would _definitely_ not want anyone to hear.

Edward smiled, but didn't bring up my previous thought.

"So where did you meet her?" Emmett asked as he handed Edward a clean, fresh-looking belt thing.

"Philadelphia," I replied. "It was a diner there. She had already started to feed on animal blood, that's probably why she could get away with it. Ever since her changing, she saw me walking into that diner, so she waited there, every night, for two years."

"Two years!" Emmett and Edward said at once, both pairs of eyebrows rising in sync.

"Yup," I said, taken aback by their gusto.

Edward nodded in approval as he turned back to the car and leaned in to assemble the new fanbelt into its spot. But there was something else from him that I recognized all too well. Loneliness.

"What about you?" I asked Emmett. Alice had explained that Rose was with Emmett when she had initially told me of the family, but not their whole story.

"I was out hunting, stupidly by myself," Emmett said, staring up at the ceiling in remembrance. "I shot a bear, but I was slightly off target, so all I did was make it angry. I tried to reload, but it came at me and attacked. That's the last thing I remember, but Carlisle and Edward have filled me in," he said, shoving Edward playfully, which caused him to stumble a little.

"Apparently she actually fought off the bear and carried me… what was it? Two hundred miles or something?" Emmett asked of Edward's hunched form.

"Yeah," he replied, his voice echoing from inside the engine.

"Well, she didn't think she'd be strong enough to avoid killing me, so she asked Carlisle to do it," he said, coming out of his reverie.

"Carlisle changed you?" I asked. Alice hadn't mentioned any of this.

"Yeah. He's changed everyone here," Emmett replied, smiling. "Edward was his first. Then Esme, bless her, and then Rose. The rest you know. What about you? You know your sire?"

My mind flashed vividly with memories of Maria, Nettie, and Lucy. Then the armies, then the killing.

Edward snapped up out of the car and his head bashed into the underside of the hood. The sound reverberated around the garage, as did Emmett's laughter at the sight. Edward was staring at me incredulously.

"You were a part of all that?" he asked, and Emmett looked slightly lost.

I bowed my head in shame. "So you've heard. Isn't it obvious?" I asked, pulling down the collar of my shirt farther to reveal more of the scars.

"Yes, the armies of the south are actually becoming myth up here," he said, and his stunned face vanished. "But no need to be ashamed. You didn't know such a life as this was possible."

"Thanks," I nodded at his reassurance, but didn't quite believe it.

Edward clapped his hands together and looked at Emmett. "I think that does it," he said, tossing a pair of keys at him. "Test it out."

Emmett walked over and sat in the driver's seat, which caused the car to rock back and forth. He started the car, and its quiet humming filled the garage.

"Perfect!" Edward called. "Shut 'er off."

The car died, and Emmett reappeared in front of the car. He stepped to where Edward was, and grabbed something from the engine, which he informed me was a "dipstick."

I nodded, not having any clue in hell what a "dipstick" was.

Edward laughed. "It checks the oil. Looks like it needs to be changed. That's something you can help us out with!"

I smiled and shrugged. "Sure," I said, and Edward smiled back.

"Emmett, would you do the honors?" he asked, and Emmett bent his knees and looped his hands under the front of the car, wrenching it up off the ground.

"Would you grab that tin pale, there, Jasper? And the wrench next to it?" Edward said as he slumped onto the ground and lay underneath the front.

I turned and grabbed the pale and wrench off of the workbench, and slid it under the car next to Edward.

"Hope you don't mind getting dirty," Emmett said, and ushered me under the car.

I lay on my back next to Edward, looking up at what looked like a twisted shotgun.

"Okay, oil is the blood of a car," Edward said, and I felt oddly at ease as he reached up and pointed to a plug. "It has to be changed regularly or it'll stop working. Kind of like drinking blood for us. And it does actually hurt the vehicle if it goes past when it should have been changed."

I doubted that.

"Yeah, not the same kind of pain. But anyway," Edward continued, and he grabbed the wrench, and placed it over the nut at the end of the plug. "Okay, could you put the pale under this?"

I dragged the tin pale under the plug and Edward heaved the wrench sideways, removing it. A thick black substance began to pour out.

"We should have driven it around a bit first to make the oil a little more thin, but we're both lazy," Edward said, and I laughed.

Time passed very quickly as I spent time with the two guys… as Emmett put it "manly men doin' manly things." We were still under the car, however, when the garage door opened and the Coup deVille drove in and parked. Three pairs of feet stepped out, one tiny pair that I knew all too well, one high-heeled pair, and the other I identified as Esme.

"I never thought I'd see the day," Alice joked, and Emmett laughed loudly, causing the car to shake in his grasp.

"Emmett, if you drop this car on me, I swear to God…" Edward threatened, and everyone laughed.

I never thought I would actually have a family again.


	25. Chapter 25: Esme's Epiphany

**Chapter 25**

**Esme's Epiphany**

"You smell," Alice said as I followed her into the house, my hands covered in oil, as well as my clothes.

"It's a good thing we got some things for him I guess, isn't it?" Esme asked, pointing to my shirt.

I raised an eyebrow at Alice as I headed past the dining room into a kitchen Esme pointed out. I began scrubbing oil from my arms, to little avail.

"I'm sorry Jazz, but you have horrible taste in fashion," Alice said, holding out a full bag, bearing the name of some random store.

"Oh God, you didn't let her pick them out, did you?" I asked sarcastically of Esme, and she laughed.

"She has very good taste," Esme said, and shook a scolding finger at me.

I smiled as I approached Alice and pulled her close for a simple kiss. It was simple, but certainly not lacking in passion. I was ecstatic to have her back. Her presence was a calming agent for me.

"Let's get you cleaned up," Alice said, and took me by the hand. She led me to the stairs but turned back to face the Cullens before ascending them.

"Thank you," she said, and the conviction in the statement was obvious, even to someone who couldn't sense it radiating from her. "For everything. I can't wait to spend my time with all of you."

Everyone smiled, including Carlisle, who had appeared from somewhere unseen.

Alice led me upstairs, but instead of straight into our room, she led me into a bathroom and turned on the faucet of the shower.

"Seriously. You smell," she said, and I laughed. I expected her to leave the clothes and let me be, but I should have guessed.

She began undressing as well.

"Alice!" I whispered skeptically. "We just got here! We can't… break in their house yet!"

"We don't have a bed yet. What do you expect from me? A very strange person once told me 'you overestimate my self control'," she said, a hand on her hip.

"You sly dog," I scolded, and she sauntered forward to kiss me as the room filled with steam.

Esme had been right; Alice had actually picked out some very nice (traditional) clothes for me. After we finished… showering, she gave me pick, and I decided to don a pair of black slacks and a navy button-up. Thankfully, she had kept my dislike of my scars in mind when she picked them out; most of them were high-necked. Alice put on a gorgeous slip-dress with swirling patterns and floral prints. I would never get over how incredibly stunning Alice always was.

For several days, the Cullens just let us be alone, getting used to our new life. They got us several things for the room, including a record player (which Alice was ecstatic about) and quite a few books, which I was excited about. I had kept myself so distanced from human society that my knowledge of them was almost moot, so I enjoyed catching up on history. Especially the wars. I hadn't even known that the south had lost the civil war.

And I was obsessed with art. I hadn't realized how many times art had been revolutionized since my human days. There was so much to see, and I reveled in the fact that I had eternity to see it.

I was sitting on a couch in the living room, reading Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck, with Hemmingway's To Have and Have Not waiting for me on the coffee table that my feet were perched on. I was so engrossed that I didn't realize Esme and Alice walk in.

I felt a slap on the back of my head, and my defensive instincts almost ignited. I turned my head to see Esme shaking a finger at me.

"Feet off the coffee table. That was a gift from Carlisle," she said, and I grinned as I pulled my feet down.

Alice plopped down on the couch next to me, playfully grabbing my book from my hands.

"Whatcha readin'?" she asked, turning the book so she could read the title. "Oh, how sophisticated."

I huffed a sigh and grabbed the book back. "Don't you have some member of the Cullen family to give fashion advice to?" I asked sarcastically.

"Our family, not the Cullen family," she corrected, and I shrugged. "And no, nobody will let me."

I laughed as I kissed her forehead.

"So Esme and I were just talking…" Alice began, but she trailed off, and it made me look back at her from my book.

"Well, she brought up the fact that I'm still only engaged," Alice said, obviously hinting at something I was missing. "She thought maybe we should actually have a ceremony."

_Oh._

"We'd obviously only have vampire guests," Esme chimed from a bay window to my left, where she was watering a pot of flowers. "Carlisle can perform the actual marriage."

I thought about it, and I could tell Alice was reading my every change of expression. "Well, why not?" I said, and Alice threw her arms around me, squealing.

Esme giggled at her from the window. "Just family, then?" she asked.

"You can invite whomever you like," I said to both Alice and Esme.

Alice's face went flat with astonishment, but I could tell it wasn't actually a vision. I was getting better at distinguishing visions from just plain bewilderment.

"What?" I asked, and her flat lips began to pull slowly into a smile.

"I get to shop for a _wedding dress!_" she said, clapping her hands together, and I couldn't help but laugh.


	26. Chapter 26: Planning

**Chapter 26**

**Planning**

Everyone was excited. All but one, I noticed. Edward was always smiling when he talked to us about it, but that feeling of loneliness that I had sensed from him a few days earlier was steadily growing. I knew how he felt, so I did my best not to make him feel worse. But it was quite difficult when Alice wouldn't stop twittering about it.

Alice acted like she had grown up with this family; she already treated them like it. And they all reciprocated. I knew how addicting Alice's positive attitude was, so I couldn't help but grin every time one of them would smile while she talked, or laugh when she skipped around. They already loved her, and she kept telling me they loved me too. But I could tell that they weren't as comfortable with me. I knew they would probably be more at ease if they knew the story behind the scars, but I wasn't quite ready to disclose that information with them. Of course Edward knew, but he was very responsible with his ability. He didn't tell anyone my thoughts unless I wanted him to. We had actually become quite close since I knew he already understood me.

We stayed at the house and made wedding packages while Rose, Esme, and Alice went out to shop for a dress. Emmett wasn't very good at putting the rice in the small bags; he could never resist throwing a few pieces into Edward's hair. Edward eventually made him leave to set up the gazebo in the back yard. I hadn't shared my desire to get married here with Alice, but thankfully she shared the same wishes. I was glad that the group would be very small; the Cullens and another group of vampires that Edward had explained as "close family friends." I didn't care. As long as there wouldn't be any humans. I didn't want to eat any of our guests while Alice was taking her vows.

_Shit._ Vows.

I asked Edward what he would say, and he just laughed at me, so I had to ask Carlisle and Emmett. Carlisle's advice was very useful. I couldn't say the same about Emmett's. He kept giving me very inappropriate vows to take, and once I actually punched him in the shoulder for one of his most crude remarks. Of course, the punch barely fazed him.

When the girls got home, they made me hide in the living room so that I wouldn't see them bringing in the dress. I was able to think about things while Alice giggled and ran upstairs. It seemed a little strange, all these human traditions that we were going through for the wedding. I hadn't _acted_ human since I _was_ human. Now I was getting a crash course.

Then it was time for _me_ to go shopping for a tux. Edward's wasn't tall enough for my monkey arms and legs, and Emmett's looked like a five year old wearing his father's suit. Carlisle's almost fit, but it was a little big in some areas. So of course, I had to go try some on. I disliked the idea of them spending any money on me when they hardly knew me, but Edward assured me that money wasn't an issue.

We took Edward's car, which I hadn't seen yet except for a brief glance in the garage. It was a 1932 Cadillac V-8. Keep in mind, after the depression started in the 20s, it was rare for someone to have a car as nice as the Cadillac, not to mention several of them. But Edward acted like it was just a machine as he drove Emmett and I into town. Of course, I knew little about cars at the time too, but Emmett explained to me how rare such a car was. Emmett had insisted on going, I have absolutely no idea why. Edward gave me a few pointers on how to drive, and I tried my hardest to retain everything. I made a mental note to learn later on.

When we got closer to town, my dread became ever worse. I could smell them already, and I was already starting to feel that burning pain in my throat. I had fed recently, but it still didn't help me much. I knew Edward could tell, but he didn't bring it up. He would only bring it up if I got out of control.

As we drove farther into the city, I became so anxious that I was actually fidgeting. I knew that the farther we got into the city, the farther I would have to run if I snapped. And I knew that possibility was very high. I had a hard enough time avoiding attacking them as it was, but the chances that not a single person would be bleeding were very slim. Even a paper cut would do it, and I couldn't help but wonder what would happen to the Cullens if…

Edward slapped a hand on my shoulder to distract me from such thoughts as he parked the car in front of a shop. I nodded in thanks, and he nodded in return, Emmett missing the entire exchange.

When we walked into the store, I forced myself to stop breathing. I knew people might notice, but I didn't care. I had to keep myself under control, and that was the only way. A man greeted us, and Edward did all the talking. Hopefully, the man just thought I was terribly shy. He led us back where there was a whole rack of suits, and he let us peruse through them.

"You doing okay?" Edward asked, and I nodded so that I wouldn't have to intake a breath to speak.

"He didn't notice that you weren't breathing, but you're going to have to if he comes back," Edward said, and his face was distorted in apology. I merely nodded.

Emmett picked out a brilliant blue one and held it up, pointing and nodding enthusiastically. I scrunched my face in disgust and shoved him. Edward laughed.

"Come on, Emmett," Edward said, laughing slightly. "Be serious."

"I am serious," Emmett said, though I could tell he wasn't. "You would be so _dashing._"

I shoved him again and kept looking. Edward had gotten my measurements before we left the house, and he picked out several in my size.

I tried several on, all of which were too short on my limbs, or too big everywhere else. But I eventually found one that seemed perfect. I stepped out of the dressing room to show Edward and Emmett, and Emmett whistled.

"Man, _I'd_ marry you," he joked, and Edward shoved him again.

"How's it fit?" Edward asked.

We had formed a way of communicating silently as long as there weren't any humans around to realize he was holding an apparent conversation with himself. I still hadn't taken a breath since we arrived, and I was very glad that I wasn't having to.

I thought my answer, and he stepped forward to look at the tux. "Turn around," he said, and I did so. He examined the tail of the coat and turned me around again.

One of the employees came back then, looking at the coat. I grimaced. Hopefully I could hold my breath a little longer until the man noticed.

"Well, that one fit's rather well!" the man said, stepping forward and examining the coat. Edward tensed as he watched me grit my teeth and lean away from the man, who's name tag read Mitchell. Mitchell walked in between Edward and I to examine the suit farther, and Edward caught my attention with a wave. His face was terribly apologetic as he formed silent words so that I could read his lips.

They said, "You need to breathe, he's noticing."

I panicked, and I knew he could hear it in my thoughts. I thought back to the store in Iowa, where I was able to handle the clothing store's clerk, and the woman in the jewelry store. I could do this.

I took a very shallow breath, and I immediately stiffened. My throat burned red hot, and I turned my face away from the man, hoping to dilute the smell a little. It didn't.

Edward was tapping his fingers frantically on a half-wall he was leaning against. He watched my every move, tossing me emotions of reassurance, but I could feel his underlying panic.

"Oh, the cuffs seem rather large," Mitchell said, and reached toward me. I was screaming inside as his hand reached the cuff, pulling it together. "Do you have cuff links already, or would you like to see some?"

It was then that the man's skin touched mine, and I could feel his heartbeat race over the surface of my skin. My throat seared and I clenched my jaw so tightly I swear I broke a few teeth. My hands were actually shaking as I tried to focus on anything but the heartbeat. Voices around the store, memories of Alice's laugh, anything. Nothing was working.

"Uhhh, yes!" Edward said frenetically, stepping forward and (quite rudely) shoving between the man and me so that the skin contact was broken. The man gave Edward a chastising glare. "Yes, we have some, thank you," Edward finished, smiling. I could still feel his raging panic.

The man tossed Edward a damaged expression and walked away. I immediately stopped breathing.

"You're doing great," Edward said, and laid a hand on my shoulder. I nodded, and then Emmett clapped a hand on my shoulder as well, all joking attitude gone.

"So, you think that one'll work?" Emmett asked, his usual boisterous voice much quieter now.

I nodded, turning to look in a mirror. I had to admit, I did look good.

"You look very dapper," Emmett continued, and his joking tone was back. I finally appreciated it for once.

I returned to the dressing room, where I took a moment to compose myself before getting re-dressed in my other clothes. When I exited the dressing room, Mitchell was back. I rolled my eyes toward Edward, and he tossed me another apologetic glance.

"Will that one work for you then, sir?" he asked nicely, apparently disliking Edward but not me.

I knew if I just nodded, he might find it strange, so I took a very shallow breath. The burning returned, and I blinked a few times to fight it back.

"Yes, I think so," I said, and Mitchell smiled.

"Perfect, let me just bag that up for you!" he said. He reached out to grab it and I couldn't stop him from grazing my hands again. His eyes narrowed at how cold they were, but at the moment, I didn't care.

I was past fighting it. Now I was resolving myself to the fact that I was probably going to bite him. Within a few seconds, I knew it would happen. In front of all the other customers.

Edward kicked my shin as the man turned his back to head to the register.

"Go," Edward hissed. "We've got this, just get out." I nodded.

I made a b-line for the front door. I made every effort to go at a human speed, but I'm sure I was still moving too fast for humans to perceive as normal.

I paced outside, trying to calm myself. I had worked myself into such a frenzy in there that I was sure I would pounce on the next person to pass me. Thankfully Edward and Emmett were the first to exit the store.

Edward threw the bag into the car, then approached me. He grabbed both my shoulders, holding me still a foot away from him. "You did great, okay?" he said, staring me in the eyes. I knew he could tell how absolutely disappointed in myself I was, even though I hadn't harmed anyone.

"That's right, you didn't harm anyone," he said, and led me back to the car.

I merely nodded and plopped down in the passenger seat. The other two climbed into the car, and Edward began driving. I breathed in as much exhaust as possible to clear my senses of the human scent.

Emmett leaned forward from the back seat. "Mazel tav," he said, and I let out a hysterical laugh.


	27. Chapter 27: The Denali Coven

**Chapter 27**

**The Denali Coven**

I didn't really speak much on the rest of the ride home. I was terribly upset with myself. Edward kept tossing me glances, reminding me that I hadn't acted on my instincts, but I ignored them. I just let the wind from the overcast day whip my hair around as I stared at the passing trees and homes.

When we pulled up to the house, Edward opened the garage, and a surprising sight met my eyes. Alice was standing by the door that led into the house, her hands clasped together anxiously. As soon as I stepped out of the car, her arms were around me.

"I'm so proud of you," she said, hugging me closer. "I saw him touch you, and I just knew… but you were so strong, Jasper."

I sighed. She could feel my tension.

"Jasper, you were amazing," she said, pulling away from me and looking me in the eyes. I could tell she was confused by my disappointment.

"I just…" I was about to say 'hate being weak', but she never let me call myself weak, so I kept it to myself. She just hugged me tighter and walked me inside.

"Look!" Alice said, tossing a finger out to point out the back patio doors.

There was a pure white gazebo out back lined with white orchids. There weren't any chairs set up, but there was a makeshift aisle made of some kind of runner.

"Uh," I began. "When exactly are we planning on doing this?"

"Sometime this week, maybe," Esme replied. "We obviously don't have to do as much preparation as humans do with their weddings," she finished, walking around a corner and out of sight.

"I see," I said, and I became a bit frightened at the nearness of it. A purely human reaction, I noted.

"We're going to have some guests this afternoon," Esme called, from somewhere unseen. I gleaned from the way the sound bounced from the walls that it was coming from the kitchen.

I walked in, carrying the large black bag that held my tux. "What kind of guests?"

She looked up from the sink, where she was pouring water into a vase of lilacs. "It's another coven that lives up here. They're like us; in diet, I mean. They're quite close friends of mine and Carlisle's, and they were ecstatic about attending a wedding. They attended Emmett's and Rosalie's."

Emmett hadn't mentioned he'd actually had a ceremony. But when I thought about Rosalie's personality, it didn't surprise me.

"The more the merrier," I said, and smiled at her.

She returned the gesture, then approached me and grabbed the bottom of the bag, pulling it up.

"Oh, it's perfect!" she exclaimed, running her extremely effeminate fingers over the fabric.

"Glad you like it," I said, and when she looked back up at me, her face called back a memory I couldn't recall. It was something very warm and comforting, but I couldn't place it. "I just hope Alice likes it."

"I'm sure you could be naked and she wouldn't care," Emmett's booming voice said as he entered the kitchen behind me. "Actually, she might prefer it that way."

"Aha, your funny," Alice's tiny voice said as she entered and slapped Emmett's arm.

Alice wrapped her arm around me again, and Esme smiled at the sight.

For a few hours, I went and organized our bedroom; hung my tux in the closet, went through the records and organized them. I came across a record that seemed familiar, and I threw it onto the record player, placing the tone arm onto the record. It let loose a moan of static before catching.

I was so engrossed in the piano interpretation of Bach that I actually jumped when Alice's hand touched my shoulder.

"Easy, tiger," she joked, and I leaned my head onto her hand. She plopped onto the floor next to me.

"Whatcha doing?" Alice asked, leaving her hand perched on my shoulder.

"Well, I _was_ alphabetizing the records, but as you can see, I got distracted," I said, and she grinned.

She listened to the music until the notes died down. "The Denali Coven is on their way," she whispered, so low that no human ears would have detected it.

"Alright," I replied, and leaned over to kiss her. She kissed me back, but the emotions coming from her were strange… was it… pity? I didn't bring it up because I knew what she was thinking about. She hated that, even though I hadn't hurt anyone, I was still beating myself up for what happened in town.

Instead, I took out my own self-loathing on her, kissing her perhaps more violently than necessary. She was surprised, but not alarmed. She merely leaned back onto the wood paneled flooring, grabbing the collar of my shirt and pulling me with her.

"I can't… believe… I'm getting… married," she said between kisses.

"Surreal, isn't it?" I asked, pulling away from the kiss and looking in her eyes.

"Not really…" she said, pecking a kiss on my lips again. "I just never thought _I_ would get someone like _you._"

"Don't be ridiculous," I said, and she grinned. "If anyone in this relationship doesn't deserve the other, it's me."

I heard footsteps outside the door, and then someone exaggeratedly cleared their throat. Both Alice and I looked sideways to see Rosalie standing in the door, grinning at how seductively tangled we were.

"Let's face it Rose," Alice said, a hand tangling in my hair. "This probably isn't the worst thing you're going to catch us doing."

I dropped my head in embarrassment, and Rosalie laughed at Alice.

It was then that I heard the doorbell ring, and theatrically groaned as Alice pushed me off so she could get up.

"Come on," she said, helping me to my feet. "Let's go meet our witnesses."

We walked downstairs, Alice in a pure black cocktail dress and me in my black slacks and a white button-up. I'm sure we looked quite the conservative little couple. I just hoped the Denalis had been forewarned about my scars.

When we reached the bottom of the stairs, Rosalie opened the door. Five well-dressed and golden eyed vampires stood before us. The one vampire who was standing in front of the others was a tall strawberry blonde who was smiling wide at the sight of Rosalie. The rest I couldn't see just yet.

"Tanya!" Rosalie said delightedly, and they hugged tightly as our guests stepped inside. There were two right behind Tanya, a male and a female. Behind them were two other females.

Rosalie turned to face us. "Tanya, this is Alice and Jasper, the soon-to-be."

Tanya shook both our hands in turn, then stepped aside so we could be acquainted with the others. The male had a concentrated expression as he stepped toward Alice.

"Premonitions of the future… useful," he said, and Alice looked thoroughly taken aback. "I can vaguely sense other vampires' abilities," he continued.

"Ah, I see," Alice replied, her smile returning as she shook his slightly darker hand.

"I'm Eleazar," he said. "This is my mate Carmen." He pulled forward the woman who was standing slightly behind him. Alice shook her hand.

Eleazar turned to me, and raised an eyebrow. "It seems you have quite a family of talented vampires going here, Esme," he said as he took my hand.

I realized Esme was standing behind Alice and I, and she smiled at Eleazar's comment.

Eleazar pulled the other two women from behind him. "This is Irina," he said, and we both shook her hand. "And this is Kate."

I reached out to shake the blonde woman's hand, but Alice's hand flew up and stopped me.

"Don't you dare," Alice said to Kate, and the threatening tone in her voice made me stare at her.

Kate's face wasn't menacing at all. On the contrary, it was actually bashful. "No offense meant, I just thought I would share _my_ ability with you. You obviously already figured it out."

Alice's smile returned, but she still tossed Kate a thin stare as they shook hands.

"_Kate,_" Eleazar scolded, and she bowed her head in slight shame.

"Pardon my confusion, but what _is_ your ability?" I asked, not scared in the least. I was sure I'd had worse.

"It's an electric current that can floor pretty much any vampire," she said nonchalantly.

I wondered if she could hurt the rock that was called Emmett.

"Yes, she can," Edward's voice came as he approached from the living room to the right.

Everyone seemed to ignore his seemingly random statement as they turned to exchange hellos.

"Well," Esme said, catching everyone's attention. "We have a lot to catch up on. Why don't we all have a seat?" She ushered all the guests into the sitting room, and I finally realized what she was reminding me of… or rather _who._

My human mother.


	28. Chapter 28:Bachelor Party

_*I've gotten a lot of reviews asking when the wedding will be, it's chapter 29. So hold on to your hats!*_

**Chapter 28**

**Bachelor Party**

We spoke with the Denali coven for quite a few hours, getting to know them; who had mates (which was only Eleazar), and who didn't. We spoke about their reasons for choosing the diet of animal blood, their family history, Alice's and my talents; pretty much every topic under the sun. When the conversation slowed, the sun was well past setting.

"Well," Esme said, exhaling a joyful sigh. "I'm going to let these two lovebirds retire."

Alice smiled at Esme and thanked everyone for coming. There was brief throwing around of dates for the actual ceremony, but nothing concrete was set. The Denalis were staying until the ceremony, and they wanted to be the smallest bother as possible. Of course, Esme went on a rampage about how little trouble it was.

When Alice and I finally reached our room, it was past midnight. Not that we had a bedtime, or anything. But of course, Alice had to leave me again.

"Oh!" she said, holding a finger up. "I have to talk to Rose about something."

I groaned, and held fast to her wrist.

"Oh, quit being a baby," she said, kissing me simply on the cheek. "I'll be right back."

She skipped out, and not seconds later Emmett poked his head around the corner.

"Hey champ," he said, and I fought the urge to shut the door in his face. Not sure why…

"Guess what," he said, walking further into the room.

"I despise guessing games," I said, rolling my eyes at him.

"Rosalie is throwing a bachelorette party for Alice tomorrow…" he trailed off, and the light went on in my head.

Now I knew why I'd felt like shutting the door. "Oh no. No, no, no. I am _not_ having a bachelor party," I said, trying to give as much authority to it as possible.

"Oh yes you are. And if you keep complaining I'll get you a stripper. A human one," he said, and I punched his arm.

"You would condemn the poor woman to death just to get two seconds of enjoyment out of it?" I asked, tossing a few of the records I had left out into the bookshelf.

"Maybe," he said, pretending to consider.

"But seriously," I continued. "Alice can have her little party if she wants to, but I am _not._"

"I wouldn't argue with him," Alice said, and I noticed she was standing in the door behind him. "It's futile. I've seen it. He's gunna tackle you until you cave. And babe… it's Emmett… you _will_ cave."

I muttered under my breath, "I'd like to see him try."

"You don't think I could take you?" Emmett asked, throwing random punches in my direction.

"I think I've had over seventy years of fighting vampires, and you're practically a newborn," I said, and Emmett frowned theatrically.

"What exactly do vampires do at a bachelor party, anyway?" I asked. Most of the things men would do didn't apply to me; boozing it up (which actually the thought of drinking alcohol made me gag), and women. The only woman I wanted I was getting married to. "Isn't the point of a bachelor party to bid farewell to being single? I can't wait to not be…" I continued.

"Well, when Rose and I had a ceremony, Edward, Carlisle and I all went on a hunt. It was kind of a game. Whoever brought back the biggest catch won," Emmett said.

"Won what?" I asked, and Emmett looked stumped.

"I dunno… they just won," he said, and I laughed. "I'll make preparations then," he said, and I sighed in defeat. Emmett turned out of the room and called for Edward.

"So," I began, pulling Alice into me. "What are _you_ going to do at _your_ party?"

She grinned. "Well, since I uh… have an easier time with humans, all the ladies are taking me out. We're going to go dancing. Like, ballroom… not club," she corrected, grinning sheepishly.

"Dancing, huh?" I asked, taking her left hand in my right and snaking my left hand behind her waist. I channeled some information I hadn't touched since I was human and tried to pull the spider webs off of it. I faux-waltzed with her, pulling her feet up off the ground until she squealed.

"Put me down!" she squeaked. I laughed as I put her down again.

"Have you chosen your best man yet?" she asked, and I froze. She laughed at my flat face. "You haven't, have you?"

"I hadn't even thought of it… have you chosen your maid of honor?" I said, stumped on whom to choose as my best man.

"Yes, I think it's gunna be Rosalie. I _adore_ Esme, don't get me wrong. But she's supposed to be my adoptive mother… and it just felt strange. Rosalie's more like a sister to me," Alice finished, fishing through the closet. Through my clothes, I noticed.

She pulled out a nice outfit for me and laid it across a chair Esme had set next to our bookcase.

"We're going tomorrow evening," she said. "That's probably when you can um… get your groove on with the guys."

I laughed, and pulled her into me again, this time placing my face mere centimeters from hers. I held her tightly with both arms wrapped around her small back. "When I was human, I used to believe that every person was born for a specific purpose. When I was changed I thought all purpose in my life was lost. Now it's all falling into place."

She grinned and kissed my lips fervently. "Me too."

She then grabbed the collar of my shirt, walking backwards and pulling me with her. She finally reached the door and, without tearing her gaze from mine, kicked the door closed. She grinned as she stood on her toes and snaked her arms around my neck. "We wouldn't want to hurt Rosalie's poor eyes again, would we?" she said, grinning as she kissed me.

"But darling, I thought this was supposed to wait 'til the honeymoon," I said, kissing her back.

"Oh beloved, we broke that rule a _long_ time ago," she said, and we both laughed as we fell to the floor in a tangle.

The next evening was a bustle of chaos in the Cullen home. Even though we are quite lithe and agile, eleven vampires can't really maneuver very well in a single house. All the girls were bustling around getting ready to go dancing, and all the guys were… well, trying to stay out of their way (and failing miserably). But within half an hour, the girls were packing into Esme's and Rosalie's cars, waving ardently.

"Ten bucks says somebody makes a fool of themselves," Emmett whispered to Edward, and Edward fished through his pocket to grab a ten.

"You're on."

"Well," Carlisle began, clapping a hand on my shoulder. I groaned, and him, my two foster brothers, and Eleazar all escorted me back into the house.

"I mentioned to him earlier the hunt we did at my bachelor party," Emmett said to Carlisle.

"It's up to him," Carlisle said, turning to me.

"Oh, no. I didn't even want to have this thing. You decide what to do with me," I said bashfully.

"Carlisle, you do have a pool table downstairs, don't you?" Eleazar said, and I finally realized he bore some kind of accent.

"Yes, yes we do. What of it?" Carlisle responded.

Eleazar thought for a moment. "Well, in all my years, I've come across one human pastime that I actually still love to indulge in."

So, talking amongst ourselves, all five of us were in the Cullen's basement, puffing on Spanish cigars (provided by Eleazar) and shooting every form of pool game imaginable. Within an hour, it looked like Mt. Vesuvius' smoke clouds had gathered inches below the ceiling.

Smoking wasn't something I would ever indulge in again, for the burning it created at the back of my throat was slightly reminiscent of thirst, but the flavored cigars Eleazar gave us made up for it. It was strange to taste something as simple as cherry flavor, and actually dislike it. Keep in mind; at that time I hadn't even touched a scrap of human food since my human days.

It was nearing midnight when our festivities began to slow. Carlisle and I were playing a game of pool while Edward and Emmett were shooting darts at a dartboard. Emmett was almost disqualified several times for actually throwing the darts _through_ the board and into the wall behind it. Eleazar was perched on a barstool, puffing away at a new cigar. I had only had the one, and I didn't understand how he enjoyed them so. It must have been an acquired taste.

I was shooting for my last solid ball when I heard a slight creaking above me, which signified that someone was walking upstairs.

"I didn't even hear them," I said, and shot. I missed. When I looked up, Edward looked like he was trying to hold back a hysterical grin. I didn't think my awful pool skills were _that_ funny. I soon realized that it wasn't my inability to shoot pool that he was trying not to laugh at.

Someone came sauntering down the stairs, and I heard an obviously fabricated police siren from the top of the stairs. As soon as I got a good view, I swear I actually blushed.

It was Alice, decked out in a skimpy police officer's outfit, complete with whip and nightstick. All the men in the room died into hysterics, and I slammed a hand on my face in embarrassment.

"Hands in the air boys, you're all getting frisked," Alice said, but her smile gave her away.

Emmett's booming laughter filled the room. "Did Rose tell you to say that?"

Officer Alice's charade collapsed, and she nodded excitedly. Emmett laughed harder. That's when Alice ambled over to me, shoving me backwards onto one of the barstools. However, I couldn't see her delighted little face because I was still covering mine with a humiliated hand. I could hear the elated voices of the rest of the girls coming down into the basement, but I didn't lift my hand. Then Alice crawled into my lap.

I let out a frenetic giggle as she laid her nightstick on my chest. "You're gunna have to come down to the station with me, sir. You're under arrest for being too damn sexy," she said, pouting out her lower lip.

I laughed then, and she crawled off, probably aware of how uncomfortable I was with open sexuality.

"You like it?" Alice chimed, to no one in particular, twirling around like a five year old in a new Sunday dress.

"Where on earth did you find this?" Emmett asked, looking her over (which made me somehow very jealous).

"Oh this little place," Alice said, and I could tell there was secrecy behind her words. Edward laughed, and my suspicions were confirmed. "Don't you say anything!" she said, poking Edward.

The rest of the women joined us then, gloating over Alice's costume, and commenting on our games. We gave them our scores, and they joined the festivities like they'd never left.

It was nearly three in the morning when everything slowed. Esme informed everyone that she had some planning to do; apparently they were going out to find bridesmaids dresses, and arrangements needed making. She was quickly followed by the other girls, who claimed they were going to help Alice out of her tight-fitting leather cop outfit.

Soon, all that was left was Edward and myself. I helped him brush the chalk from the pool table, throw the fleece cover over it, and hang up the pool sticks.

"I see Emmett took darts a little too seriously," I pointed out, looking at the riddled dartboard.

"Oh yeah," Edward said, setting the pool chalk onto a small table. "He just likes showing off. He knows he's stronger than all of us."

My inner military man was analyzing Emmett's fighting skills. Were he part of my army, he would have been perfect. Yes, he depended on his strength, but that's just what we would have needed. Someone who was _not_ a newborn that _fights_ like one. But then again, when would his usefulness have run out for Maria? And I would have had to kill him…

Edward slapped a hand on my back, pulling me from that last disturbing thought.

"You look like you've just seen a ghost," Edward said. "So-to-speak. Don't think about it. That part of your life is over."

There was so much conviction in his words that I couldn't help but smile. "Thank you, Edward."

He nodded. We finished cleaning up the basement, and just before we headed upstairs, I stopped him.

"Listen, I really appreciate how well you and your family have received us. You especially, for your discretion with hearing my thoughts," I said, and he nodded, waiting for me to go on.

"Well," I said. "I kind of feel the closest to you, since I can't really hide anything," I paused, grinning so he would know that it didn't bother me. "And I was wondering if you would be my best man?"

Edward beamed very wide, and the smile made me wonder why he hadn't found a mate yet.

"I would be delighted," he said, and we walked upstairs into the pre-wedding mayhem.


	29. Finale: Fortunatus Exitus

**Chapter 29**

**Fortunatus Exitus**

For several days, the Cullen home was a bustle of activity. The girls took several days to find bridesmaids dresses that were satisfactory, and Eleazar had to go out and get a tux. Alice helped decorate, and by the end of the week, the house wasn't recognizable.

It was covered in white orchids and flowing white tapestries. I expressed (many times) that they didn't have to go through all that trouble, but they wanted to. And then there was discussion of wedding gifts, which I wouldn't hear of. Their taking us into their home and family was gift enough. Of course, Esme wouldn't have it. She said they were going to have a "proper wedding" even if it killed me. Again, ironic statement.

When the day of the wedding finally rolled around, I couldn't wait. I just wanted to be able to call her mine. Not in a possessive way, but in a she'll-always-be-with-me kind of way. It seems rather selfish, my reasons for wanting her. She completed me in every way. And I couldn't… _wouldn't _live without her. I felt oddly guilty about wanting her so badly, but she kept informing me that that's what love is. Again, I had a lot to learn about that specific emotion. And I was looking forward to letting her teach me for the rest of eternity.

It turned out to be a sunny day, which most people would be ecstatic about. I, however, had never become completely comfortable with sunlight. After spending nearly a century in darkness, you would too. Either way, the sun poured through the window of Alice's and my bedroom while Edward pinned the cuffs of my tux and Emmett fastened the red cummerbund.

"Nervous?" Edward asked, centering his own tie as he straightened.

"Not really," I replied. "It's not like she's going to get cold feet."

"OH! Good one!" Emmett jeered, and I laughed at him. His booming voice always managed to cheer me up, even when I didn't need it.

"Have you and Alice talked about a honeymoon?" Edward asked, straightening my tie.

"We've skirted the topic. Both of us prefer not to go anywhere. Obviously I can't really go anywhere where there are humans, and she's spent almost all of her life dreaming of coming here. She doesn't really want to leave now."

"I see," Edward replied. "Well my friend, you look fit to be a king."

I turned to look into the mirror and was actually impressed. With most of my scars hidden, I did look rather good.

"Alright, let me see the lucky man," Esme's voice said from the door, and I turned to face her. She took a sharp inhale of breath.

"My, my. Don't you look handsome!" she said, walking forward. I smiled as she smoothed the sides of the tux. "Let's see what we can do with your hair, shall we? Edward, Emmett, Carlisle and Eleazar need you downstairs."

My two foster brothers nodded and clapped my shoulders as they left the room. Esme smiled warmly at me.

"You should see Alice," she said, turning me back around so I was facing the mirror. I had already finger combed my hair, but she began to style it better than I ever could. "She's as giddy a schoolgirl."

"Well, I'm glad. This is all for her. I'd be happy wearing a paper bag and living in a trash bin as long as she was there," I said, watching her part my blonde hair.

"Oh, you have to admit you're still excited, though. Just a little?" Esme said, looking at her work in the mirror.

I grinned. "Yeah, just a little."

Esme worked in silence for a little while, and I began to understand why Carlisle always looked so good. He had Esme.

Ten minutes later, I was in the foyer hearing a great deal of praise and excitement from everyone. Everyone except Alice, that is. Again, Esme was sticking to the tradition of the groom not seeing the bride in her dress. But I didn't care. Just the thought of "Alice" and "bride" made me grin.

Five minutes after that, we were all in place out in the back yard. Everyone's skin was glowing brilliantly, and I had to admit this had to be the most beautiful wedding in the history of all matrimony. Of course, I hadn't seen Alice yet, so I didn't know at the time just how beautiful this afternoon would turn out to be.

Carlisle, Edward and I were all standing inside the orchid-coated gazebo, while Esme, Tanya, Kate, Irina, Carmen, and Emmett stood on either side of the aisle where Alice would eventually walk. They had seen no use in chairs, for we could stand for years and not get tired.

All the bridesmaids (which was actually every female present) were in a very tasteful deep maroon dress that fell to the ground in beautiful cascading ripples. They were low cut in the front, and the thin straps that wound over their shoulders were topped with small elegant bows. Most of them wore their hair back in some kind of up do, but Esme and Carmen let their hair flow down their backs in tight ringlets. However, I didn't get to ogle over them for long. Alice caught my attention, as she always successfully did whenever she was in the same vicinity as me.

She was standing on the back porch, just beyond the three stairs she would have to descend to reach the aisle. Of course, with the sun glancing off her skin as if through a prism, she would have been better suited standing on a cloud with wings protruding from her back. Her dress was strapless, and it hugged her upper body very gracefully. At the hip, the fabric was gathered to one side under a white satin bow, and allowed to flow down over the other side in eloquent bunches. Below that was some kind of mesh fabric, which cascaded over her feet like waves in the wind. There were elbow-length white satin gloves on her arms, and grasped tightly in them was a batch of white gardenias. She bore a veil on her head; the top was a gold ring, from which flowed the lace curtain that half shrouded her face. Attached to the ring were several bunches of glittering baby's breath, but of course they paled in comparison to her skin. Attaching the baby's breath were a few holly berries, which accented her pure white skin with stunning radiance.

I have never lost control of my ability. No one around me had ever felt any emotion that I didn't want them to feel. But at that moment, it happened. Most of the spectators seemed rather confused, but they soon understood the sheer joy and shock was all my own. Edward grinned at me from the corner of my field of vision, which stopped the loosing of emotions on my witnesses, but it didn't tear my eyes from Alice.

It seemed like time had slowed to a creep as I watched Alice descend the stairs flawlessly and begin her march down the aisle. Rosalie accompanied her from behind, smiling widely. For once, Alice's beauty outshined Rosalie's by far.

When she finally reached me, I was stunned into a lifeless state. She smiled at me, and I almost gasped. I hadn't thought she could get any more beautiful, but she had just managed. She took my hands and Carlisle began speaking. I, on the other hand, didn't hear any of his words. He could have been speaking Portuguese for all the good it did. All of my senses, including my sixth, were tuned on the incredible woman before me. And she seemed to do the same as she stared right into my eyes, as if into my (debatably existent) soul.

I finally tuned into Carlisle's words as he said, "Jasper, you may take your vows."

I would have thought my memory would fail me as I stared at her. On the contrary, it did quite the opposite. As I stared at her, my promises to her became clearer than spring water on a sunny day.

"Alice," I began, and my voice was unbreakable. "No harm will ever come to you. Not from me, not from anyone else. Not while I walk this earth. No word or action of mine will ever hurt you. Every day I live shall be spent trying to become the man you deserve. And you will never be lonely, for I will there, by your side, if ever you need me. I will give you anything you desire, all you need do is ask it of me. This I promise, until the sun swallows this great planet."

Alice's smile widened, and the warmth resonating from her seemed to be coming straight from the heart.

"Alice, you may take your vows," Carlisle said, the smile evident in his voice.

She didn't miss a beat. "For you, Jasper, I shall be as the North Star, Polaris. I will be ever strong, ever consistent, and I will always be in the same place if ever you need me; right by your side, guiding your way in darkness. If ever you feel lost or misguided, look to me and I will support you with every fiber of my being. You needn't ever look to any other, for I will never falter in my absolute and eternal devotion."

Carlisle began again, but again I had tuned him out. All I heard was Alice's sweet words reverberating around inside my skull. I just stared at her, like I had never seen the sky before. She was the most amazing woman in the world, and in a few moments she would be _mine._ It was confusing to me, in a way. All my existence, I had been valued for my skills in the military, or my fighting dexterity. But Alice… Alice valued me, and only me. I just couldn't believe I'd found something so true.

But Carlisle made me believe as he finally said the words I'd been waiting for almost a century to hear. "You may kiss your bride."

I was sure my hands would shake when I reached up to move her veil, but they were steady as a rock. She was bursting with happiness, almost bouncing on her feet as I leaned down to kiss her. Of course, trust Alice to spice things up a little.

She was too excited to just sit there and kiss me, so she threw her arms around my neck (the gardenias protesting with a few dropped pedals), pulling her whole body into the kiss. I could hear Emmett whistling and some clapping, but I tuned all of it out. I concentrated purely on putting my whole spirit into that kiss. And the emotions coming from her told me that I was doing a good job.

When she pulled away, she left her arms around me, and all we did was stare for what seemed like hours. I couldn't believe she was my wife, and I could tell she didn't believe I was her husband. But we were both euphoric, that's for sure.

"Party!" Emmett yelled, and we both laughed as we looked at him and the rest of the guests.

"We've got all we need for a reception party inside," Esme said, and I rolled my shoulders in defeat. I had told them I don't know how many times that they didn't need to go to all the trouble. "But," Esme began again. "I have something planned, so Carlisle, could you step out of the gazebo for a moment?"

Carlisle did as she asked, and I threw a questioning glance at her. My question was immediately answered when Tanya set up a camera ten feet from the gazebo.

"Wedding pictures!" Alice said, clapping her hands together again, the gardenias making a _swish_ noise as she did.

Keep in mind, cameras were _huge_ in the 30s, and they also took a while to set up and take. But when Tanya got everything set, Alice held her gardenias at waist height and wrapped her free arm around my back. I held her close, and Tanya took several pictures that I was sure would turn out wonderfully.

"A few humorous ones?" Esme asked, but Alice didn't wait for me to say yes. She just flung herself into the air, wrapping her legs around my waist and holding me around the neck. I was caught off guard a little, and that's when Tanya took it.

I laughed, and Alice kissed me again, and it was the first time she was taller than me, considering she was clinging to me like a monkey.

"Party?" Emmett echoed, and everyone laughed at him as we all slowly headed inside.

Alice took my hand and leaned up to whisper, "Jasper… we're married!"

I smiled again. I couldn't hear that statement enough. I. Was. Married. To. Alice. It still didn't sink in completely.

Everyone walked back inside, Alice and I in the rear. When we got into the dining room, however, I realized it wasn't a dining room any more. All the furniture had been moved to reveal a spot obviously made for dancing. The only piece of furniture was the baby grand piano that had been moved into the corner.

"Bride's first dance," Alice said, staring at me in wonderment.

"Just one more second," Esme said, and she smiled, pointing to an area where Tanya, Kate, and Irina were standing. "None of them have mates," she added, pointing to Alice's bouquet.

Alice smiled wide and turned away from the other girls. She giggled just before she tossed them into the air behind her.

As I watched, I noticed that Emmett had shoved Edward forward. And even more ironically, the flowers landed smack into his crossed arms. Emmett practically howled with laughter.

"Very funny, Emmett," Edward said, and tossed the flowers to the girls. Irina caught them, and bashfully smiled at her two sisters.

Edward nodded to me as he sat at the piano and laid his fingers delicately on the keys. I stared back at Alice as we intertwined fingers and began dancing. Edward's song filled the entire house as Alice and I lost ourselves in our own world.

"How did I manage to get you?" I asked, the truth in my words evident.

"I was about to ask you the same thing," she whispered, and she squeezed my hand affectionately.

I leaned in right next to her ear as I said, "I don't deserve you."

She merely smiled and kissed my neck.

We only danced for a few minutes before Carlisle appeared next to us. "I know the bride's father is supposed to dance with her, but I think this is as close as we'll get," he said, holding out a hand.

Alice smiled as she let me go and took Carlisle's hand.

I watched as Alice waltzed with Carlisle, who was absolutely flawless in his movements. Alice, on the other hand, made a few tiny errors. Of course, I had to remind myself that she spent most of her vampire life in a diner waiting for me, so she wouldn't have had much time to learn how. If she'd known in her human life, that information was gone.

"She's been working on that since the day we decided to have a wedding," Esme said from beside me.

"Really!" I exclaimed. "She learned that quickly?"

"Oh yes," Esme said, watching Carlisle with a sparkle in her eye. "But it helps that she can see his next move ahead of time."

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that," I said. Now that I thought about it that way, my military prowess kicked in and I wondered how any enemy would even be able to lay a finger on her. That fact comforted me.

"She even waltzed with the clerk in the bridal store," Esme said, and I busted out a hearty laugh. I could see it now; the clerk completely confused by her cold skin and golden eyes, waltzing around the store with little enthusiastic Alice.

The dancing continued for a few hours, until everyone had danced with everyone else. Edward even danced with Emmett. Yes, I know; that would have been a _great_ time for Tanya to have her camera handy. But alas, she had already taken it down.

Just a side note, cameras in the 30s were those mailbox-sized monsters that had a separate trigger. So when I say she took it down, that means she had already completely dismantled it.

It was dusk when Esme approached Alice and me where we were the only ones still dancing. We both looked at Esme, but we kept moving along with the record that was playing.

"We all have some things to give you," Esme said, smiling wide.

"Oh Esme, I told you, you didn't have to do that," I said, halting my dancing.

"I know, but I did anyway. So just come on," Esme said, holding out a hand for us to follow.

She led us upstairs, Alice twittering like a child on Christmas morning. We followed Esme down the catwalk hallway and I was thoroughly confused when she turned into our room. She flipped on the light, and both Alice and I gasped.

It was fit for a royal family; a four-poster bed, complete with iron masts. There were deep maroon drapes hanging from an intricate cornice board above the huge windows. The bookcase had been completely organized and all the records were alphabetized (a task I had failed to complete). And last but not least, the closet stood ajar, filled to the brim with clothes.

"Oh, Esme!" Alice cried, flinging her arms around her foster mother. "It's absolutely perfect!"

"I'm glad you like it," Carlisle said as Alice flung herself at him too.

"How did you…" I began as I stared around at the room. "I mean, we were just in here before the wedding!"

"We all took turns disappearing from the reception to do all this," Emmett replied. "Of course, you two were staring at each other so much that it wasn't too hard."

I was speechless. This much decorating should have taken days. Especially setting up the bed.

"Well, I'm speechless," I said, turning to Esme and Carlisle. "You shouldn't have. But thank you."

Esme stepped forward and hugged me, and there was so much emotion in it that I almost recoiled. Now I knew what Alice had meant when she said Esme treated her family like true kin.

"That's just from the Cullens," Tanya interjected from the hall. "We have something for you too."

"Oh for pitty's sake, you really shouldn't have!" I said. I hardly knew the Denalis, and here they were giving Alice and I a gift.

Tanya led us back downstairs, Alice making sure not to step on her dress as she descended the stairs. But instead of heading farther into the house, Tanya led us out the front door.

Sitting on the carport pad was a pitch black 1930 Rolls Royce Phantom II. Alice actually screamed in delight. She ran right up to it, touching it everywhere to make sure it was real.

"Thank you, thank you, _thank you!_" she said, hugging each one of the Denalis in turn. I was still motionless. I didn't even know how to _drive_ yet.

"I'll teach you," Edward said, patting me on the back. "It's really quite simple."

"I…" I stammered, not even trusting my vocabulary to express my gratitude. "I don't even know how to thank you."

"Just enjoy it," Carmen said, smiling at me.

I shook Eleazar's hand in gratitude, and got a hug from all the women. They all congratulated us as we all walked back inside.

"Well, this is where we part," Eleazar said, and everyone groaned in disappointment.

"Do you really have to go now?" Esme asked, pouting out her lip at Tanya.

"We only planned to be gone this long, so we'll need to get back. But it was so good to see you," Tanya replied, and embraced Esme deeply. "And it was wonderful to meet you both," she said to Alice and me, and more hugs were shared.

"Thank you so much for coming," Alice replied. "I only expected to have the Cullens when we arrived, but now we have an even bigger family."

"Happy to even share the same air as you, sweetheart," Eleazar said, and Alice hugged him one last time.

The Denalis waved earnestly as Alice and I walked up the stairs to our new room. Our new family bade us good night and went into their respective rooms. Alice and I stood in our room, staring out the huge window, holding each other tightly.

"Look," Alice said pointing up at the cloudless sky. "It's the north star."

I stared at it as I reveled in the fact that this perfect woman was here, and in love with _me_, of all people.

"No," I said, looking back to her. "It's right here. Always has been. All I had to do was look. I hold it all when I hold you."

She smiled as she leaned onto her toes to kiss me.

Years later I would end up watching a movie and something the narrator said made me think of this moment, this kiss. In the end, he says that their kiss blew the five most passionate kisses into the dust.

He lied.


	30. Epilogue: All's Well That End's Well

**Epilogue**

**All's Well That End's Well**

Well, I want to thank you for hearing me out. I hope that, in some small way, I have helped you to understand me, and accept the struggle that I eventually overcame. I have never been happier than I am right now, living in a home with seven vampires that I wouldn't trade for the world (one of those is a very recent joinee), and a little bundle of joy that is growing up much faster than any of us would like. I have now been married to Alice for seventy-seven years, and every day she manages to surprise and over joy me.

You probably know what happened after our wedding, thanks to a good friend of mine, who keeps her knowledge of us to a strictly fiction-based basis. Thank God, because if most people believed her stories, the Volturi would have taken care of her by now.

Nevertheless, we outgrew our stay in Alaska, and moved to the Cullen's previous home in Forks, Washington. Alice helped me through my struggle with the human scent, and I have been slowly integrated back into their society. Don't get me wrong, I still have my difficult days (one specific birthday ringing very clear in my mind), but otherwise Alice has been very proud of how well I did. I never tasted human blood again, and I am actually quite proud of that fact as well.

I was introduced to a new threat in Forks, but they too became like family to us eventually. I never thought I would have such a wide range of friends, but here I am, living every day in a climate of vampires, humans, shape-shifters, and a hybrid child who's intelligence astounds me every day. And I love it. Never have I tasted such a pure range of positive emotion, and it helps me to believe that all my struggles were not in vain.

I thank you again, and I hope that one day, my kind will no longer have to hide from the light of your days. I hope that, one day, we may be able to live together, side my side, absent of fear and anger. I wait for that day with optimism. Farewell my friend.

_*Alrighty then, folks. Thank you SOOO much for joining me, and I hope you had as much fun reading as I did writing! It was rather difficult getting into the mind of a man, since to this day, I have no idea what goes on in their heads, but I think I fared pretty well. And a couple of things I want you to know: I __might__ end up writing all of the Twilight books from Jasper's perspective, but it wont be anywhere in the near future. This is because I have several more fictions that I would like to work on, and working on more than one at a time gets a little troubling for me. I would also want to re-read all the books, so that I can take notes on exactly what he did and said, and that might take a while as well. But it might happen, so keep your eyes peeled. Thanks again!_


End file.
